1
00:00:56,387 --> 00:00:57,889
<i>I don't know
what the fuck is going on</i>

2
00:00:57,890 --> 00:00:59,656
<i>in this country, man!</i>

3
00:00:59,658 --> 00:01:01,993
<i>Every day I turn on the TV,</i>

4
00:01:01,994 --> 00:01:05,864
<i>and I see these fucking freaks
marching for their rights!</i>

5
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:09,567
What about our rights?

6
00:01:11,337 --> 00:01:13,737
This is our time
to show the world

7
00:01:13,739 --> 00:01:15,774
that we are not
just an online movement!

8
00:01:17,676 --> 00:01:18,843
<i>We're growing physically!</i>

9
00:01:18,844 --> 00:01:21,545
This is our time
to assert ourselves

10
00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:23,581
as the true voice of America!

11
00:01:23,582 --> 00:01:25,750
Yeah!

12
00:01:25,751 --> 00:01:27,018
Yes, let's do that!

13
00:01:27,019 --> 00:01:29,686
Now, you may have noticed

14
00:01:29,688 --> 00:01:31,890
that our friend Aryan Grande

15
00:01:31,891 --> 00:01:33,625
has brought in a new recruit.

16
00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:36,394
FucktheJews82.
Welcome, brother!

17
00:01:36,396 --> 00:01:38,298
Yeah!

18
00:01:39,365 --> 00:01:41,432
Hi. <i>Heil. Heil,</i> everybody.

19
00:01:41,433 --> 00:01:43,367
White power. Obviously.

20
00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:46,403
Been a big fan of you guys
for a while.

21
00:01:46,406 --> 00:01:47,572
Since World War II, really.

22
00:01:47,573 --> 00:01:51,676
That's when you made your
big entrance, on the scene.

23
00:01:51,677 --> 00:01:55,015
And, uh... Yeah.
Just, um, in closing...

24
00:01:56,115 --> 00:01:58,415
- Fuck the Jews!
- Yeah!

25
00:01:58,418 --> 00:02:00,453
Welcome!

26
00:02:02,454 --> 00:02:03,620
Let's fucking party!

27
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,967
So you guys are, like, pretty
active on social media, right?

28
00:02:15,968 --> 00:02:17,102
Yeah.

29
00:02:17,103 --> 00:02:19,138
How many times a day would you
say you tweet on average?

30
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,739
- Hey, FTJ!
- Yo!

31
00:02:21,740 --> 00:02:24,075
You said you wanted
a swastika tattoo.

32
00:02:24,078 --> 00:02:25,412
Now's your chance.

33
00:02:26,513 --> 00:02:28,980
Yeah, you know, I've been
thinking about it. I'm cool.

34
00:02:28,983 --> 00:02:31,651
Come on, man.
We all got 'em!

35
00:02:38,891 --> 00:02:40,557
You guys want me to get
a swastika tattoo?

36
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:41,961
Yeah!

37
00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:43,763
I will get a swastika tattoo.

38
00:02:44,463 --> 00:02:45,864
Um...

39
00:02:45,865 --> 00:02:47,033
Yeah.

40
00:02:49,635 --> 00:02:51,805
Hey, take over, man.
I got to take a piss.

41
00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:55,439
Super cool, guys.
Thank you for this.

42
00:02:55,442 --> 00:02:56,610
This is really exciting.

43
00:02:57,776 --> 00:02:59,978
All right, here we go!

44
00:03:01,448 --> 00:03:03,615
Ooh, right! Yeah!

45
00:03:03,616 --> 00:03:05,084
That hurt?

46
00:03:05,086 --> 00:03:07,087
On many levels. Yes.

47
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:09,924
Fuck!

48
00:03:10,758 --> 00:03:12,926
Hey! This you?

49
00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:15,763
You're a journalist?

50
00:03:16,764 --> 00:03:18,030
Yeah!

51
00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:20,664
We all got to be fucking
journalists in this day and age,

52
00:03:20,667 --> 00:03:23,600
mainstream media not covering
our side of the story!

53
00:03:23,603 --> 00:03:25,637
His name is Fred Flarsky.

54
00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,205
He writes for
the <i>Brooklyn Advocate.</i>

55
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,875
- He's a fucking Jew!
- What?

56
00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:32,512
Look, look, look.
Okay, okay, okay. Hey!

57
00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:35,713
What are you doing here?

58
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,182
You're here to fucking
embarrass us, huh?

59
00:03:37,183 --> 00:03:39,151
- Who sent you?
- No one sent me!

60
00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:40,920
It's okay. I'm... I'm...

61
00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:43,656
He's been recording us
the whole time!

62
00:03:43,658 --> 00:03:46,158
Fucking shit, man!
You infiltrated our group!

63
00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:48,060
You're gonna fucking die!

64
00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:48,961
How do you
turn this thing off?

65
00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:50,798
The fucking red button,
right there, man!

66
00:03:57,872 --> 00:03:59,573
Holy shit!

67
00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:09,514
Yeah!

68
00:04:09,516 --> 00:04:11,852
Not only did I escape...

69
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,287
I held onto my phone!

70
00:04:15,288 --> 00:04:17,557
Yes! Ow!

71
00:04:19,961 --> 00:04:21,726
I trusted you, man!

72
00:04:21,728 --> 00:04:23,295
Yeah, well...

73
00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:25,966
Jews win this round,
motherfucker!

74
00:04:26,733 --> 00:04:29,000
Peace! Ow.

75
00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:30,601
<i>Tonight on</i> Wembley News,

76
00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:32,838
<i>we take an in-depth look
at Charlotte Field,</i>

77
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:35,641
<i>a Rhodes Scholar,
a Pulitzer winner,</i>

78
00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:38,310
<i>and protege
of President Chambers,</i>

79
00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:40,211
<i>who tapped Field two years ago</i>

80
00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:42,680
<i>to be the youngest
secretary of state</i>

81
00:04:42,682 --> 00:04:44,082
<i>in the history of this nation.</i>

82
00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:46,552
<i>And honestly,
looking hotter than usual.</i>

83
00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:48,321
<i>Now, people are gonna say
that's sexist,</i>

84
00:04:48,322 --> 00:04:50,322
<i>but, she's just hot!</i>

85
00:04:50,324 --> 00:04:51,824
<i>You know,
when we talk about women in this way,</i>

86
00:04:51,826 --> 00:04:53,558
<i>it is because
we respect them so much,</i>

87
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:54,994
<i>and we start with their body.</i>

88
00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:56,697
<i>You two are terrible.</i>

89
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,502
- Good night, Steven.
- Good night, Madam Secretary.

90
00:05:06,841 --> 00:05:08,774
Sorry for the late call,
Mr. Foreign Minister.

91
00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:09,875
Long day.

92
00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:11,343
Three bilaterals.

93
00:05:11,346 --> 00:05:14,112
Listen, we're not going to be
able to do it.

94
00:05:14,115 --> 00:05:16,348
There's just not enough
traction around this thing.

95
00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:19,351
I believe in it, it's just...
I don't have Congress support.

96
00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:21,052
I don't have
the American people's support.

97
00:05:21,055 --> 00:05:23,122
I know you and I
don't like it, Chuck,

98
00:05:23,125 --> 00:05:24,856
but you know who likes it?

99
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:28,093
88% of college-educated
Americans over 45.

100
00:05:28,096 --> 00:05:29,661
Likely voters.

101
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,932
That's Gallup.
We have to make this happen.

102
00:06:07,101 --> 00:06:10,336
Well, I wouldn't call
the president inexperienced.

103
00:06:10,338 --> 00:06:11,904
I mean,
he did play a president

104
00:06:11,906 --> 00:06:15,740
on a very popular television
show for over a decade.

105
00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:17,976
You don't get
six Golden Globe nominations

106
00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:20,079
without being
pretty convincing.

107
00:06:20,081 --> 00:06:22,648
Um, I do think I'm funny.

108
00:06:22,649 --> 00:06:24,417
I'm sorry, I thought
this interview was about

109
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:26,886
promoting democracy
in Eastern Europe.

110
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,687
All right, next one's BBC.

111
00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:30,055
<i>Would you be asking
a male cabinet member</i>

112
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:31,725
<i>what products they use
in their hair?</i>

113
00:06:32,326 --> 00:06:33,992
I'm just kidding.

114
00:06:33,995 --> 00:06:36,396
No, it's olive oil
and mayonnaise.

115
00:06:36,398 --> 00:06:38,865
I know. So cheap.
So much shine.

116
00:06:41,870 --> 00:06:43,802
Good morning, Mr. President.

117
00:06:43,805 --> 00:06:45,307
Good morning,
Mr. President.

118
00:06:46,875 --> 00:06:49,242
Good morning, Mr. President.

119
00:06:49,244 --> 00:06:51,177
Good morning, Mr. President.

120
00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:52,778
Oh, hey, Charlotte.

121
00:06:52,781 --> 00:06:55,848
You caught me
watching my show.

122
00:06:55,850 --> 00:06:58,784
<i>Mr. President. We still
recommend Option C.</i>

123
00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:01,788
<i>I am not nuking a tsunami!</i>

124
00:07:01,790 --> 00:07:03,923
Oh, here it is.

125
00:07:03,925 --> 00:07:05,425
Not now...

126
00:07:05,427 --> 00:07:07,127
Not today.

127
00:07:07,129 --> 00:07:08,761
Not in my house.

128
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,997
Yes! I love that!

129
00:07:10,999 --> 00:07:12,865
Oh, me too.

130
00:07:12,867 --> 00:07:14,934
Anyway, that's not why
I called you here.

131
00:07:17,072 --> 00:07:18,305
Charlotte.

132
00:07:18,874 --> 00:07:19,906
Yes, sir?

133
00:07:19,908 --> 00:07:22,908
I will not be
seeking reelection.

134
00:07:22,911 --> 00:07:24,209
Really?

135
00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:25,978
Look, I know it's crazy,

136
00:07:25,980 --> 00:07:28,014
because I'm only halfway
through my first term.

137
00:07:28,016 --> 00:07:31,084
And you're incredibly
popular, sir.

138
00:07:31,086 --> 00:07:33,185
And I want to use
that popularity

139
00:07:33,187 --> 00:07:36,723
to transition into something

140
00:07:36,725 --> 00:07:39,060
more prestigious
than the presidency.

141
00:07:40,295 --> 00:07:43,028
I wanna make it in the movies.

142
00:07:43,031 --> 00:07:46,199
You're going to leave

143
00:07:46,201 --> 00:07:48,935
the Presidency
to go be in movies?

144
00:07:48,937 --> 00:07:51,170
- I know. It's gonna be tough.
- Ah...

145
00:07:51,173 --> 00:07:53,840
Only like, 10 guys
have made that jump

146
00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:55,774
from TV to film.

147
00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:58,278
Woody Harrelson,
George Clooney...

148
00:07:58,279 --> 00:07:59,978
Might be... Might be just two.

149
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:03,350
I... Mr. President, have you

150
00:08:03,351 --> 00:08:07,220
given any consideration
as to whom you might endorse?

151
00:08:07,221 --> 00:08:09,290
I'm sure you're probably
thinking of McNichol

152
00:08:09,291 --> 00:08:12,891
or Crowly. Strong choices.

153
00:08:12,894 --> 00:08:16,730
So strange, because I was
considering a run in 2024.

154
00:08:17,500 --> 00:08:19,033
And I've been vetted.

155
00:08:19,768 --> 00:08:21,502
So that's all done.

156
00:08:21,504 --> 00:08:24,939
And I can't stop thinking
about what...

157
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:28,177
What it would do
for your legacy

158
00:08:29,312 --> 00:08:31,346
to endorse the first
female president.

159
00:08:33,249 --> 00:08:34,915
I mean... Wow.

160
00:08:35,350 --> 00:08:36,351
That's a legacy.

161
00:08:39,888 --> 00:08:41,120
- Charlotte?
- Hmm?

162
00:08:41,123 --> 00:08:43,389
I would like to endorse you

163
00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:45,994
to be the next president
of the United States.

164
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:51,798
I mean, if you think that's
a good idea, sir, I trust you.

165
00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:54,467
I'd... I'd be honored.

166
00:08:54,470 --> 00:08:58,404
I'm gonna be pulling
for Team Charlotte. Right?

167
00:08:58,407 --> 00:09:00,342
Because you've been
a great secretary.

168
00:09:01,043 --> 00:09:02,243
of state.

169
00:09:02,245 --> 00:09:04,544
Whatever. It's a cool job.

170
00:09:04,547 --> 00:09:06,913
And, um, you've done it well.

171
00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:09,416
- Thank you, sir.
- So stay focused.

172
00:09:09,418 --> 00:09:10,951
Don't make
any major screw-ups.

173
00:09:10,952 --> 00:09:12,219
Don't kill any hookers.

174
00:09:12,221 --> 00:09:13,519
Probably not a problem for you.

175
00:09:13,522 --> 00:09:15,121
I don't know what you're into.
Whatever.

176
00:09:15,124 --> 00:09:16,990
And before you know it...

177
00:09:20,028 --> 00:09:21,161
I like the sound of that.

178
00:09:21,163 --> 00:09:23,364
<i>♪ Hey, here she comes</i>

179
00:09:23,365 --> 00:09:25,298
<i>♪ It's the first lady president</i>

180
00:09:25,301 --> 00:09:28,034
<i>♪ Who can believe
that she's actually a woman</i>

181
00:09:28,037 --> 00:09:29,570
Thank you, sir.

182
00:09:29,572 --> 00:09:34,309
<i>♪ She's got a big brain
And a couple other assets ♪</i>

183
00:09:37,013 --> 00:09:38,077
Oh, and here we see

184
00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:39,879
Secretary of State
Charlotte Field.

185
00:09:39,881 --> 00:09:41,115
Good morning.

186
00:09:42,418 --> 00:09:43,784
Yes!

187
00:09:47,856 --> 00:09:50,557
So the headline is,
"You're in great shape."

188
00:09:50,558 --> 00:09:53,226
- Ninety-two, that's good.
- Really good.

189
00:09:53,229 --> 00:09:54,927
- Yeah.
- And now, keep in mind

190
00:09:54,929 --> 00:09:57,463
that these are numbers
for a female candidate.

191
00:09:57,466 --> 00:10:00,868
If you were a man, you'd be
in the 192nd percentile.

192
00:10:00,870 --> 00:10:03,037
- Well, that seems about right.
- Yeah.

193
00:10:03,038 --> 00:10:05,139
'Cause the man... Okay.

194
00:10:05,140 --> 00:10:08,174
Um, your sense of humor is 82,

195
00:10:08,177 --> 00:10:10,443
which is solid. It's solid.

196
00:10:10,446 --> 00:10:12,546
But, you know, we wouldn't
mind seeing those numbers

197
00:10:12,548 --> 00:10:14,914
go up a few points, or more.

198
00:10:14,917 --> 00:10:17,116
So, I'm going to get
some writing samples from

199
00:10:17,119 --> 00:10:18,653
- some funny speech writers.
- Great.

200
00:10:18,654 --> 00:10:21,989
I am really interested
in knowing how people feel

201
00:10:21,990 --> 00:10:23,923
- about my accomplishments.
- Yeah.

202
00:10:23,926 --> 00:10:25,558
Right. You know, so we don't

203
00:10:25,561 --> 00:10:29,563
drill down
on specific policies.

204
00:10:29,566 --> 00:10:32,667
And that's only because
people don't seem to care.

205
00:10:32,668 --> 00:10:34,067
That's interesting.

206
00:10:34,070 --> 00:10:37,437
With that said, if you could
broker some deal

207
00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:38,971
that gets you
out there talking

208
00:10:38,974 --> 00:10:40,341
about a thing that you feel

209
00:10:40,342 --> 00:10:42,475
really strongly about,
that would be great.

210
00:10:42,477 --> 00:10:43,409
Well, that's perfect.

211
00:10:43,412 --> 00:10:45,513
I mean, we've been
looking for an opening

212
00:10:45,514 --> 00:10:47,450
to start a conversation
about the environment.

213
00:10:48,250 --> 00:10:50,918
All right.

214
00:10:50,919 --> 00:10:53,687
Romantically, if I may...

215
00:10:53,690 --> 00:10:56,691
Remember the stir online

216
00:10:56,692 --> 00:10:59,293
when the Canadian
Prime Minister and you

217
00:10:59,294 --> 00:11:01,195
were seated next to each other

218
00:11:01,197 --> 00:11:02,697
at The Global Business Forum?

219
00:11:02,698 --> 00:11:04,097
Mmm-hmm.

220
00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:06,232
A relationship like that

221
00:11:06,235 --> 00:11:09,004
would push you
into the high 90s.

222
00:11:09,438 --> 00:11:12,072
High 90s? Wow.

223
00:11:12,073 --> 00:11:13,409
That brings us to...

224
00:11:17,145 --> 00:11:19,078
What's wrong
with my wave?

225
00:11:19,081 --> 00:11:21,081
Um, I think people feel that

226
00:11:21,082 --> 00:11:24,118
that level of elbow movement
is, um...

227
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:25,620
It stresses people out.

228
00:11:25,621 --> 00:11:28,623
You know what? It's just
an area for improvement.

229
00:11:28,625 --> 00:11:30,392
Okay, fine,
I'll work on the wave.

230
00:11:34,630 --> 00:11:36,264
- Hey.
- Hey, Fred.

231
00:11:36,265 --> 00:11:38,967
You're gonna love this.
I almost died.

232
00:11:39,403 --> 00:11:41,000
You got a second?

233
00:11:41,003 --> 00:11:43,671
- Yeah.
- Come on.

234
00:11:43,673 --> 00:11:46,173
I actually have
some really great news.

235
00:11:46,174 --> 00:11:48,342
- Really? Cool.
- Yes.

236
00:11:48,345 --> 00:11:50,677
We were just bought
by Wembley Media.

237
00:11:50,679 --> 00:11:52,647
- What?
- Yeah.

238
00:11:52,649 --> 00:11:53,548
Are you fucking kidding me?

239
00:11:53,549 --> 00:11:55,014
I knew you'd have
a harsh reaction...

240
00:11:55,017 --> 00:11:56,183
A harsh reaction?

241
00:11:56,186 --> 00:11:57,619
- Fred, this is a good thing.
- How?

242
00:11:57,620 --> 00:11:59,220
The fucker
represents everything

243
00:11:59,221 --> 00:12:00,687
that we've been fighting
against since day one!

244
00:12:00,690 --> 00:12:03,591
The whole point of this paper is
to fight giant media conglomerates.

245
00:12:03,592 --> 00:12:05,393
Now we've been bought
by a giant media conglomerate.

246
00:12:05,394 --> 00:12:07,662
- I do see the irony.
- Irony?

247
00:12:07,663 --> 00:12:10,331
He's gonna turn this place
into a propaganda machine.

248
00:12:10,332 --> 00:12:12,200
Not the good kind,
that's right!

249
00:12:12,201 --> 00:12:14,000
The bad kind, that's wrong!

250
00:12:14,003 --> 00:12:15,370
Well, we're out of options.

251
00:12:15,371 --> 00:12:17,105
We've been running
as long as we can

252
00:12:17,106 --> 00:12:19,506
on ads for weed doctors
and escorts.

253
00:12:19,509 --> 00:12:21,609
Let's get penis enlargement
ads, too.

254
00:12:21,610 --> 00:12:23,076
No one likes their dick.

255
00:12:23,078 --> 00:12:25,046
- Come on, Fred.
- This Wembley guy,

256
00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:27,581
he ran fake stories
to help get Chambers elected.

257
00:12:27,583 --> 00:12:28,549
No, they couldn't prove that.

258
00:12:28,552 --> 00:12:30,751
We proved it! I wrote
three articles about it!

259
00:12:30,754 --> 00:12:32,653
- You published them!
- I did.

260
00:12:32,655 --> 00:12:35,355
The shit that comes out
of this fucking guy's mouth...

261
00:12:35,357 --> 00:12:38,058
He said hurricanes were
caused by gay marriage.

262
00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:39,661
I don't even get
how that fucking works.

263
00:12:39,663 --> 00:12:41,261
I don't even get
the math on that one.

264
00:12:41,264 --> 00:12:43,331
- Fred, it's done, all right?
- It's done?

265
00:12:43,332 --> 00:12:46,801
They're upstairs finalizing
the deal right now.

266
00:12:46,802 --> 00:12:49,571
Look, we have to cut
two-thirds of our staff.

267
00:12:49,572 --> 00:12:51,605
- Two-thirds?
- Yeah.

268
00:12:51,607 --> 00:12:54,042
But we wanna keep you on.
They wanna keep you on.

269
00:12:54,043 --> 00:12:55,442
It's just...

270
00:12:55,445 --> 00:12:57,345
You just have to
tone it down a little bit.

271
00:12:57,346 --> 00:12:58,813
I don't know how I can
tone things down

272
00:12:58,816 --> 00:13:00,481
any more than
I'm toning them down.

273
00:13:00,484 --> 00:13:02,484
Okay, Fred.
You're a great writer.

274
00:13:02,485 --> 00:13:03,650
- Thank you.
- All right, you're funny,

275
00:13:03,653 --> 00:13:05,352
you take risks,
you connect with people.

276
00:13:05,355 --> 00:13:06,620
I'm sensing a twist in this.

277
00:13:06,623 --> 00:13:08,625
You have a distinct,
authentic voice, but...

278
00:13:09,759 --> 00:13:11,625
Sometimes you're
a little too much.

279
00:13:11,628 --> 00:13:12,659
I don't think I am too much!

280
00:13:12,662 --> 00:13:15,163
I actually think I'm
the perfect right portion.

281
00:13:15,164 --> 00:13:16,663
Look, you have your job.

282
00:13:16,666 --> 00:13:19,500
Okay, focus on that and just
toe the line a little bit.

283
00:13:19,503 --> 00:13:21,101
You know what? I quit.

284
00:13:21,104 --> 00:13:22,236
Oh, come on, Fred.

285
00:13:22,239 --> 00:13:24,239
You should quit, too.
Everyone should fucking quit.

286
00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:26,173
No, I'm not gonna quit,
I need my job.

287
00:13:26,176 --> 00:13:28,275
I need my fucking job, too.
I'm broke, man!

288
00:13:28,278 --> 00:13:29,677
But I can't work for that guy.

289
00:13:29,679 --> 00:13:32,080
At least let me fire you
so you can get unemployment.

290
00:13:32,081 --> 00:13:34,148
No fucking way!

291
00:13:34,149 --> 00:13:36,283
I want him to know
that I quit.

292
00:13:36,286 --> 00:13:38,620
He's never gonna know it,
he's never heard of you.

293
00:13:38,623 --> 00:13:41,188
You're gonna destroy your life to
spite a guy who's never heard of you?

294
00:13:41,191 --> 00:13:42,758
Yes! You said it best!

295
00:13:42,759 --> 00:13:43,926
That's exactly
what I'm doing.

296
00:13:43,927 --> 00:13:46,729
You're making bad decisions
and it's bumming me out, man.

297
00:13:46,730 --> 00:13:48,196
Well, that makes
two of us.

298
00:13:48,197 --> 00:13:51,767
Fuck this.
Journalism died today, people.

299
00:13:51,769 --> 00:13:54,736
Yes, hello, this is, uh,
Fred Flarsky.

300
00:13:54,739 --> 00:13:56,672
Um... I, uh,

301
00:13:56,673 --> 00:13:58,239
was just calling to say
that I was forced

302
00:13:58,240 --> 00:13:59,506
<i>to quit my job recently,</i>

303
00:13:59,509 --> 00:14:01,208
<i>making me
something of a free agent.</i>

304
00:14:01,211 --> 00:14:02,778
<i>And I know in the past, uh,</i>

305
00:14:02,779 --> 00:14:05,480
<i>you said I'm not exactly what</i>
The Times <i>was looking for,</i>

306
00:14:05,482 --> 00:14:08,149
<i>but I was just calling
to see if anything's changed.</i>

307
00:14:08,150 --> 00:14:10,284
<i>Uh, just give me a ring.
Thank you so much.</i>

308
00:14:10,287 --> 00:14:12,490
Yo, Lance. It's Fred. Um...

309
00:14:14,224 --> 00:14:15,524
I lost my job
and I'm very sad.

310
00:14:15,525 --> 00:14:17,125
Can I come by?

311
00:14:22,466 --> 00:14:23,731
We need to
schedule a meeting

312
00:14:23,734 --> 00:14:25,734
and see what they have to say.

313
00:14:25,735 --> 00:14:27,269
Excuse me.

314
00:14:28,438 --> 00:14:31,239
Man, I can't believe
they did you like that.

315
00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:32,875
It's fucked up. I'm pissed.

316
00:14:32,876 --> 00:14:34,809
But you're gonna feel a lot
better, man, we're leaving.

317
00:14:34,812 --> 00:14:36,511
You can leave work right now?

318
00:14:36,514 --> 00:14:38,581
Yeah, I can fucking leave.
You see this corner office?

319
00:14:38,582 --> 00:14:39,847
That's a
"I can leave this bitch

320
00:14:39,850 --> 00:14:41,817
"whenever I want"
corner office.

321
00:14:41,818 --> 00:14:43,354
Come on, man. Everybody!

322
00:14:44,522 --> 00:14:46,254
This is my best friend,

323
00:14:46,255 --> 00:14:47,789
and he just
lost his job today.

324
00:14:47,792 --> 00:14:49,658
All right?
He's at rock bottom.

325
00:14:49,659 --> 00:14:51,860
- It's not that bad.
- He feels like shit.

326
00:14:51,861 --> 00:14:53,528
And I'm gonna
make him feel better.

327
00:14:53,530 --> 00:14:55,229
It's been a tradition
since we were in college,

328
00:14:55,230 --> 00:14:56,599
when one of us feels sad,

329
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:58,334
the other one
has to get him fucked up.

330
00:14:58,336 --> 00:15:02,504
I'm talking Britney Spears,
mid-2000s bald head,

331
00:15:02,505 --> 00:15:04,773
almost dropping the baby
fucked up.

332
00:15:04,774 --> 00:15:06,875
No judgement. No judgement.

333
00:15:06,876 --> 00:15:09,244
I need my schedule cleared,
Zander.

334
00:15:09,245 --> 00:15:10,346
I don't want to do shit.

335
00:15:10,347 --> 00:15:12,581
I'm going off-grid
till tomorrow.

336
00:15:12,582 --> 00:15:13,650
Matter of fact...

337
00:15:14,751 --> 00:15:16,684
Everybody's got the day off.

338
00:15:16,687 --> 00:15:19,187
Everybody's got the day off.
Y'all got the day off.

339
00:15:19,190 --> 00:15:20,288
Everybody, go home.

340
00:15:20,291 --> 00:15:22,957
I'm so appreciative
of all of you guys' hard work.

341
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,692
I love
every single one of you.

342
00:15:24,695 --> 00:15:25,760
Except you, Ted!

343
00:15:25,763 --> 00:15:28,864
Bagel Friday
is for everybody, Ted!

344
00:15:28,865 --> 00:15:30,966
You don't think we know
you taking the bagels?

345
00:15:30,967 --> 00:15:32,334
Yeah, Ted, not cool.

346
00:15:32,336 --> 00:15:33,268
- Zander.
- Yeah?

347
00:15:33,269 --> 00:15:35,504
I need two cans
of the Pamplemousse LaCroix.

348
00:15:35,505 --> 00:15:36,739
- Uh-huh.
- I need that filled

349
00:15:36,740 --> 00:15:39,274
with Johnnie Walker Blue
and CBD oil.

350
00:15:39,275 --> 00:15:40,443
Do you want one?

351
00:15:41,812 --> 00:15:43,479
I got fucked, man.

352
00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:46,215
Yeah, you got fucked
like a stepmom on Pornhub.

353
00:15:46,216 --> 00:15:47,383
Well, it happens to everybody.

354
00:15:47,384 --> 00:15:49,317
I've been unemployed before,
it sucks.

355
00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:50,586
But I didn't ask
for any handouts.

356
00:15:50,587 --> 00:15:53,389
I picked myself up by
my bootstraps and got to it.

357
00:15:53,390 --> 00:15:54,822
Where are we going right now?

358
00:15:54,825 --> 00:15:56,625
Best day ever, Fred.
Don't worry about it.

359
00:15:56,626 --> 00:15:58,793
I've got this dope afternoon
planned for us.

360
00:15:58,796 --> 00:16:00,596
First we're going to finish
these Pamplemousse's.

361
00:16:00,597 --> 00:16:01,562
Play at the park.

362
00:16:01,565 --> 00:16:03,599
After that we're going to
go to Peter Luger's,

363
00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:04,767
get you a nice fat steak,

364
00:16:04,769 --> 00:16:07,469
and then finish it off with
a World Wildlife Fund benefit.

365
00:16:07,471 --> 00:16:08,836
I don't know if I
want to go to some

366
00:16:08,839 --> 00:16:10,405
fancy rich person party.

367
00:16:10,408 --> 00:16:11,740
What... Oh, come on, man,

368
00:16:11,741 --> 00:16:13,341
don't be so judgmental,
all right?

369
00:16:13,344 --> 00:16:15,744
It's free booze and
there'll be pandas and shit.

370
00:16:15,745 --> 00:16:18,279
- People love pandas and shit.
- I don't know.

371
00:16:18,282 --> 00:16:19,514
All right, fine, Fred.

372
00:16:19,517 --> 00:16:20,917
Then just do nothing.
All right?

373
00:16:20,918 --> 00:16:22,851
Go home, do nothing.

374
00:16:22,854 --> 00:16:25,423
And don't kick it with your
best friend and Boyz II Men.

375
00:16:26,557 --> 00:16:27,791
Say what?

376
00:16:27,793 --> 00:16:29,524
Oh, yeah.

377
00:16:29,527 --> 00:16:30,994
Boyz II Men is bringing
their timeless blend

378
00:16:30,995 --> 00:16:34,263
of R&B, hip-hop and
new jack swing to the party.

379
00:16:34,264 --> 00:16:36,264
I thought you would
like to be there.

380
00:16:36,267 --> 00:16:37,966
Bo-bo-bo-Boyz II Men?

381
00:16:37,969 --> 00:16:41,037
<i>♪ Motownphilly's back again</i>

382
00:16:42,139 --> 00:16:43,038
That's what I'm talking about,
man. Let's do this shit.

383
00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,008
Okay, let's have fun.
What a fun day.

384
00:16:46,977 --> 00:16:50,611
I am so hungry,
it's insane.

385
00:16:50,614 --> 00:16:51,847
Why didn't you
PowerBar me?

386
00:16:51,850 --> 00:16:53,347
I tried,
you pushed my hand away.

387
00:16:53,350 --> 00:16:54,515
Oh.

388
00:16:54,518 --> 00:16:57,519
Skewered foods. I can't eat
skewered foods gracefully.

389
00:16:57,520 --> 00:16:58,922
I look like
a fucking caveman.

390
00:16:58,923 --> 00:17:00,690
Yeah, and there are
cameras everywhere.

391
00:17:00,692 --> 00:17:02,524
That's really gonna hurt
your elegance score.

392
00:17:02,525 --> 00:17:03,595
That's my best score.

393
00:17:07,999 --> 00:17:09,932
Fuck! It's all
skewered foods.

394
00:17:09,934 --> 00:17:11,601
I'm gonna take the chicken
off the skewers.

395
00:17:11,603 --> 00:17:13,535
- Take it off...
- Quickly. Quickly.

396
00:17:13,537 --> 00:17:15,503
Why do they make this
so difficult...

397
00:17:15,506 --> 00:17:17,840
Oh. I'm sorry, sir.
I apologize.

398
00:17:17,843 --> 00:17:20,409
- Jesus fucking Christ.
- Can't do things...

399
00:17:20,411 --> 00:17:22,376
Just make a fucking...
Make a wall. Make a wall.

400
00:17:22,378 --> 00:17:24,248
- Yup. Yes.
- Do you have it?

401
00:17:27,417 --> 00:17:29,018
Good. Good, good,
good, good.

402
00:17:29,019 --> 00:17:30,821
Oh, my God,
it's really good chicken.

403
00:17:32,457 --> 00:17:34,022
James Steward is approaching.
James Steward is approaching.

404
00:17:34,025 --> 00:17:35,090
What?

405
00:17:35,093 --> 00:17:36,859
Okay, he's about
nine feet away.

406
00:17:36,862 --> 00:17:38,894
His dick is probably
about seven feet away.

407
00:17:38,896 --> 00:17:40,663
- Maggie!
- Six feet away.

408
00:17:40,664 --> 00:17:42,534
Five feet away.
Spit, spit, spit, spit, spit.

409
00:17:43,902 --> 00:17:45,934
- James!
- <i>Bonsoir.</i>

410
00:17:45,936 --> 00:17:47,770
- Hi.
- Good evening.

411
00:17:47,772 --> 00:17:49,439
I am so sorry I missed you

412
00:17:49,441 --> 00:17:51,106
when I was at the White House
a few weeks ago.

413
00:17:51,108 --> 00:17:54,042
Oh, are you so "sorry," James?

414
00:17:54,045 --> 00:17:55,577
You're never gonna

415
00:17:55,579 --> 00:17:56,913
stop making that joke,
are you?

416
00:17:56,914 --> 00:17:59,048
No. I'm not.

417
00:17:59,049 --> 00:18:00,517
Well, I... Oh, hello.

418
00:18:00,519 --> 00:18:01,817
- Hi.
- Oh, yes.

419
00:18:01,819 --> 00:18:03,622
Thank you.

420
00:18:04,990 --> 00:18:07,025
- One more. One more.
- One more.

421
00:18:08,125 --> 00:18:10,492
<i>Merci.</i> Thank you.

422
00:18:10,494 --> 00:18:11,663
What do you say
we get out of here?

423
00:18:13,030 --> 00:18:15,798
Grab a drink somewhere
a bit more private.

424
00:18:17,935 --> 00:18:19,134
- Yes...
- Yeah?

425
00:18:19,136 --> 00:18:21,403
Oh, my God!

426
00:18:21,405 --> 00:18:23,138
<i>Make some noise out there!
Make some noise!</i>

427
00:18:23,141 --> 00:18:25,441
<i>Yeah! Check it out, y'all!</i>

428
00:18:25,442 --> 00:18:27,576
<i>One question,
what's the name of the group?</i>

429
00:18:27,578 --> 00:18:28,845
Boyz II Men!

430
00:18:28,846 --> 00:18:29,711
<i>What's the name
of the group, y'all?</i>

431
00:18:29,713 --> 00:18:31,047
Boyz II Men!

432
00:18:52,938 --> 00:18:54,002
Yeah...

433
00:18:54,005 --> 00:18:55,038
I told you this
would be dope.

434
00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:58,107
Yeah, uh...
This is really cheering me up.

435
00:18:58,109 --> 00:18:59,541
Wow.

436
00:19:09,154 --> 00:19:10,586
I'm super underdressed.

437
00:19:10,588 --> 00:19:11,887
Stop complaining,
all right?

438
00:19:11,890 --> 00:19:13,823
You think
you feel outta place?

439
00:19:13,825 --> 00:19:14,991
This is one of
the brightest rooms

440
00:19:14,993 --> 00:19:17,027
I've ever been in,
in my life.

441
00:19:17,028 --> 00:19:18,829
Bright?
What do you mean, bright?

442
00:19:19,431 --> 00:19:20,663
Like white.

443
00:19:20,664 --> 00:19:22,731
- Oh, "bright" is white?
- Yeah, man.

444
00:19:22,733 --> 00:19:24,800
It's only me,
the waiters and Boyz II Men.

445
00:19:24,803 --> 00:19:26,669
I've already had three people
tell me they love my music.

446
00:19:32,611 --> 00:19:33,844
Duty calls.

447
00:19:33,846 --> 00:19:36,212
I'll take a snow check
on that dance.

448
00:19:36,214 --> 00:19:38,815
- Canadian for "rain check."
- Okay.

449
00:19:38,817 --> 00:19:40,853
Okay.

450
00:19:47,826 --> 00:19:49,960
Man, you're pounding 'em
kinda hard, don't you think?

451
00:19:49,961 --> 00:19:52,028
I got fired today, man.

452
00:19:52,030 --> 00:19:53,397
You told me you quit.

453
00:19:54,799 --> 00:19:56,901
I was forced to quit
because of...

454
00:19:56,903 --> 00:19:58,035
Yeah, okay, man.

455
00:19:58,037 --> 00:19:59,403
Lie to me some more.

456
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:02,507
You good?

457
00:20:07,779 --> 00:20:09,949
Shit. Is the secretary
of state looking at us?

458
00:20:11,884 --> 00:20:13,085
Oh, she's looking at you?

459
00:20:15,086 --> 00:20:16,453
Fred.

460
00:20:19,590 --> 00:20:21,727
Fred. What the hell?
What was that?

461
00:20:22,761 --> 00:20:24,630
Damn. Hey, what was that?

462
00:20:25,897 --> 00:20:27,497
I...

463
00:20:27,499 --> 00:20:28,898
Kinda... I kinda know her.
Okay?

464
00:20:28,901 --> 00:20:30,834
- You kinda know her?
- Yeah.

465
00:20:30,836 --> 00:20:32,568
Nobody kinda knows
Charlotte Field, all right?

466
00:20:32,570 --> 00:20:33,971
It's like kinda knowing
a mermaid, dude.

467
00:20:33,972 --> 00:20:35,105
You tell people that shit.

468
00:20:35,106 --> 00:20:36,773
- That's exceptional.
- Okay.

469
00:20:36,776 --> 00:20:38,075
I'll tell you a story.

470
00:20:38,076 --> 00:20:41,811
So, I'm like 13,
she's like 16.

471
00:20:41,814 --> 00:20:43,148
She's my babysitter.

472
00:20:48,721 --> 00:20:51,255
<i>She's like, perfect.
She's very nice to me,</i>

473
00:20:51,257 --> 00:20:52,789
<i>which goes a long way with me.</i>

474
00:20:52,791 --> 00:20:54,223
So, we're at her house...

475
00:20:54,226 --> 00:20:56,160
She's practicing a speech
that she's writing.

476
00:20:56,162 --> 00:20:58,127
<i>She's running for
Student Council president.</i>

477
00:20:58,130 --> 00:20:59,431
Did you know
that every year,

478
00:20:59,432 --> 00:21:02,266
the school throws away over
500 tons of recyclable garbage?

479
00:21:02,268 --> 00:21:05,102
- And no one cares.
- I know, it's total bullshit.

480
00:21:05,104 --> 00:21:06,703
But how do you get idiots
to care about shit

481
00:21:06,705 --> 00:21:09,807
- they don't care about?
- They'll just care

482
00:21:09,808 --> 00:21:11,842
because it's the right thing
to care about.

483
00:21:11,844 --> 00:21:14,845
You're more inspiring than George
Bush and Dan Quayle combined.

484
00:21:14,846 --> 00:21:16,613
Well, that's not too hard.

485
00:21:18,049 --> 00:21:19,782
<i>Well, she was amazing,
and she was smart,</i>

486
00:21:19,785 --> 00:21:21,117
<i>and she seemed to
kinda like me,</i>

487
00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:22,885
<i>and I felt like
we were having a moment.</i>

488
00:21:22,887 --> 00:21:25,055
You know what I mean?
Like a romantic moment.

489
00:21:25,057 --> 00:21:26,123
Oh, shit.

490
00:21:26,125 --> 00:21:27,724
<i>So I did something,</i>

491
00:21:27,727 --> 00:21:29,826
<i>that in retrospect
was highly inappropriate.</i>

492
00:21:29,828 --> 00:21:31,130
<i>I kissed her.</i>

493
00:21:31,797 --> 00:21:33,130
I looked down...

494
00:21:33,132 --> 00:21:35,299
<i>I got a fucking
13-year-old boner, man!</i>

495
00:21:35,301 --> 00:21:38,134
- Oh!
- Hard... But not big.

496
00:21:38,136 --> 00:21:40,938
But hard. And pronounced,
"13-year-old boner."

497
00:21:40,940 --> 00:21:41,939
Sorry.

498
00:21:41,941 --> 00:21:43,909
And she looks at it.
She sees it. And she goes...

499
00:21:44,676 --> 00:21:45,742
It's okay.

500
00:21:45,744 --> 00:21:47,244
And then,

501
00:21:47,247 --> 00:21:49,113
her boyfriend comes
into the room,

502
00:21:49,115 --> 00:21:50,814
who was in the other room
watching <i>Blossom!</i>

503
00:21:50,816 --> 00:21:51,882
Hey, babe.

504
00:21:51,884 --> 00:21:53,750
Points out my fucking
little boner.

505
00:21:53,752 --> 00:21:56,153
- <i>He makes a joke!</i>
- Whoa!

506
00:21:56,155 --> 00:21:57,690
<i>And they left.</i>

507
00:21:58,325 --> 00:21:59,858
I'm sorry.

508
00:22:01,894 --> 00:22:04,963
And I'm left
standing there alone...

509
00:22:05,798 --> 00:22:06,763
in the kitchen,

510
00:22:06,766 --> 00:22:09,767
with my little, hard
13-year-old fucking boner.

511
00:22:09,769 --> 00:22:11,934
- Hard as a rock.
- And on top of that,

512
00:22:11,936 --> 00:22:13,604
she didn't win
the fucking election.

513
00:22:13,605 --> 00:22:16,307
Bill Sterling won because
he ran on a two-prom platform.

514
00:22:16,308 --> 00:22:19,344
- Two-prom!
- Two-proms! Back-to-back!

515
00:22:19,346 --> 00:22:21,711
She didn't stand
a fucking chance.

516
00:22:21,713 --> 00:22:22,846
No, man.

517
00:22:22,847 --> 00:22:24,882
I think you're skimming over
the best part of that story.

518
00:22:24,884 --> 00:22:26,616
What's the best part
of that story?

519
00:22:26,618 --> 00:22:28,385
She says your boner was okay.

520
00:22:28,387 --> 00:22:30,188
She said, "It's okay,"
like she was trying

521
00:22:30,190 --> 00:22:32,022
to not make me
fucking feel bad.

522
00:22:32,025 --> 00:22:34,025
Fred, you see
a fucked-up story,

523
00:22:34,027 --> 00:22:37,760
when I see a beautiful story
about a girl that you liked,

524
00:22:37,762 --> 00:22:40,897
liking your boner
in all of its okay-ness.

525
00:22:40,900 --> 00:22:42,967
You need
to talk to her tonight.

526
00:22:42,969 --> 00:22:44,234
She probably doesn't remember
who I am,

527
00:22:44,237 --> 00:22:45,936
and if she does remember
who I am,

528
00:22:45,939 --> 00:22:47,105
the last thing she wants is

529
00:22:47,106 --> 00:22:49,207
my 13-year-old-boner-having
fucking ass walking up to her.

530
00:22:49,209 --> 00:22:50,275
- Look...
- Excuse me.

531
00:22:50,277 --> 00:22:51,308
Whoa.

532
00:22:51,310 --> 00:22:52,977
Secretary Field would
like to speak with you.

533
00:22:52,979 --> 00:22:54,211
With me?

534
00:22:54,213 --> 00:22:55,645
With him, right?

535
00:22:55,647 --> 00:22:57,414
- Yeah.
- Right now?

536
00:22:57,416 --> 00:22:59,017
Uh, do you know why?

537
00:22:59,019 --> 00:23:00,119
This way.

538
00:23:01,221 --> 00:23:02,386
This is good.

539
00:23:02,388 --> 00:23:03,821
What are you
nervous about?

540
00:23:03,824 --> 00:23:06,090
What the fuck?
Everything I just said!

541
00:23:15,733 --> 00:23:17,701
Oh, my God, dude,
there she is.

542
00:23:26,246 --> 00:23:28,078
What are you gonna
say to her?

543
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:29,681
I don't know.

544
00:23:29,682 --> 00:23:31,048
Should open with a neg.

545
00:23:31,050 --> 00:23:32,349
Tell her she's too tall.

546
00:23:32,352 --> 00:23:34,251
I'm not gonna neg
the secretary of state.

547
00:23:34,253 --> 00:23:36,189
- It was so nice to see you.
- You as well.

548
00:23:38,325 --> 00:23:41,125
Give me the signal
when you need me.

549
00:23:41,127 --> 00:23:43,260
- Hi.
- Hi.

550
00:23:43,262 --> 00:23:44,695
A man brought me here.

551
00:23:44,698 --> 00:23:46,230
Yes, sorry about that.

552
00:23:46,232 --> 00:23:47,265
- Um...
- No, not at all.

553
00:23:47,267 --> 00:23:50,134
I can't shake this feeling
that we know each other.

554
00:23:50,136 --> 00:23:51,769
- We do. Yeah.
- We do?

555
00:23:51,770 --> 00:23:53,171
- We do know each other.
- Okay, so I'm not crazy.

556
00:23:53,173 --> 00:23:55,472
- Uh, I'm Fred.
- Fred...

557
00:23:55,474 --> 00:23:56,773
I was shorter,

558
00:23:56,776 --> 00:23:58,209
- but other than that...
- Flarsky?

559
00:23:58,211 --> 00:23:59,277
Yeah! Holy fuck!

560
00:23:59,278 --> 00:24:00,979
I can't believe it.
You remember.

561
00:24:00,980 --> 00:24:03,248
Oh, my God,
look at you!

562
00:24:03,250 --> 00:24:04,449
Look at me, yes.

563
00:24:04,451 --> 00:24:05,717
What are you doing here?

564
00:24:05,719 --> 00:24:08,219
My friend, Lance...
That's Lance.

565
00:24:08,221 --> 00:24:09,253
Hey, how you doing?

566
00:24:09,256 --> 00:24:11,923
He, uh, he just brought me
here to see Boyz II Men.

567
00:24:11,924 --> 00:24:13,057
I just met them.

568
00:24:13,058 --> 00:24:14,893
- You met the Men?
- Yeah.

569
00:24:14,894 --> 00:24:16,494
- What was it like?
- Don't tell anybody,

570
00:24:16,497 --> 00:24:17,996
but it was
the highlight of my life.

571
00:24:17,998 --> 00:24:19,130
Oh, I totally get that.

572
00:24:19,132 --> 00:24:20,131
And I've met
the Dalai Lama.

573
00:24:20,133 --> 00:24:22,799
Fuck him. How many hits
does he have? None.

574
00:24:22,801 --> 00:24:24,736
Don't actually fuck him.

575
00:24:24,738 --> 00:24:25,869
- He's a wonderful man.
- Yeah.

576
00:24:25,872 --> 00:24:27,305
What are you doing
these days?

577
00:24:27,307 --> 00:24:29,175
I bet it's
something amazing.

578
00:24:30,911 --> 00:24:32,176
- It's pretty amazing.
- Yeah.

579
00:24:32,179 --> 00:24:33,243
Uh, yeah,

580
00:24:33,246 --> 00:24:35,846
but it's still in its, uh,
gestation period, I guess.

581
00:24:35,848 --> 00:24:37,015
I don't need to get into it.

582
00:24:37,017 --> 00:24:38,117
What about you,
what have you been up to?

583
00:24:39,085 --> 00:24:40,250
You're the secretary...
I'm joking.

584
00:24:40,252 --> 00:24:41,386
I know what
you've been up to.

585
00:24:41,388 --> 00:24:42,587
- Yeah.
- You're very, um...

586
00:24:42,589 --> 00:24:44,955
You know, I just, I... I just
wanna say it's, like, amazing

587
00:24:44,958 --> 00:24:46,023
to see what you've done
with your life.

588
00:24:46,026 --> 00:24:47,157
A lot of people say
they're gonna do

589
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:49,259
all this incredible stuff
and they don't do anything,

590
00:24:49,261 --> 00:24:51,897
but you actually did it all,
so, congrats.

591
00:24:53,267 --> 00:24:55,232
Well, I'm trying.

592
00:24:55,234 --> 00:24:56,769
I think you've done it.

593
00:24:58,439 --> 00:24:59,739
Oh!

594
00:25:00,906 --> 00:25:02,208
Parker Wembley.

595
00:25:02,210 --> 00:25:03,474
I hate this guy.

596
00:25:03,477 --> 00:25:06,109
Parker Wembley, the guy
who buys and sells newspapers

597
00:25:06,112 --> 00:25:08,213
and thinks that hurricanes
are caused by gay marriage?

598
00:25:08,215 --> 00:25:09,280
You know him?

599
00:25:09,282 --> 00:25:10,481
He's coming over here.

600
00:25:10,483 --> 00:25:12,250
- Is he behind me?
- Yeah.

601
00:25:12,252 --> 00:25:15,853
- Finally. Secretary Field.
- Parker, how are you?

602
00:25:15,855 --> 00:25:18,021
You are looking
particularly gorgeous tonight.

603
00:25:18,023 --> 00:25:19,325
Thank you.

604
00:25:19,326 --> 00:25:21,492
I... I've been trying
to set a meeting with you

605
00:25:21,494 --> 00:25:24,096
for some months now,
and, uh...

606
00:25:24,097 --> 00:25:25,863
I mean, have you been
avoiding me?

607
00:25:25,865 --> 00:25:28,865
No! No.

608
00:25:28,867 --> 00:25:31,003
Not successfully.

609
00:25:32,472 --> 00:25:35,038
Who's your friend?

610
00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:36,907
- Fred.
- Hey, Fred!

611
00:25:36,910 --> 00:25:37,976
- Yes, hi.
- How are you?

612
00:25:37,978 --> 00:25:39,943
And, uh, what is it
that you do?

613
00:25:39,945 --> 00:25:41,980
I'm a journalist,
actually. Yeah.

614
00:25:41,981 --> 00:25:43,815
- Ooh, a journalist.
- Mmm-hmm. Yeah.

615
00:25:43,817 --> 00:25:46,218
Will I have read
anything that you've written?

616
00:25:46,220 --> 00:25:49,020
Probably not recently 'cause
I'm unemployed at the moment.

617
00:25:49,022 --> 00:25:50,922
Oh, I am so sorry
to hear that.

618
00:25:50,923 --> 00:25:52,191
Not your fault.

619
00:25:52,192 --> 00:25:54,125
Excuse me, Secretary Field,
we need a word.

620
00:25:54,127 --> 00:25:56,194
- Oh, okay.
- So we will have that meeting.

621
00:25:56,197 --> 00:25:57,262
- Right?
- Yes.

622
00:25:57,265 --> 00:25:58,998
Okay, good. Fred.

623
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:00,164
- Yes?
- Best of luck.

624
00:26:00,166 --> 00:26:01,232
Oh, why, thanks.

625
00:26:01,234 --> 00:26:02,300
Things will turn around
for you.

626
00:26:02,303 --> 00:26:03,201
So nice of you.

627
00:26:03,203 --> 00:26:05,006
Darkest before the dawn
and all that.

628
00:26:06,539 --> 00:26:09,008
- I actually... I do have to...
- Yeah.

629
00:26:09,009 --> 00:26:10,375
You probably have a lot
of things to do.

630
00:26:10,377 --> 00:26:11,442
Better than this.

631
00:26:11,444 --> 00:26:12,577
It's really nice
to see you again.

632
00:26:12,579 --> 00:26:16,115
Oh. Yeah. Okay. Sure. Great.

633
00:26:16,116 --> 00:26:19,151
Oh, you're backless.
Wasn't expecting that.

634
00:26:19,153 --> 00:26:21,019
- Have fun at the party.
- You too.

635
00:26:21,021 --> 00:26:22,155
Great to see you.

636
00:26:25,226 --> 00:26:28,192
I see you. I see you. Yeah.

637
00:26:30,631 --> 00:26:33,067
So I said,
"You want..."

638
00:26:34,567 --> 00:26:35,968
Hey. Hey.
What's that look in your eye?

639
00:26:35,970 --> 00:26:37,036
What are you
about to go do?

640
00:26:37,038 --> 00:26:38,871
Tonight is
about the animals, dude.

641
00:26:38,873 --> 00:26:40,873
Fuck the animals!
They're fucking gone, man.

642
00:26:40,875 --> 00:26:42,574
Too late
for the fucking animals.

643
00:26:44,412 --> 00:26:46,077
Hey!

644
00:26:46,079 --> 00:26:47,578
- Oh, Fred?
- Yeah, look.

645
00:26:47,580 --> 00:26:49,914
- What's the problem?
- I'll tell you the problem.

646
00:26:49,916 --> 00:26:51,450
- What?
- You're the problem, man!

647
00:26:51,451 --> 00:26:54,019
You're everything that's wrong
with this fucking country.

648
00:26:54,020 --> 00:26:57,256
'Cause you're an old,
rich, white piece of shit

649
00:26:57,258 --> 00:26:59,991
and your media conglomerate
is ruining this planet!

650
00:26:59,993 --> 00:27:01,926
- Enough.
- I'm done anyway.

651
00:27:01,929 --> 00:27:03,595
I had more time with you
than I thought I would,

652
00:27:03,596 --> 00:27:05,230
so joke's on you.
Excuse me, thank you.

653
00:27:05,231 --> 00:27:06,898
Whoa, shit!

654
00:27:09,336 --> 00:27:10,569
God!

655
00:27:12,105 --> 00:27:13,271
<i>Cracker down!</i>

656
00:27:13,273 --> 00:27:14,673
Oh, my God.

657
00:27:14,675 --> 00:27:16,009
Looks like it hurt.

658
00:27:16,644 --> 00:27:18,509
Boyz II Men, back up.

659
00:27:18,511 --> 00:27:19,978
You all right? You good?

660
00:27:19,980 --> 00:27:21,145
- You all right?
- I'm okay!

661
00:27:21,147 --> 00:27:22,213
He's okay!

662
00:27:22,215 --> 00:27:23,351
How is he standing?

663
00:27:29,957 --> 00:27:32,058
- Oh!
- Ouch!

664
00:27:34,095 --> 00:27:37,930
<i>♪ Oh, no
That's the Ruff Ryder...</i>

665
00:27:37,932 --> 00:27:38,997
This is so creative.

666
00:27:41,335 --> 00:27:42,568
Ha-ha!

667
00:27:42,570 --> 00:27:44,137
- What was that?
- Thank you, Tom.

668
00:27:44,638 --> 00:27:46,971
God, that was crazy.

669
00:27:46,973 --> 00:27:48,339
I mean,
now that we know he's okay,

670
00:27:48,342 --> 00:27:51,009
it was all so hilarious.

671
00:27:51,010 --> 00:27:53,613
And so what is
the relationship exactly?

672
00:27:53,615 --> 00:27:55,247
- Was he your super?
- No,

673
00:27:55,249 --> 00:27:57,182
we grew up
next door to each other.

674
00:27:57,183 --> 00:27:58,451
Yeah.

675
00:27:58,452 --> 00:28:01,320
Fuck,
I used to babysit for him.

676
00:28:01,323 --> 00:28:03,556
- You babysat for him?
- I did.

677
00:28:03,557 --> 00:28:06,224
Wow. Time has not been kind.

678
00:28:06,227 --> 00:28:07,226
He was
such a strange little kid.

679
00:28:07,228 --> 00:28:10,430
But he was really funny.
And he was super smart.

680
00:28:10,432 --> 00:28:12,499
He did have this chip
on his shoulder, though.

681
00:28:12,500 --> 00:28:14,534
He's actually
not a bad writer.

682
00:28:14,536 --> 00:28:15,968
Wait, you've read
his stuff?

683
00:28:15,970 --> 00:28:17,169
Yeah, <i>Brooklyn Advocate.</i>

684
00:28:17,171 --> 00:28:19,471
Oh, God, of course,
you read that, Tom.

685
00:28:19,473 --> 00:28:21,240
Didn't that paper
just get sold off?

686
00:28:21,242 --> 00:28:22,608
Wembley Media
just bought them.

687
00:28:22,611 --> 00:28:25,176
Oh, that makes total sense.

688
00:28:25,179 --> 00:28:27,380
That's why he was
such a dick to Wembley.

689
00:28:27,382 --> 00:28:31,385
So the rest of the schedule
for the day is pretty packed.

690
00:28:41,695 --> 00:28:43,028
- Hi.
- Hey.

691
00:28:43,029 --> 00:28:45,731
Did you like
any of those writing samples?

692
00:28:45,733 --> 00:28:48,601
Yeah, McKenzie is good.
Bess is solid.

693
00:28:48,603 --> 00:28:53,138
And, um,
Fred's stuff isn't too bad.

694
00:28:53,141 --> 00:28:55,107
Wait, not the...

695
00:28:55,109 --> 00:28:57,576
The homeless person
that fell down the stairs?

696
00:28:57,578 --> 00:29:00,180
Yeah. He has a real voice.

697
00:29:00,182 --> 00:29:02,781
And he knows me.
I mean, he knew me.

698
00:29:02,784 --> 00:29:04,451
And that's probably
a good thing

699
00:29:04,452 --> 00:29:07,353
if he's going to be
writing for me.

700
00:29:07,355 --> 00:29:09,388
Bringing someone like that
onto the team,

701
00:29:09,391 --> 00:29:12,090
I have to say,
feels a little reckless.

702
00:29:12,093 --> 00:29:15,561
His writing is really good.
And it's funny.

703
00:29:15,564 --> 00:29:17,596
I think he can get that
number up by a few points.

704
00:29:17,598 --> 00:29:19,300
And if he doesn't,
we fire him.

705
00:29:20,167 --> 00:29:21,233
Okay.

706
00:29:21,236 --> 00:29:22,237
Okay.

707
00:29:22,770 --> 00:29:24,239
Fred Flarsky it is.

708
00:29:24,673 --> 00:29:26,040
Thanks.

709
00:29:31,212 --> 00:29:32,213
All right, bye.

710
00:29:38,653 --> 00:29:40,286
Unknown!

711
00:29:40,288 --> 00:29:42,087
I don't give a fuck.
Answer that shit.

712
00:29:42,089 --> 00:29:43,455
- What?
- Answer it!

713
00:29:43,458 --> 00:29:45,090
What if it's The Man
trying to get at me?

714
00:29:45,093 --> 00:29:46,794
No, it's the universe
trying to talk to you.

715
00:29:46,796 --> 00:29:48,060
Really?

716
00:29:48,063 --> 00:29:49,528
- Gang.
- Gang.

717
00:29:49,530 --> 00:29:51,297
Do that shit, man.
Fred, don't fuck with me.

718
00:29:51,298 --> 00:29:52,833
All right. Hello. Gang.

719
00:29:52,835 --> 00:29:54,666
- Mr. Flarsky?
- <i>What?</i>

720
00:29:54,669 --> 00:29:56,201
Wait, slow down. What?

721
00:29:56,203 --> 00:29:58,104
- <i>You're unknown. Pardon?</i>
- Oh, my God. Mr. Flarsky.

722
00:29:58,105 --> 00:30:00,205
- <i>Hello?</i>
- Go on.

723
00:30:00,208 --> 00:30:03,810
This is Maggie Millikin
from Secretary Field's office.

724
00:30:03,813 --> 00:30:06,112
Hello, Maggie,
who works for Secretary Field.

725
00:30:06,114 --> 00:30:07,780
- Whoo!
- <i>Hello?</i>

726
00:30:07,782 --> 00:30:09,082
That's good!
Talk to her.

727
00:30:09,084 --> 00:30:11,751
- <i>Hello?</i>
- How can I help you?

728
00:30:11,753 --> 00:30:13,721
The secretary would like
to meet with you immediately.

729
00:30:13,722 --> 00:30:15,087
We will send a car over.

730
00:30:15,089 --> 00:30:16,789
Can you give me
the most convenient address?

731
00:30:16,791 --> 00:30:18,625
- What is she saying?
- Secretary would like

732
00:30:18,627 --> 00:30:19,727
to meet with me immediately

733
00:30:19,729 --> 00:30:20,762
and they're going
to send a car?

734
00:30:23,163 --> 00:30:25,833
Mr. Lou's Deli in Brooklyn.

735
00:30:25,835 --> 00:30:28,268
- I'm sure you can find it.
- <i>I will google it.</i>

736
00:30:28,269 --> 00:30:30,303
Mr. Lou's in Brooklyn.
Stay right there.

737
00:30:30,305 --> 00:30:31,371
<i>Okay.</i>

738
00:30:31,373 --> 00:30:33,539
Uh, I'll see you soon.

739
00:30:33,541 --> 00:30:35,810
Oh,
I feel so scared.

740
00:30:36,612 --> 00:30:37,744
Do I look okay?

741
00:30:37,747 --> 00:30:39,211
Do I look funny?

742
00:30:39,213 --> 00:30:40,445
- Why are these pockets here?
- It's okay.

743
00:30:40,448 --> 00:30:41,714
God fucking damn it!

744
00:30:41,717 --> 00:30:43,584
Why am I wearing
these fucking stupid pants?

745
00:30:43,586 --> 00:30:44,817
They're too tapered!

746
00:30:44,819 --> 00:30:47,252
Who wears these silly-looking,
fucking tapered cargo pants

747
00:30:47,255 --> 00:30:49,388
and see the fucking
secretary of state?

748
00:30:49,391 --> 00:30:50,891
You can't think like this.
You have to be positive.

749
00:30:50,893 --> 00:30:52,392
- Mr. Flarsky?
- Oh, shit.

750
00:30:52,394 --> 00:30:53,528
Mr. Flarsky.

751
00:30:56,131 --> 00:30:57,230
Wish me luck, man.

752
00:30:57,231 --> 00:30:58,766
Yeah, you don't need luck, man.
She said it was okay.

753
00:30:58,768 --> 00:30:59,833
Luck is for losers.

754
00:30:59,835 --> 00:31:01,835
You've got destiny
on your side.

755
00:31:01,836 --> 00:31:04,637
You're good. Fred.

756
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:06,173
You buy the body.

757
00:31:06,808 --> 00:31:08,076
That doesn't mean anything.

758
00:31:10,512 --> 00:31:12,178
Fred, put your
seat belt on.

759
00:31:12,180 --> 00:31:14,650
Take care of my friend.
All right?

760
00:31:15,718 --> 00:31:17,917
- I look normal?
- You look cool.

761
00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:19,320
I love you, Fred!

762
00:31:19,888 --> 00:31:21,757
Nut boys for life!

763
00:31:37,839 --> 00:31:40,807
Empty your pockets
and take off your backpack.

764
00:31:40,809 --> 00:31:42,176
Empty my pockets?

765
00:31:44,313 --> 00:31:45,714
All right. That's...

766
00:31:46,816 --> 00:31:48,250
Let's see how this goes.

767
00:31:51,354 --> 00:31:53,386
Not a regular cop, I assume.

768
00:31:53,388 --> 00:31:56,757
Got bigger fish to fry than
just normal cop shit, right?

769
00:31:56,759 --> 00:31:58,794
So, uh, okay. Let's do it.

770
00:32:00,563 --> 00:32:04,298
That's prescription.
For anxiety. Uh...

771
00:32:04,299 --> 00:32:07,867
This is if you can't dance for
a long time and you want to.

772
00:32:07,869 --> 00:32:10,537
That's prescription as well,
for, uh, lack of energy.

773
00:32:10,538 --> 00:32:11,805
That's energy powder.

774
00:32:11,807 --> 00:32:15,411
These are to wrap
the anxiety medication in

775
00:32:16,278 --> 00:32:19,346
when inhaling it medicinally.

776
00:32:19,347 --> 00:32:21,815
That's if you want to vaporize
the anxiety medicine,

777
00:32:21,817 --> 00:32:23,486
which I have
a prescription for.

778
00:32:24,487 --> 00:32:25,820
And that's a blunt.

779
00:32:31,861 --> 00:32:33,194
Ooh.

780
00:32:34,864 --> 00:32:35,865
Hi.

781
00:32:41,604 --> 00:32:42,672
Wow.

782
00:32:44,839 --> 00:32:46,306
Will you sign this, please?

783
00:32:46,307 --> 00:32:48,509
- What is it?
- It's an NDA.

784
00:32:48,510 --> 00:32:49,576
A non-disclosure agreement?

785
00:32:49,577 --> 00:32:51,880
- That's right.
- Okay.

786
00:32:51,882 --> 00:32:53,547
- Oh, my God.
- Fred.

787
00:32:53,548 --> 00:32:55,348
- Yeah.
- Hey, nice to see you again.

788
00:32:55,351 --> 00:32:56,683
- Hi, you too.
- Come on in.

789
00:32:56,685 --> 00:32:57,684
Take a seat.

790
00:32:57,686 --> 00:32:59,887
Good to see you were
not injured from that fall.

791
00:32:59,890 --> 00:33:01,721
Oh, yeah, you know what?

792
00:33:01,723 --> 00:33:03,323
I actually think
the brim of my hat

793
00:33:03,325 --> 00:33:04,893
kind of protected
my face ultimately.

794
00:33:04,894 --> 00:33:07,294
So, thank God I was
underdressed in the end, right?

795
00:33:07,296 --> 00:33:09,262
Well, as long as you're good.

796
00:33:09,265 --> 00:33:10,663
- I'm okay.
- Yeah. Great.

797
00:33:10,665 --> 00:33:11,733
Uh...

798
00:33:13,536 --> 00:33:14,969
Why am I here?

799
00:33:14,971 --> 00:33:16,569
What I'm about to
share with you

800
00:33:16,571 --> 00:33:18,705
is, obviously,
highly confidential.

801
00:33:18,708 --> 00:33:19,807
Oh, yeah.

802
00:33:19,809 --> 00:33:21,242
Keep it
on the down low.

803
00:33:22,746 --> 00:33:25,413
President Chambers will not
be seeking reelection.

804
00:33:25,715 --> 00:33:26,780
Really?

805
00:33:26,782 --> 00:33:28,449
Yes.

806
00:33:28,451 --> 00:33:32,452
That's fucking sick!
That's awesome.

807
00:33:32,454 --> 00:33:35,556
Are you telling each American
individually the good news?

808
00:33:35,557 --> 00:33:36,623
I mean, but seriously.

809
00:33:36,625 --> 00:33:37,791
Did he just realize
he sucks at it

810
00:33:37,794 --> 00:33:39,526
and decide
not to do it anymore?

811
00:33:39,528 --> 00:33:43,463
He just wants to move
into film and make movies.

812
00:33:43,465 --> 00:33:44,932
- Really?
- Yeah.

813
00:33:44,934 --> 00:33:46,835
That's cool. That's a tough
transition to make.

814
00:33:46,836 --> 00:33:49,671
Not many actors have made
the leap from TV to film.

815
00:33:49,673 --> 00:33:51,404
You got George Clooney,
you got Woody Harrelson...

816
00:33:51,406 --> 00:33:52,472
Jennifer Aniston.

817
00:33:52,474 --> 00:33:54,075
Mmm, did she though?

818
00:33:54,076 --> 00:33:55,777
You don't think Jennifer
Aniston's a movie star?

819
00:33:55,778 --> 00:33:56,845
Just 'cause
you star in movies

820
00:33:56,846 --> 00:33:57,912
doesn't mean
you're a movie star.

821
00:33:57,913 --> 00:34:00,048
The point is...

822
00:34:00,049 --> 00:34:02,853
He's going to endorse me
for president in 2020.

823
00:34:03,352 --> 00:34:04,417
Wow.

824
00:34:04,420 --> 00:34:05,753
- I know.
- <i>Mazel tov.</i>

825
00:34:05,756 --> 00:34:06,887
So.

826
00:34:06,890 --> 00:34:08,956
We're headed to
an environmental summit

827
00:34:08,958 --> 00:34:10,389
hosted by King Gustav

828
00:34:10,391 --> 00:34:12,025
and the Swedish Royal Family.

829
00:34:12,027 --> 00:34:14,327
At the summit,
I'll be announcing

830
00:34:14,329 --> 00:34:16,429
that the world's
three largest polluters

831
00:34:16,431 --> 00:34:17,798
have signed on
to the most comprehensive

832
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:19,800
and exciting
environmental deal ever.

833
00:34:19,802 --> 00:34:21,068
You know,
after I have some dairy,

834
00:34:21,070 --> 00:34:22,936
I'm one of the world's
three largest polluters.

835
00:34:22,938 --> 00:34:24,105
Excuse me?

836
00:34:24,106 --> 00:34:26,507
We'll address
rising sea levels,

837
00:34:26,510 --> 00:34:28,108
combat deforestation

838
00:34:28,110 --> 00:34:30,445
and protect
the world's pollinators.

839
00:34:30,447 --> 00:34:33,547
I'm calling it the Global
Rehabilitation Initiative.

840
00:34:33,550 --> 00:34:34,815
Internally,
we're referring to it

841
00:34:34,818 --> 00:34:36,117
as "Bees, Trees and the Seas."

842
00:34:36,119 --> 00:34:37,652
Soon after that,

843
00:34:37,653 --> 00:34:39,987
I hope to announce that
100 countries have signed on.

844
00:34:39,989 --> 00:34:42,489
- Wow.
- At which point...

845
00:34:42,492 --> 00:34:44,858
I will resign
as secretary of state.

846
00:34:44,860 --> 00:34:47,862
Using this initiative
as a springboard,

847
00:34:47,864 --> 00:34:50,063
I will announce
my presidential run in 2020.

848
00:34:50,065 --> 00:34:51,668
- Cool.
- So...

849
00:34:53,570 --> 00:34:56,137
I need some writers
to punch up my speeches.

850
00:34:56,139 --> 00:34:58,472
I read your work
and I really like it.

851
00:34:58,474 --> 00:34:59,673
That's... Wow.

852
00:34:59,675 --> 00:35:01,376
You mentioned
you were between jobs.

853
00:35:01,378 --> 00:35:02,342
So it's a really good fit.

854
00:35:02,344 --> 00:35:04,913
It's so nice of you
to think of me at all,

855
00:35:04,914 --> 00:35:07,414
honestly, with everything
going on in your head.

856
00:35:07,416 --> 00:35:08,715
I look forward
to working with you.

857
00:35:08,717 --> 00:35:09,719
Thank you.

858
00:35:11,855 --> 00:35:14,724
Um... So, uh,
when do you need to know by?

859
00:35:15,992 --> 00:35:18,126
What?
I don't understand.

860
00:35:18,128 --> 00:35:20,161
When do you need to know if
I'm going to take your, uh,

861
00:35:20,164 --> 00:35:21,731
your punch-up job?

862
00:35:23,134 --> 00:35:24,599
Right now.

863
00:35:24,601 --> 00:35:27,168
Oh. Uh...
Then I guess,

864
00:35:27,170 --> 00:35:29,871
maybe... Maybe, uh, no?

865
00:35:29,873 --> 00:35:32,141
Maybe no, I don't know.
I don't know!

866
00:35:32,143 --> 00:35:33,242
You know what,
Madam Secretary,

867
00:35:33,244 --> 00:35:35,177
he's not interested.
We tried, it didn't work out.

868
00:35:35,179 --> 00:35:37,947
So I can give you
some writing samples...

869
00:35:42,952 --> 00:35:44,952
What don't you know?

870
00:35:44,954 --> 00:35:47,487
This whole Seas, Bees
and Trees thing.

871
00:35:47,489 --> 00:35:49,123
Is it actually
going to do something?

872
00:35:49,126 --> 00:35:50,791
Or is it going to be
one of those things

873
00:35:50,793 --> 00:35:52,827
that maybe only sounds like
it's gonna do something,

874
00:35:52,829 --> 00:35:54,561
but doesn't
actually do something?

875
00:35:54,563 --> 00:35:57,099
I only wanna come work for you

876
00:35:57,101 --> 00:35:58,666
if it's actually
gonna do something.

877
00:35:58,668 --> 00:35:59,969
It will do something.

878
00:35:59,971 --> 00:36:01,835
This is a perfect document.

879
00:36:01,838 --> 00:36:04,139
They all start out that way
and then they get watered down.

880
00:36:04,141 --> 00:36:05,074
Fred.

881
00:36:05,076 --> 00:36:07,541
Not only does this
initiative sound good,

882
00:36:07,543 --> 00:36:08,409
it's going to do good.

883
00:36:08,411 --> 00:36:10,777
It's gonna save
the fucking planet.

884
00:36:10,780 --> 00:36:12,947
Not to mention,
pay your rent.

885
00:36:12,949 --> 00:36:14,215
So, are you in?

886
00:36:14,217 --> 00:36:16,853
Or do you have something
more important to do?

887
00:36:17,855 --> 00:36:19,521
Than save the planet with you?

888
00:36:21,224 --> 00:36:23,858
No, I don't.
I'm in.

889
00:36:23,860 --> 00:36:25,693
Phew!

890
00:36:25,695 --> 00:36:26,963
Let's save the planet.

891
00:36:27,630 --> 00:36:28,596
That was...

892
00:36:28,597 --> 00:36:30,699
What just happened?
She's good.

893
00:36:56,260 --> 00:36:57,228
Uh, hey.

894
00:36:59,163 --> 00:37:01,163
I had some jokes, uh,
I was gonna run by you,

895
00:37:01,164 --> 00:37:02,599
maybe, if you have a second.

896
00:37:05,902 --> 00:37:08,505
What are you...
What are you looking at?

897
00:37:12,909 --> 00:37:13,976
- Jesus!
- Oh, my God!

898
00:37:13,978 --> 00:37:16,210
Why would you just barge
in here while I'm sleeping?

899
00:37:16,213 --> 00:37:17,746
- You were sleeping?
- Yes!

900
00:37:17,748 --> 00:37:19,514
I was micro napping.

901
00:37:19,516 --> 00:37:21,282
- That's what you call that?
- Yes.

902
00:37:21,284 --> 00:37:22,952
Sorry, I didn't realize
you were sleeping.

903
00:37:22,954 --> 00:37:24,519
You were standing
and your eyes were open.

904
00:37:24,521 --> 00:37:25,586
Do you need something?

905
00:37:25,588 --> 00:37:26,688
I have some jokes
that I wrote

906
00:37:26,690 --> 00:37:28,690
that I was gonna run by you
if you have a second.

907
00:37:28,693 --> 00:37:30,159
Yeah, that was actually
a really good nap.

908
00:37:30,161 --> 00:37:32,193
Great. Seemed very restful.

909
00:37:32,195 --> 00:37:33,197
Okay.

910
00:37:36,099 --> 00:37:37,032
Whoa.

911
00:37:37,034 --> 00:37:40,635
I feel like these jokes
are a little angry.

912
00:37:40,637 --> 00:37:42,938
Oh. I thought maybe
they were, like, emphatic?

913
00:37:42,940 --> 00:37:44,840
"With every
fracking drill thrust,

914
00:37:44,842 --> 00:37:47,675
"we are literally
butt-fucking Mother Earth"?

915
00:37:47,677 --> 00:37:48,844
It can be normal fucking.

916
00:37:48,846 --> 00:37:50,211
It doesn't have to be
in the butt.

917
00:37:50,213 --> 00:37:51,280
I can take that part out.

918
00:37:51,282 --> 00:37:52,847
Yeah, listen, Fred.

919
00:37:52,849 --> 00:37:54,248
If I'm angry,
I'm hysterical.

920
00:37:54,251 --> 00:37:55,851
If I'm emotional,
I'm weak.

921
00:37:55,853 --> 00:37:57,585
If I so much as
raise my voice, I'm a bitch.

922
00:37:57,588 --> 00:37:58,853
My job's hard.

923
00:37:58,856 --> 00:38:00,822
Not as hard as mine.

924
00:38:00,824 --> 00:38:02,623
I think maybe, like,
part of the problem

925
00:38:02,626 --> 00:38:04,893
is that, like, a lot of humor
is based on,

926
00:38:04,894 --> 00:38:07,028
like, personal experiences.

927
00:38:07,030 --> 00:38:07,929
I was thinking, you know,

928
00:38:07,931 --> 00:38:09,898
you cared a lot
about the environment

929
00:38:09,900 --> 00:38:11,065
- since high school.
- Mmm-hmm.

930
00:38:11,068 --> 00:38:14,802
So maybe include
some stories about that.

931
00:38:14,804 --> 00:38:16,172
- High school?
- Yeah.

932
00:38:17,742 --> 00:38:19,007
You think that's funny?

933
00:38:19,010 --> 00:38:20,108
I think it's a good area.

934
00:38:20,110 --> 00:38:22,177
Nostalgia,
pop culture references.

935
00:38:22,179 --> 00:38:23,278
People love that.

936
00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:25,114
Jimmy Fallon's made
an entire career off of that.

937
00:38:25,115 --> 00:38:27,282
When I think about school,
I just think about studying.

938
00:38:27,284 --> 00:38:28,884
No, you did
so much more than that.

939
00:38:28,885 --> 00:38:31,586
I think your whole 1991
platform was pretty on-point

940
00:38:31,588 --> 00:38:32,920
when you were running
for Student Council.

941
00:38:32,922 --> 00:38:35,757
I remember you said,
"Everyone at this school

942
00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:37,960
"pretends to care
about the underdog,

943
00:38:37,961 --> 00:38:39,128
"but the planet Earth is

944
00:38:39,130 --> 00:38:40,329
"the biggest underdog
of them all."

945
00:38:40,331 --> 00:38:41,630
Something like that.

946
00:38:41,632 --> 00:38:42,731
I said that?

947
00:38:42,733 --> 00:38:44,134
Yeah, you did say that.

948
00:38:44,135 --> 00:38:46,034
You were in the kitchen,
making pizza.

949
00:38:46,036 --> 00:38:48,836
We were making signs
for your election.

950
00:38:48,838 --> 00:38:51,074
And you were
wearing that shirt.

951
00:38:51,076 --> 00:38:53,041
I don't know if it was
a strawberry or a flower,

952
00:38:53,043 --> 00:38:54,278
it always confused me.

953
00:38:54,811 --> 00:38:55,878
It was both.

954
00:38:55,880 --> 00:38:57,813
Oh, there you go.

955
00:38:57,815 --> 00:38:59,648
That's all I remember
about that night, though.

956
00:38:59,650 --> 00:39:01,184
Uh, that's where my memories

957
00:39:01,186 --> 00:39:04,686
concerning that evening
expire.

958
00:39:04,688 --> 00:39:07,157
I learned a lot
from that election.

959
00:39:07,159 --> 00:39:08,724
Yeah, that kids are
probably more likely

960
00:39:08,726 --> 00:39:10,126
to vote for two proms

961
00:39:10,128 --> 00:39:12,628
than a very elaborate
recycling program.

962
00:39:12,630 --> 00:39:14,230
Not only kids.

963
00:39:14,231 --> 00:39:17,166
Yeah, that's true.

964
00:39:17,168 --> 00:39:21,003
Did you know he asked me out
to one of those proms?

965
00:39:21,005 --> 00:39:22,172
- Bill Sterling?
- Yeah.

966
00:39:22,173 --> 00:39:23,338
After he beat you?

967
00:39:23,340 --> 00:39:25,675
- Yup.
- Prom one or prom two?

968
00:39:27,012 --> 00:39:28,010
Oh!

969
00:39:28,012 --> 00:39:30,846
What a fuckhead!
You're way better than prom two.

970
00:39:31,949 --> 00:39:34,650
I went to zero proms,
by the way, for the record.

971
00:39:34,652 --> 00:39:36,751
I think you're the smart one
in this situation.

972
00:39:36,753 --> 00:39:38,855
Yes, that's why
I didn't go to prom.

973
00:39:38,856 --> 00:39:42,094
'Cause I was too smart. Uh...

974
00:39:44,228 --> 00:39:47,163
Cool. I'll get to work on
that speech stuff.

975
00:39:47,164 --> 00:39:48,166
Great.

976
00:39:48,699 --> 00:39:49,764
Hey, Fred.

977
00:39:49,766 --> 00:39:51,733
Yeah.

978
00:39:51,735 --> 00:39:54,036
You know, if you want to try
some non-joke stuff,

979
00:39:54,039 --> 00:39:54,971
just go ahead.

980
00:39:54,972 --> 00:39:57,974
Really? Like the main part
of the speech?

981
00:39:57,976 --> 00:40:00,010
Yeah. Just write.

982
00:40:01,213 --> 00:40:02,880
Cool. Awesome. Thanks.

983
00:40:03,447 --> 00:40:04,612
If you take another nap,

984
00:40:04,614 --> 00:40:07,016
you should put on, like,
a bicycle helmet or something.

985
00:40:07,018 --> 00:40:08,918
'Cause you're gonna tip over,
there's turbulence.

986
00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:10,686
That's actually
a really good idea.

987
00:40:10,688 --> 00:40:11,820
It is. I want you
to be careful.

988
00:40:11,822 --> 00:40:12,956
- Yeah.
- We need you.

989
00:40:29,306 --> 00:40:30,873
- Ambassador.
- Welcome to Sweden.

990
00:40:30,876 --> 00:40:32,175
Nice to see you again.

991
00:40:32,177 --> 00:40:33,177
Yeah, you too.

992
00:40:35,313 --> 00:40:36,880
I look forward to seeing you
tonight at dinner.

993
00:40:36,882 --> 00:40:37,981
Yes.

994
00:40:37,983 --> 00:40:39,349
Uh, Madam Secretary,

995
00:40:39,351 --> 00:40:40,717
I have some ideas
I wanna throw by you.

996
00:40:40,719 --> 00:40:41,918
Yeah, soon, Fred.

997
00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:43,152
Tom, do you have the schedule?

998
00:40:43,155 --> 00:40:44,856
- Yes, of course, ma'am.
- All right.

999
00:40:47,925 --> 00:40:49,126
In the back, Flarsky!

1000
00:40:50,795 --> 00:40:52,195
Then at 8:15, you have
a fitting for tonight's gala.

1001
00:40:52,197 --> 00:40:55,130
Then at 8:45, a call with
Iraqi Prime Minister Masum,

1002
00:40:55,132 --> 00:40:57,199
9:15, a call
to Brazilian President Temer

1003
00:40:57,202 --> 00:40:58,367
about deforestation issues.

1004
00:40:58,369 --> 00:41:01,771
2:15, you have a call with
U.K. Foreign Secretary Green

1005
00:41:01,773 --> 00:41:03,972
to discuss your tour
of Scotland in a few weeks.

1006
00:41:03,974 --> 00:41:06,141
2:25, then you have
a call with <i>New York Times</i>

1007
00:41:06,143 --> 00:41:08,378
to comment on POTUS'
latest Instagram attack

1008
00:41:08,380 --> 00:41:10,746
on Prime Minister Bharath
of Kashtar.

1009
00:41:10,748 --> 00:41:11,813
At 5:45,
we're meeting with the head

1010
00:41:11,815 --> 00:41:12,882
of Sweden's
Diplomatic Protocol,

1011
00:41:12,884 --> 00:41:15,818
Ingrid Minervudottir,
to discuss tonight's schedule.

1012
00:41:15,820 --> 00:41:17,119
Okay. And then after that?

1013
00:41:17,121 --> 00:41:18,422
Also, Parker Wembley
keeps trying to get

1014
00:41:18,423 --> 00:41:19,922
- some face time with you.
- Oh, God.

1015
00:41:19,925 --> 00:41:22,157
Parker can wait.
Okay, Fred. Go.

1016
00:41:22,159 --> 00:41:23,461
Yeah, sure. Um...

1017
00:41:24,128 --> 00:41:26,262
So, uh, you know,

1018
00:41:26,264 --> 00:41:28,097
based on what we were
talking about last night,

1019
00:41:28,099 --> 00:41:30,967
I just took a stab at
the whole speech, basically.

1020
00:41:30,969 --> 00:41:32,902
That's good.

1021
00:41:32,903 --> 00:41:35,472
- Thank you.
- This part isn't.

1022
00:41:35,474 --> 00:41:38,041
Okay, well, you said you
didn't want to sound too angry.

1023
00:41:38,043 --> 00:41:40,476
I also don't want to sound
like I have a head injury.

1024
00:41:40,478 --> 00:41:42,177
Okay. Uh,
I'll go change it.

1025
00:41:42,179 --> 00:41:43,547
Great. Thanks.

1026
00:41:43,548 --> 00:41:45,782
Okay, here we go.

1027
00:41:45,784 --> 00:41:47,182
So...

1028
00:41:47,184 --> 00:41:48,786
All right.

1029
00:41:49,853 --> 00:41:50,954
Fred.

1030
00:41:50,956 --> 00:41:52,389
Yeah?

1031
00:41:52,391 --> 00:41:54,925
Do you have any grown-up
clothes to wear tonight?

1032
00:41:59,030 --> 00:42:00,028
I was gonna...
I was thinking

1033
00:42:00,030 --> 00:42:02,298
of zipping this up
all the way, like to here.

1034
00:42:02,300 --> 00:42:03,233
That's kind of
a little more...

1035
00:42:03,235 --> 00:42:04,867
It's, like,
slightly more buttoned up.

1036
00:42:04,869 --> 00:42:05,902
You know what,
Madam Secretary,

1037
00:42:05,903 --> 00:42:09,938
I would be delighted
to dress Fred for tonight.

1038
00:42:09,940 --> 00:42:11,208
Thank you, Maggie.
I'd be thrilled

1039
00:42:11,210 --> 00:42:13,443
to have you dress me
for tonight's event.

1040
00:42:13,445 --> 00:42:14,545
What a fun adventure.

1041
00:42:14,547 --> 00:42:16,878
Get a little makeover.
All right, have a good one.

1042
00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:18,081
Thank you, Fred.

1043
00:42:18,083 --> 00:42:18,981
Why, thank you.

1044
00:42:18,983 --> 00:42:20,284
and then
it's saying hello,

1045
00:42:20,286 --> 00:42:21,418
you'll sit down,
we'll have dinner,

1046
00:42:21,420 --> 00:42:22,818
- I'll pull you up...
- Where's Flarsky?

1047
00:42:22,820 --> 00:42:23,920
Why are we waiting?

1048
00:42:23,922 --> 00:42:25,521
What, is he doing his hair?

1049
00:42:25,523 --> 00:42:27,126
Um...

1050
00:42:27,525 --> 00:42:29,293
Oh.

1051
00:42:29,295 --> 00:42:31,929
What the...

1052
00:42:36,101 --> 00:42:37,400
What the fuck
are you wearing?

1053
00:42:37,402 --> 00:42:39,436
She bought me
this shit. Okay?

1054
00:42:39,438 --> 00:42:41,237
It's a traditional
Swedish suit.

1055
00:42:41,239 --> 00:42:44,041
I don't see another
fucking Swede up in here

1056
00:42:44,043 --> 00:42:45,342
dressed like this.

1057
00:42:45,344 --> 00:42:47,543
It's all I could do
on such short notice.

1058
00:42:47,545 --> 00:42:50,213
You just take the jacket off,
it's going to make it better.

1059
00:42:50,215 --> 00:42:53,784
It's just... Make it look...
Oh, my God.

1060
00:42:56,389 --> 00:42:58,222
Better with
the jacket on? Great.

1061
00:42:58,224 --> 00:43:00,224
Razzing the new guy, I get it.
Fuck you, Maggie.

1062
00:43:00,226 --> 00:43:01,358
Calm the Smurf down.

1063
00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:02,427
Bring a fucking suit
next time.

1064
00:43:08,434 --> 00:43:09,500
Do you like the speech?

1065
00:43:09,501 --> 00:43:10,668
Yes, the speech is good.

1066
00:43:10,670 --> 00:43:13,170
Oh, you're going to have to
stay way back there, Fred.

1067
00:43:13,172 --> 00:43:14,938
Just stay back, Flarsky.
Okay? She's got to focus.

1068
00:43:14,940 --> 00:43:16,005
On what?

1069
00:43:16,007 --> 00:43:17,206
Getting India and China
to agree

1070
00:43:17,208 --> 00:43:18,275
to be a part
of this initiative.

1071
00:43:18,277 --> 00:43:20,610
They haven't even agreed
to be a part of it yet?

1072
00:43:20,612 --> 00:43:23,047
They will, we just have to
sort out a few details.

1073
00:43:23,048 --> 00:43:24,148
We just wrote
a whole speech

1074
00:43:24,150 --> 00:43:25,315
about how
they're on-board already.

1075
00:43:25,318 --> 00:43:26,518
Don't worry, Fred.

1076
00:43:27,519 --> 00:43:29,286
You just stay here
and make sure

1077
00:43:29,288 --> 00:43:32,489
nobody from <i>Candy Land</i>
needs their car parked, okay?

1078
00:43:32,490 --> 00:43:33,891
I don't know
why you needed a writer.

1079
00:43:33,893 --> 00:43:35,059
Those are sick burns.

1080
00:43:36,461 --> 00:43:38,961
Secretary of State
Charlotte Field

1081
00:43:38,963 --> 00:43:41,000
of the United States
of America.

1082
00:43:43,369 --> 00:43:45,235
Your Majesty.
Your Highness.

1083
00:43:45,237 --> 00:43:46,572
- Your Highness.
- Pleasure.

1084
00:43:52,545 --> 00:43:54,012
Oh.

1085
00:43:56,248 --> 00:43:58,615
No, thank you.
I'm working right now.

1086
00:43:58,617 --> 00:44:00,251
And you know you are, too.

1087
00:44:01,655 --> 00:44:02,786
I do know that.

1088
00:44:02,789 --> 00:44:05,188
But you dressed me like
Cap'n Crunch's Grindr date,

1089
00:44:05,190 --> 00:44:07,492
so I'm going to drink
to make you uncomfortable.

1090
00:44:07,494 --> 00:44:10,195
Honestly, Fred, your entire
life makes me uncomfortable.

1091
00:44:13,099 --> 00:44:14,532
Oh no, fuck me.

1092
00:44:17,036 --> 00:44:18,670
Yes.

1093
00:44:18,672 --> 00:44:22,271
We both shop in the same
mystical village, I see.

1094
00:44:22,273 --> 00:44:24,675
Yes, you look great.

1095
00:44:24,677 --> 00:44:26,043
- Congratulations.
- <i>Skal.</i>

1096
00:44:26,045 --> 00:44:27,612
<i>Skal. Skal</i> to you, too.

1097
00:44:27,614 --> 00:44:30,516
Yes.

1098
00:44:32,619 --> 00:44:33,619
Jesus.

1099
00:44:36,222 --> 00:44:39,222
Hey, we're making
a few revisions to the speech.

1100
00:44:39,224 --> 00:44:40,224
What?

1101
00:44:40,226 --> 00:44:42,393
So we're losing the "Seas" part,
so go cut that,

1102
00:44:42,396 --> 00:44:44,362
and then brainstorm
a couple of other funny lines

1103
00:44:44,364 --> 00:44:45,463
for the "Trees" section, okay?

1104
00:44:45,465 --> 00:44:46,697
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

1105
00:44:46,699 --> 00:44:49,367
Losing the Seas part, why?

1106
00:44:49,369 --> 00:44:50,768
Because India wouldn't go
for it. So we had to pivot.

1107
00:44:50,771 --> 00:44:53,538
That's not a pivot,
that's a third of the whole fucking shit.

1108
00:44:53,539 --> 00:44:56,005
Are you kidding me?
That's it, it's just gone?

1109
00:44:56,007 --> 00:44:57,106
Yeah, it's gone.

1110
00:44:57,108 --> 00:44:58,074
And there's nothing
we can do?

1111
00:44:58,077 --> 00:44:59,175
No. And you don't
have to worry about it.

1112
00:44:59,177 --> 00:45:03,213
Just go over to the computer.
Start typey-typing.

1113
00:45:03,215 --> 00:45:04,217
Well, no.

1114
00:45:05,217 --> 00:45:06,717
I'm not gonna do that.

1115
00:45:06,719 --> 00:45:08,619
So you quit,
resignation accepted.

1116
00:45:08,621 --> 00:45:10,188
I will rewrite the speech.

1117
00:45:10,190 --> 00:45:11,289
Oh, the fuck you will!

1118
00:45:11,291 --> 00:45:12,391
What the fuck?

1119
00:45:22,202 --> 00:45:23,637
- You don't...
- Let go!

1120
00:45:31,710 --> 00:45:32,811
Look out. Excuse me!

1121
00:45:32,813 --> 00:45:34,512
Stop running!
Stop running! Stop running!

1122
00:45:34,514 --> 00:45:35,612
Fred, stop running!

1123
00:45:38,284 --> 00:45:39,286
Fred...

1124
00:45:44,356 --> 00:45:45,422
Why did you do that?

1125
00:45:45,425 --> 00:45:47,358
Because I will not
have you damage

1126
00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:48,693
the integrity of my writing!

1127
00:45:48,695 --> 00:45:50,695
The integrity of your writing?

1128
00:45:50,697 --> 00:45:53,231
You're a punch-up writer,
you're not Maya Angelou!

1129
00:45:53,233 --> 00:45:54,731
What is going on?

1130
00:45:54,733 --> 00:45:56,434
What's going on
with you, bruh?

1131
00:45:56,436 --> 00:45:57,469
Did you just
call me "bruh"?

1132
00:45:57,471 --> 00:46:00,237
- She's the secretary of state.
- Is he high?

1133
00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:02,440
He is wasted,
but he's also just stupid.

1134
00:46:02,442 --> 00:46:04,110
Meet me in the conference
room, I'll handle this.

1135
00:46:06,813 --> 00:46:08,346
What's the deal, Fred?

1136
00:46:08,347 --> 00:46:11,148
What's the deal?
What's the deal? What are...

1137
00:46:11,150 --> 00:46:13,117
The only reason I'm here
is 'cause you told me

1138
00:46:13,119 --> 00:46:14,418
you cared about this shit,

1139
00:46:14,420 --> 00:46:16,688
and in the time I come
out here to have a smoke,

1140
00:46:16,690 --> 00:46:19,523
you fucking got rid of a massive
element of the whole thing.

1141
00:46:19,525 --> 00:46:22,827
I got two out of three.
I only lost one.

1142
00:46:22,829 --> 00:46:26,063
That one was the seas.

1143
00:46:26,065 --> 00:46:28,500
It covers 75% of the planet!

1144
00:46:28,501 --> 00:46:30,434
- It's a pretty big one!
- Bring down your voice.

1145
00:46:30,436 --> 00:46:31,536
You know why I'm upset?

1146
00:46:31,538 --> 00:46:33,637
This is exactly what I thought
was going to happen.

1147
00:46:33,639 --> 00:46:35,773
And I even said it.
I said it in your office.

1148
00:46:35,775 --> 00:46:38,543
I don't want to write
for some bullshit politician.

1149
00:46:38,545 --> 00:46:39,811
I wanted to write for you.

1150
00:46:39,813 --> 00:46:41,545
Because I thought you cared
about this shit.

1151
00:46:41,547 --> 00:46:44,349
Until you're running the game,
you have to play the game.

1152
00:46:44,351 --> 00:46:46,284
Well, then, by the time
you win the game,

1153
00:46:46,286 --> 00:46:49,420
you don't know who's scoring
touchdowns on whose nets,

1154
00:46:49,422 --> 00:46:51,289
and you don't know
who's hitting home runs

1155
00:46:51,291 --> 00:46:52,757
in whose fucking end zones!

1156
00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:54,324
- What are you talking about?
- I don't know sports.

1157
00:46:54,327 --> 00:46:55,559
Let me try it with food.

1158
00:46:55,561 --> 00:46:57,829
You wanna open a restaurant.
But all you got is chopsticks.

1159
00:46:57,831 --> 00:47:00,532
No! I don't have time
for this, okay?

1160
00:47:00,534 --> 00:47:03,233
If you want to quit,
then just fucking quit.

1161
00:47:03,235 --> 00:47:05,103
- I don't give a shit.
- Yeah, you don't give a shit.

1162
00:47:05,105 --> 00:47:06,137
- No, I don't.
- You used to fucking give a shit,

1163
00:47:06,139 --> 00:47:08,373
but now you don't
give a shit about anything.

1164
00:47:08,375 --> 00:47:10,108
You cared more about
recycling in high school

1165
00:47:10,110 --> 00:47:12,211
than you do this shit and it's
very disappointing to me.

1166
00:47:13,413 --> 00:47:15,713
Fuck this.
I've got a speech to give.

1167
00:47:15,715 --> 00:47:16,882
Oh, yeah, good luck
giving it,

1168
00:47:16,884 --> 00:47:18,215
it's on my computer
in the snow.

1169
00:47:18,217 --> 00:47:19,717
I have copies, you idiot.

1170
00:47:19,719 --> 00:47:22,088
You just threw your computer
in the snow, that's it.

1171
00:47:23,188 --> 00:47:25,458
Oh, no! Shit!

1172
00:47:26,626 --> 00:47:28,693
Oh, God damn it!

1173
00:47:28,695 --> 00:47:31,429
It's soaked!
I need a bowl of rice!

1174
00:47:31,431 --> 00:47:33,166
I need a big bowl of rice!

1175
00:47:34,501 --> 00:47:37,735
God damn it! Why didn't I
back this thing up?

1176
00:47:37,737 --> 00:47:39,306
All my shit's on here.

1177
00:47:49,650 --> 00:47:51,150
Fred. Look.

1178
00:47:54,855 --> 00:47:56,056
Wow.

1179
00:47:59,927 --> 00:48:02,094
I've never seen
anything like that.

1180
00:48:04,465 --> 00:48:05,465
No, I...

1181
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:08,436
I've seen pictures of it,
but I never...

1182
00:48:09,637 --> 00:48:10,637
actually...

1183
00:48:12,572 --> 00:48:14,675
I never saw it.

1184
00:48:15,643 --> 00:48:17,277
Are you crying right now?

1185
00:48:18,210 --> 00:48:19,211
It's pretty.

1186
00:48:23,717 --> 00:48:24,719
Yeah.

1187
00:48:27,288 --> 00:48:28,289
Fred?

1188
00:48:28,722 --> 00:48:29,724
Yeah?

1189
00:48:31,224 --> 00:48:33,458
If you ever pull
some shit like that again,

1190
00:48:33,460 --> 00:48:34,795
I'll have you thrown in Gitmo.

1191
00:48:37,297 --> 00:48:39,166
Yes, Madam Secretary.
I'm sorry.

1192
00:48:40,900 --> 00:48:43,403
You better hope this fucking
speech goes over well.

1193
00:48:46,206 --> 00:48:50,409
I've often gravitated
toward the underdog.

1194
00:48:50,411 --> 00:48:54,847
The band of misfits who fight
back against the bullies.

1195
00:48:54,849 --> 00:48:57,717
In high school, I would talk
about the underdog a lot.

1196
00:48:59,452 --> 00:49:02,253
And I would often find myself
on a soapbox,

1197
00:49:02,255 --> 00:49:05,659
rambling on and on about
the injustices of the world.

1198
00:49:08,728 --> 00:49:11,295
Which makes you
extremely popular,

1199
00:49:11,297 --> 00:49:13,798
especially when everybody
would rather be watching

1200
00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:15,867
<i>Beverly Hills, 90210.</i>

1201
00:49:19,907 --> 00:49:22,574
But that is why I am happy
to announce

1202
00:49:22,576 --> 00:49:25,844
an initiative that would make
my 16-year-old self proud.

1203
00:49:25,846 --> 00:49:28,347
<i>In what is now being dubbed
"The Underdog Speech,"</i>

1204
00:49:28,349 --> 00:49:30,615
<i>the secretary of state
opened up about her childhood</i>

1205
00:49:30,617 --> 00:49:31,918
<i>and passion
for the environment</i>

1206
00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:34,519
<i>by announcing
a bold new initiative...</i>

1207
00:49:34,521 --> 00:49:37,623
<i>turns out she has always
been an Andrea Zuckerman</i>

1208
00:49:37,625 --> 00:49:39,793
<i>in the body of a Kelly Taylor.</i>

1209
00:49:41,661 --> 00:49:43,463
- Hey.
- Hi.

1210
00:49:44,632 --> 00:49:46,331
Oh, wow, you shaved your neck.

1211
00:49:46,333 --> 00:49:47,599
I did. I cleaned it up.

1212
00:49:47,601 --> 00:49:49,802
Got my whole back.
Went all the way down.

1213
00:49:49,804 --> 00:49:50,969
Looks good.

1214
00:49:50,972 --> 00:49:52,806
Trying to make a good
impression, I guess, anyway...

1215
00:49:52,807 --> 00:49:54,873
I, uh...

1216
00:49:54,876 --> 00:49:58,376
I just wanted to apologize
to you, again,

1217
00:49:58,378 --> 00:50:01,713
for acting a little crazy,
you know.

1218
00:50:01,715 --> 00:50:03,382
I'm gonna...

1219
00:50:03,384 --> 00:50:04,615
I'm going to really try
to tone it down

1220
00:50:04,617 --> 00:50:08,289
and not, you know, make you
risk global, uh, humiliation.

1221
00:50:08,655 --> 00:50:09,757
Good. Great.

1222
00:50:10,391 --> 00:50:11,523
Also.

1223
00:50:11,525 --> 00:50:13,059
I googled speech writing

1224
00:50:13,061 --> 00:50:14,860
and it was
actually very informative.

1225
00:50:14,862 --> 00:50:15,829
What I learned

1226
00:50:15,831 --> 00:50:17,130
was that in order to write
better for you,

1227
00:50:17,132 --> 00:50:20,565
I should kinda get to know you
better and get in your head,

1228
00:50:20,568 --> 00:50:21,701
and everything
I already know about you,

1229
00:50:21,702 --> 00:50:22,902
I kinda used
on the first speech.

1230
00:50:22,903 --> 00:50:24,369
So, what I did

1231
00:50:24,371 --> 00:50:25,771
was I wrote a ton of questions

1232
00:50:25,773 --> 00:50:27,539
that will maybe help me
capture your voice,

1233
00:50:27,541 --> 00:50:28,842
if you have a minute.

1234
00:50:28,844 --> 00:50:30,710
I actually have seven.

1235
00:50:30,711 --> 00:50:32,878
Seven. Okay, great.
Yeah. I'll take it.

1236
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:34,378
- All right.
- Seven minutes in heaven.

1237
00:50:34,380 --> 00:50:35,715
Um...

1238
00:50:35,717 --> 00:50:37,684
- Okay.
- So. Ah... I guess...

1239
00:50:37,686 --> 00:50:38,851
Just like...
What are you into?

1240
00:50:38,853 --> 00:50:40,052
What kind of shit you into?

1241
00:50:40,054 --> 00:50:41,920
Well, this is
pretty much it.

1242
00:50:41,922 --> 00:50:43,722
I mean,
secretary of state stuff.

1243
00:50:43,724 --> 00:50:46,025
Do you have any hobbies?
Anything? Do you watch TV?

1244
00:50:46,027 --> 00:50:47,659
Do you watch <i>Game of Thrones</i>
or anything like that?

1245
00:50:47,661 --> 00:50:49,360
Oh, I'm fully aware
of what happened

1246
00:50:49,362 --> 00:50:50,864
in every season
of <i>Game of Thrones.</i>

1247
00:50:50,865 --> 00:50:52,699
Because you watch it?

1248
00:50:52,701 --> 00:50:54,833
Because I read synopses
on every episode.

1249
00:50:54,835 --> 00:50:56,503
That can't actually work.

1250
00:50:56,505 --> 00:50:58,402
I couldn't believe
when Khaleesi's dragon

1251
00:50:58,405 --> 00:50:59,775
came back as a White Walker.

1252
00:51:00,442 --> 00:51:01,740
Whoa!

1253
00:51:01,742 --> 00:51:02,842
- See?
- What about movies?

1254
00:51:02,844 --> 00:51:04,110
Do you watch movies?

1255
00:51:04,112 --> 00:51:06,378
Synopses of all
the award contenders.

1256
00:51:06,380 --> 00:51:07,713
You used to love movies!

1257
00:51:07,715 --> 00:51:09,815
You made me watch
<i>Encino Man</i> 30 times.

1258
00:51:09,818 --> 00:51:12,452
"Wheeze a little juice!"

1259
00:51:12,454 --> 00:51:14,521
You still do the
worst Pauly Shore impression

1260
00:51:14,523 --> 00:51:16,356
in the history of mankind.

1261
00:51:16,358 --> 00:51:18,791
I can't believe you're
still doing "The Weasel"

1262
00:51:18,793 --> 00:51:20,425
and you haven't seen
any of the Marvel Universe.

1263
00:51:20,427 --> 00:51:23,364
Those movies are sick.
You're like frozen in time.

1264
00:51:23,965 --> 00:51:25,632
I am Encino Man.

1265
00:51:26,635 --> 00:51:29,469
All right, what is your
favorite book as a kid?

1266
00:51:29,471 --> 00:51:31,503
<i>The Velveteen Rabbit.</i> You?

1267
00:51:31,505 --> 00:51:32,838
<i>Fear and Loathing
in Las Vegas.</i>

1268
00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:35,007
- Oh, that explains a lot.
- Yeah.

1269
00:51:36,911 --> 00:51:39,411
I'm so sorry
for what we've done to you.

1270
00:51:39,414 --> 00:51:40,980
Best drug experience?

1271
00:51:40,981 --> 00:51:42,916
I could get summoned
at any moment

1272
00:51:42,918 --> 00:51:44,416
to deal with
an international crisis,

1273
00:51:44,418 --> 00:51:45,751
I can't do that on acid.

1274
00:51:45,753 --> 00:51:47,019
What about Molly?

1275
00:51:47,021 --> 00:51:48,153
Who's Molly?

1276
00:51:49,757 --> 00:51:51,456
<i>Secretary of State
Charlotte Field</i>

1277
00:51:51,458 --> 00:51:54,561
<i>continues on her impressive
20-country world tour</i>

1278
00:51:54,563 --> 00:51:55,961
<i>to garner more support</i>

1279
00:51:55,963 --> 00:51:57,697
<i>for her ambitious
environmental initiative.</i>

1280
00:51:57,699 --> 00:51:59,532
<i>And all in a private jet,
no less.</i>

1281
00:51:59,534 --> 00:52:01,034
<i>You know what would
save the environment?</i>

1282
00:52:01,036 --> 00:52:02,835
<i>Charlotte Field
grounding her ass.</i>

1283
00:52:02,838 --> 00:52:04,436
<i>I know where I'd like
to ground her ass.</i>

1284
00:52:04,438 --> 00:52:06,773
<i>Oh, I walked
right into that one.</i>

1285
00:52:06,775 --> 00:52:08,974
<i>Must Have Been Love</i>
by Roxette.

1286
00:52:08,976 --> 00:52:11,510
- Oh! That's just fucking hot.
- Right?

1287
00:52:11,512 --> 00:52:12,978
- I got a new one.
- What?

1288
00:52:12,981 --> 00:52:14,414
I got to change
my favorite song.

1289
00:52:14,416 --> 00:52:16,048
- You have too many.
- I've done it a few times.

1290
00:52:16,050 --> 00:52:19,085
<i>Broccoli</i> by DRAM:
featuring Lil Yachty.

1291
00:52:19,088 --> 00:52:20,652
All those words

1292
00:52:20,655 --> 00:52:22,554
- are the name of a song?
- Yeah.

1293
00:52:22,556 --> 00:52:23,556
I don't
really think I have one.

1294
00:52:23,557 --> 00:52:25,824
You gotta have one.
Everyone has one.

1295
00:52:25,827 --> 00:52:27,793
Well, I don't embarrass
that easily.

1296
00:52:27,795 --> 00:52:29,695
Yeah, I hear that.
I don't either, really.

1297
00:52:29,697 --> 00:52:31,797
- Yes, you do.
- No, I don't!

1298
00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:34,733
Oh, my God. Okay.

1299
00:52:34,735 --> 00:52:36,972
What's your favorite
sexual position?

1300
00:52:38,639 --> 00:52:40,806
I mean, you know, front.

1301
00:52:40,809 --> 00:52:42,507
- Normal. Front facing normal.
- Oh, my God.

1302
00:52:42,510 --> 00:52:44,077
- What kinda question is that?
- That's all it took.

1303
00:52:44,079 --> 00:52:45,045
Look at you.

1304
00:52:45,047 --> 00:52:47,146
Well, what's your favorite
sexual position?

1305
00:52:47,148 --> 00:52:49,182
- Don't be gross, Fred. Hi.
- Yeah, see?

1306
00:52:49,184 --> 00:52:51,385
What's your favorite
sexual position?

1307
00:52:52,088 --> 00:52:53,889
It's too complicated
to explain.

1308
00:52:55,056 --> 00:52:56,824
- Really?
- I told you mine.

1309
00:52:57,525 --> 00:52:59,525
Oh, God, okay.

1310
00:52:59,527 --> 00:53:01,996
I just got back
from a trip to New Delhi.

1311
00:53:01,998 --> 00:53:03,963
- Yeah?
- I got called into a meeting

1312
00:53:03,965 --> 00:53:06,565
with the Joint Chiefs,
and I was a little nervous.

1313
00:53:06,568 --> 00:53:08,701
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

1314
00:53:08,702 --> 00:53:12,739
And my stomach was a little
weird from all the curry.

1315
00:53:12,740 --> 00:53:13,809
Oh, no.

1316
00:53:14,509 --> 00:53:15,476
Delhi belly.

1317
00:53:17,746 --> 00:53:21,713
Well, we were in a motorcade
and we couldn't stop.

1318
00:53:21,715 --> 00:53:23,052
- Oh, no.
- Mmm-hmm.

1319
00:53:23,853 --> 00:53:25,119
God...

1320
00:53:25,121 --> 00:53:29,123
I ruined a really nice
Dolce & Gabbana bag.

1321
00:53:29,125 --> 00:53:31,556
- You puked in it?
- Nope.

1322
00:53:31,559 --> 00:53:34,762
Oh, no!
In a moving vehicle?

1323
00:53:37,599 --> 00:53:39,833
Do you actually understand
what's happening right now?

1324
00:53:39,835 --> 00:53:42,235
Yes, I speak Russian.

1325
00:53:42,237 --> 00:53:44,704
The Russian
Samuel L. Jackson guy is dope.

1326
00:53:44,706 --> 00:53:47,076
<i>Do svidanya,</i>
motherfuckers!

1327
00:53:51,579 --> 00:53:53,914
Oh, my God, they just
shot the pirate guy!

1328
00:53:53,916 --> 00:53:55,148
But he's keeping
the team together.

1329
00:53:55,150 --> 00:53:56,215
I know.

1330
00:53:56,217 --> 00:53:57,617
I don't think
I can handle that.

1331
00:53:57,619 --> 00:53:58,686
- Oh, it's okay.
- No,

1332
00:53:58,688 --> 00:54:00,820
I really liked him
in the movie.

1333
00:54:00,822 --> 00:54:02,088
Don't worry,
just keep watching.

1334
00:54:02,090 --> 00:54:04,824
You know,
the Philippines gets a bad rap.

1335
00:54:04,827 --> 00:54:06,659
Because it's pretty nice here.

1336
00:54:06,661 --> 00:54:09,063
You'd never know civil war
was about to break out.

1337
00:54:09,065 --> 00:54:10,530
This is good.

1338
00:54:10,532 --> 00:54:11,699
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

1339
00:54:11,701 --> 00:54:16,737
Hey. What if we use
this line to start with?

1340
00:54:16,739 --> 00:54:18,005
Yeah, "I'm going to
start this speech

1341
00:54:18,007 --> 00:54:19,606
"by saying the same thing
I said to my boss

1342
00:54:19,608 --> 00:54:22,076
"at Blockbuster Video
when I was 16.

1343
00:54:22,077 --> 00:54:23,277
"I quit."

1344
00:54:23,278 --> 00:54:25,713
- That's not bad.
- I love that.

1345
00:54:25,715 --> 00:54:27,681
This is really fucking good.

1346
00:54:27,682 --> 00:54:29,849
Look at you, you get me, Fred.

1347
00:54:29,851 --> 00:54:32,052
I totally get you.

1348
00:54:32,054 --> 00:54:33,887
<i>♪ All I want for my birthday</i>

1349
00:54:33,889 --> 00:54:35,722
<i>♪ Is a big booty ho</i>

1350
00:54:35,724 --> 00:54:37,190
<i>♪ All I want
for my birthday... ♪</i>

1351
00:54:37,193 --> 00:54:38,925
I couldn't be happier
that out of all the shit

1352
00:54:38,927 --> 00:54:40,728
I played you
from the last decade,

1353
00:54:40,730 --> 00:54:42,295
that what you've liked
the most is 2 Chainz.

1354
00:54:42,297 --> 00:54:44,697
- It's catchy.
- It's awesome.

1355
00:54:49,306 --> 00:54:52,173
So, are you, like, dating
the prime minister of Canada?

1356
00:54:54,677 --> 00:54:56,210
- No. No.
- No.

1357
00:54:56,211 --> 00:54:58,012
I feel like I read...
Did I read that

1358
00:54:58,014 --> 00:54:59,980
in some shitty tabloid
that you guys were dating?

1359
00:54:59,981 --> 00:55:02,815
- Maybe it's not true.
- No, I'm sure you did. It's...

1360
00:55:02,818 --> 00:55:05,652
They like to write about it,
but no. I...

1361
00:55:05,653 --> 00:55:08,655
We're not, we... We flirt.

1362
00:55:08,657 --> 00:55:10,056
- Yeah. Okay.
- Kind of.

1363
00:55:10,059 --> 00:55:12,762
It's weird.
We made out once.

1364
00:55:13,628 --> 00:55:14,697
Dope.

1365
00:55:15,030 --> 00:55:16,231
You asked.

1366
00:55:16,233 --> 00:55:18,298
No, hey! I've hooked up with

1367
00:55:18,300 --> 00:55:20,733
my fair share
of world leaders, too.

1368
00:55:20,735 --> 00:55:22,804
I 69'd Fidel Castro once.

1369
00:55:23,739 --> 00:55:25,007
You thought
his beard was big.

1370
00:55:25,740 --> 00:55:26,806
Um...

1371
00:55:26,809 --> 00:55:29,842
But how does that work
with you? Do you, like...

1372
00:55:29,844 --> 00:55:31,778
Do you, like, date?

1373
00:55:31,780 --> 00:55:35,583
Uh... Yeah. I date.

1374
00:55:36,286 --> 00:55:38,219
Generally, you know,

1375
00:55:38,221 --> 00:55:40,753
with people who have
similar lifestyles to me.

1376
00:55:40,755 --> 00:55:42,259
People who travel a lot.

1377
00:55:44,193 --> 00:55:47,862
It's hard to keep
those things alive. I...

1378
00:55:49,199 --> 00:55:51,632
I mean, who wants to
follow me around the world

1379
00:55:51,634 --> 00:55:53,969
and hope I have five minutes
to be affectionate?

1380
00:55:54,869 --> 00:55:56,237
- Yeah.
- And honestly,

1381
00:55:56,239 --> 00:55:58,005
guys don't really
want to date women

1382
00:55:58,007 --> 00:55:59,306
who are more powerful
than them.

1383
00:55:59,309 --> 00:56:00,909
They think they do, but...

1384
00:56:02,179 --> 00:56:04,012
It's a dick shriveller.

1385
00:56:04,014 --> 00:56:06,114
- Uff.
- Mmm-hmm.

1386
00:56:06,115 --> 00:56:08,349
Dick Shriveller is my favorite
Batman villain though.

1387
00:56:08,351 --> 00:56:10,052
So...

1388
00:56:11,753 --> 00:56:13,686
You gonna ask
why I'm still single?

1389
00:56:13,688 --> 00:56:16,190
No, I get it.

1390
00:56:16,193 --> 00:56:18,295
- It makes sense.
- Yeah. It adds up.

1391
00:56:28,038 --> 00:56:29,170
We're right in front
of the window.

1392
00:56:31,173 --> 00:56:32,773
What the fuck is happening?

1393
00:56:32,775 --> 00:56:34,409
Insurgents are fighting
the army.

1394
00:56:34,411 --> 00:56:36,311
- Are we in danger?
- Yes! Yes!

1395
00:56:36,313 --> 00:56:37,978
Madam Secretary,
we need to leave now!

1396
00:56:37,981 --> 00:56:39,313
Fuck!

1397
00:56:39,315 --> 00:56:40,682
This way!

1398
00:56:42,052 --> 00:56:44,052
All right, guys, come with me.

1399
00:56:44,054 --> 00:56:45,653
Come on.

1400
00:57:10,012 --> 00:57:11,146
Secretary Field, this way!

1401
00:57:11,148 --> 00:57:13,115
I got her, secure them!

1402
00:57:14,117 --> 00:57:15,184
This way.

1403
00:57:18,722 --> 00:57:19,889
You'll be safe in here.

1404
00:57:21,190 --> 00:57:23,224
Oh, fuck! Are you okay?

1405
00:57:23,226 --> 00:57:24,224
Yeah, I'm okay. Are you okay?

1406
00:57:24,226 --> 00:57:26,226
I'm okay. Yeah.
We're okay. Okay.

1407
00:57:26,228 --> 00:57:30,231
- Okay.
- Okay. Okay. Holy shit!

1408
00:57:30,233 --> 00:57:33,467
Oh,
we could have just died.

1409
00:57:33,469 --> 00:57:36,271
Oh, my God, I'm freaking out
a bit right now.

1410
00:57:36,273 --> 00:57:37,338
I'm having a hard time

1411
00:57:37,340 --> 00:57:38,474
catching my breath
a little bit.

1412
00:57:38,476 --> 00:57:39,541
You don't seem like you're
freaking out very much.

1413
00:57:39,543 --> 00:57:42,876
I am! I'm employing
a Navy SEAL breathing technique,

1414
00:57:42,878 --> 00:57:44,144
for dealing with panicking.

1415
00:57:44,146 --> 00:57:46,380
It's just gonna take about
90 seconds to work.

1416
00:57:46,382 --> 00:57:49,349
90 seconds? I need more than
fucking 90 seconds!

1417
00:57:49,351 --> 00:57:51,085
I need 90 fucking years!

1418
00:57:51,086 --> 00:57:53,788
I'm fucked up for life
from this shit, yo!

1419
00:57:53,789 --> 00:57:56,525
I have so many regrets,
did so many terrible things!

1420
00:57:56,527 --> 00:57:59,960
When I was 12, I peed on a dog
to impress an older kid.

1421
00:57:59,963 --> 00:58:02,264
The dog didn't like it.
The older kid didn't either!

1422
00:58:03,132 --> 00:58:04,199
It was just pointless.

1423
00:58:04,201 --> 00:58:05,967
What the fuck?

1424
00:58:05,969 --> 00:58:08,038
Holy shit! Fuck!

1425
00:58:09,139 --> 00:58:11,340
Is there more? Is there
gonna be more?

1426
00:58:11,342 --> 00:58:12,541
- Fred.
- Is there more?

1427
00:58:12,543 --> 00:58:13,942
You're gonna
have to calm down.

1428
00:58:13,943 --> 00:58:15,175
I don't think I can.

1429
00:58:15,177 --> 00:58:16,978
Sit down with me.

1430
00:58:16,980 --> 00:58:18,112
And breathe.

1431
00:58:18,114 --> 00:58:20,481
Four seconds in.

1432
00:58:20,483 --> 00:58:21,550
Four seconds out.

1433
00:58:21,552 --> 00:58:23,385
Four seconds in.

1434
00:58:23,387 --> 00:58:25,052
One, two, three, four...

1435
00:58:25,054 --> 00:58:27,922
- Four seconds out.
- One, two...

1436
00:58:27,923 --> 00:58:30,791
- Four seconds in.
- One, two, three, four...

1437
00:58:30,793 --> 00:58:32,293
You don't have to count
while you're doing this.

1438
00:58:32,295 --> 00:58:33,429
four. It helps me.

1439
00:58:33,431 --> 00:58:37,130
- One, two, three, four...
- There you go.

1440
00:58:37,132 --> 00:58:39,467
One, two, three, four.

1441
00:58:39,469 --> 00:58:41,371
One, two, three, four.

1442
00:58:42,239 --> 00:58:44,039
One, two, three, four.

1443
00:58:45,242 --> 00:58:47,277
- You got it.
- That actually works.

1444
00:58:48,311 --> 00:58:49,846
Those guys are good.

1445
00:58:54,418 --> 00:58:56,117
We did almost just die,
though.

1446
00:58:56,119 --> 00:58:57,186
We actually did almost die.

1447
00:58:57,188 --> 00:58:58,853
- Yeah.
- Oh, thank God.

1448
00:58:58,855 --> 00:58:59,987
That actually
makes me feel better.

1449
00:58:59,989 --> 00:59:01,123
Means I didn't overreact.

1450
00:59:01,125 --> 00:59:03,860
Oh, God, no, you completely
overreacted.

1451
00:59:04,927 --> 00:59:06,097
Yeah, maybe.

1452
00:59:08,599 --> 00:59:10,400
I can think of worse ways
to go

1453
00:59:11,469 --> 00:59:13,137
than here with you.

1454
00:59:14,472 --> 00:59:16,371
Honestly, this has been like,

1455
00:59:16,373 --> 00:59:19,175
the best few weeks
of my entire life.

1456
00:59:22,545 --> 00:59:23,878
You don't have to say it
back to me.

1457
00:59:23,880 --> 00:59:25,146
I know it's not true for you.

1458
00:59:25,148 --> 00:59:27,181
I saw you sing with
Bruce Springsteen last year,

1459
00:59:27,184 --> 00:59:28,550
at that benefit concert.
That was probably

1460
00:59:28,552 --> 00:59:30,018
a way better week.

1461
00:59:30,021 --> 00:59:32,853
Just as an example.

1462
00:59:32,856 --> 00:59:35,291
Well, this is
a pretty close second.

1463
00:59:35,293 --> 00:59:37,393
Really? To The Boss?

1464
00:59:37,394 --> 00:59:38,460
Yeah.

1465
00:59:38,461 --> 00:59:40,797
Wow. That's nice.

1466
00:59:47,438 --> 00:59:48,806
Uh...

1467
00:59:54,478 --> 00:59:57,545
I feel like maybe you want me
to kiss you right now,

1468
00:59:57,547 --> 00:59:59,514
but I don't want to make
the same stupid mistake

1469
00:59:59,516 --> 01:00:00,949
I made 25 years ago.

1470
01:00:00,951 --> 01:00:02,820
Wouldn't be a stupid mistake.

1471
01:00:03,521 --> 01:00:05,121
Wait... Really?

1472
01:00:11,661 --> 01:00:13,262
We've secured the location.

1473
01:00:13,264 --> 01:00:16,132
But we need to move you.
The helicopter is standing by.

1474
01:00:17,233 --> 01:00:18,936
Thank you, Agent M.

1475
01:00:23,507 --> 01:00:24,907
Holy shit.

1476
01:00:24,909 --> 01:00:25,974
That helicopter was way louder

1477
01:00:25,976 --> 01:00:27,376
than I thought
it was gonna be.

1478
01:00:27,378 --> 01:00:29,347
- Fred, enough. Enough.
- I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

1479
01:00:30,213 --> 01:00:31,313
We're safe here though?

1480
01:00:31,315 --> 01:00:32,981
- Yes!
- Oh, my God, Fred!

1481
01:00:32,983 --> 01:00:34,048
This way.

1482
01:00:34,050 --> 01:00:35,286
This place
looks really nice.

1483
01:00:39,222 --> 01:00:40,690
Fred, I need you
to come work

1484
01:00:40,692 --> 01:00:42,523
on that speech with me,
right now.

1485
01:00:42,525 --> 01:00:44,596
- Right now?
- Yeah. Right now.

1486
01:00:45,463 --> 01:00:46,565
Okay.

1487
01:00:52,936 --> 01:00:54,103
Hang on, get my pants off.

1488
01:00:54,105 --> 01:00:55,438
Okay, I gotta, too. Shit.

1489
01:00:56,940 --> 01:00:58,340
- We're doing it?
- Yeah!

1490
01:00:58,342 --> 01:00:59,407
- Do it faster.
- Let's do it.

1491
01:00:59,409 --> 01:01:00,411
They're coming off!

1492
01:01:02,380 --> 01:01:04,382
Fucking tapered pants. Shit!

1493
01:01:05,717 --> 01:01:06,916
Fuck!

1494
01:01:08,420 --> 01:01:10,085
Okay, just leave
it! Just leave it! Leave it!

1495
01:01:10,086 --> 01:01:11,554
- Okay.
- Okay. Yeah.

1496
01:01:11,556 --> 01:01:12,621
Should I go in, then?

1497
01:01:12,623 --> 01:01:14,289
Yeah, enter.

1498
01:01:14,291 --> 01:01:17,559
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, no!

1499
01:01:17,561 --> 01:01:19,695
- I'm gonna come really soon.
- Me too.

1500
01:01:19,697 --> 01:01:21,163
- Really?
- Yeah!

1501
01:01:21,164 --> 01:01:22,231
- Oh, God!
- Oh!

1502
01:01:22,233 --> 01:01:23,632
Oh, boy!

1503
01:01:26,471 --> 01:01:29,405
- Oh, God! Okay.
- Oh, my God!

1504
01:01:29,407 --> 01:01:31,306
- I'm coming out.
- Okay, come on.

1505
01:01:31,309 --> 01:01:37,112
Oh, God. Oh! Oh! Oh, fuck!

1506
01:01:37,114 --> 01:01:40,351
Wow. Oh, my God,
I'm sorry.

1507
01:01:41,253 --> 01:01:42,452
I don't know
what happened.

1508
01:01:42,454 --> 01:01:44,653
I usually last
way longer than that.

1509
01:01:44,655 --> 01:01:46,056
- You know?
- Not me.

1510
01:01:47,090 --> 01:01:48,023
That was weird.

1511
01:01:48,025 --> 01:01:49,224
We both said, "Oh, boy"
when we came...

1512
01:01:49,226 --> 01:01:51,193
- Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
- ... at the same time.

1513
01:01:51,195 --> 01:01:52,728
- That's never happened before.
- I've never said that.

1514
01:01:52,731 --> 01:01:55,998
- Yeah.
- Super strange.

1515
01:01:56,000 --> 01:01:57,699
- Oh!
- Should we do that again?

1516
01:01:57,702 --> 01:01:59,369
Yeah, my hands are shaking,
I need a minute.

1517
01:02:04,074 --> 01:02:05,708
Hmm.

1518
01:02:05,710 --> 01:02:08,644
Who's this little guy?

1519
01:02:08,646 --> 01:02:10,547
I was a writing an article
about neo-Nazis

1520
01:02:10,548 --> 01:02:12,282
and I had to get a bottom half

1521
01:02:12,284 --> 01:02:13,715
of a swastika
tattooed on me...

1522
01:02:13,717 --> 01:02:15,552
- Oh, my God.
- ... so they wouldn't kill me

1523
01:02:15,554 --> 01:02:17,554
and I didn't want that,

1524
01:02:17,556 --> 01:02:20,690
so I added little shoes and
I made him a little stick man

1525
01:02:20,692 --> 01:02:24,159
and I named him
Adolf Stickler.

1526
01:02:24,161 --> 01:02:26,228
You'd never know
he had little swastika legs.

1527
01:02:26,231 --> 01:02:27,697
- No.
- He's so happy about it.

1528
01:02:27,699 --> 01:02:28,764
I know, they just
look like pants.

1529
01:02:28,766 --> 01:02:31,400
You'd never know he was born
in the fires of hatred.

1530
01:02:34,806 --> 01:02:36,608
Man, I am hungry.

1531
01:02:39,244 --> 01:02:40,742
What time is it?

1532
01:02:40,744 --> 01:02:43,414
I couldn't tell you
what fucking day it is.

1533
01:02:44,548 --> 01:02:47,516
And where...
Where are we right now?

1534
01:02:47,518 --> 01:02:48,818
I don't have a clue.

1535
01:02:48,820 --> 01:02:50,085
You don't know?

1536
01:02:50,088 --> 01:02:51,286
No. They just
dropped us here.

1537
01:02:51,289 --> 01:02:53,557
They just took us here
on the helicopter.

1538
01:03:15,646 --> 01:03:16,713
Good morning,
Mr. Flarsky.

1539
01:03:16,715 --> 01:03:18,083
Jesus!

1540
01:03:20,150 --> 01:03:21,485
You scared me, man.

1541
01:03:27,224 --> 01:03:29,827
Could you maybe not tell
anybody about this?

1542
01:03:29,829 --> 01:03:31,630
They wouldn't
believe me anyway.

1543
01:03:33,264 --> 01:03:34,331
Fair enough.

1544
01:03:35,400 --> 01:03:36,735
Good luck, man.

1545
01:03:38,704 --> 01:03:39,771
Thank you.

1546
01:03:48,780 --> 01:03:51,179
<i>These helicopters are scary.</i>

1547
01:03:51,181 --> 01:03:54,318
<i>It's gonna be fine, Fred.
Just breathe.</i>

1548
01:03:57,322 --> 01:03:59,789
<i>One, two, three, four.</i>

1549
01:03:59,791 --> 01:04:01,793
<i>One, two, three, four.</i>

1550
01:04:13,905 --> 01:04:15,806
I feel so happy right now!

1551
01:04:15,807 --> 01:04:17,541
Like,
I'm beginning to realize,

1552
01:04:17,543 --> 01:04:19,275
I may have never been happy.

1553
01:04:19,277 --> 01:04:21,778
This might be the first time
I ever felt happy.

1554
01:04:21,780 --> 01:04:23,246
And it feels good.

1555
01:04:23,248 --> 01:04:26,248
This is like, the best shit
that's ever happened.

1556
01:04:26,251 --> 01:04:28,184
There's like this crazy big
banquet thing tonight,

1557
01:04:28,186 --> 01:04:29,786
and she gave me
like a tuxedo to wear.

1558
01:04:29,789 --> 01:04:30,853
And it's not like a date,

1559
01:04:30,856 --> 01:04:32,456
but it kinda
feels like a date.

1560
01:04:32,458 --> 01:04:35,157
<i>How do I not fuck this up?
Seems impossible.</i>

1561
01:04:35,159 --> 01:04:37,393
Dude, you just need to give
yourself affirmation, man.

1562
01:04:37,396 --> 01:04:39,195
You need to...

1563
01:04:39,197 --> 01:04:41,266
You need to say that
you're worthy of love, man.

1564
01:04:42,233 --> 01:04:43,534
I am worthy of love.

1565
01:04:43,536 --> 01:04:45,201
<i>All right, now you gotta
say it 10,000</i>

1566
01:04:45,202 --> 01:04:46,704
more times,
until you believe it.

1567
01:04:46,706 --> 01:04:48,170
<i>Okay, look, I gotta go.</i>

1568
01:04:48,172 --> 01:04:50,507
<i>I have no fucking clue
how to tie a bow tie.</i>

1569
01:04:50,509 --> 01:04:52,175
All right, man. Hey!

1570
01:04:52,177 --> 01:04:53,177
<i>Be bold!</i>

1571
01:05:09,594 --> 01:05:10,927
Hi.

1572
01:05:10,929 --> 01:05:13,597
You look really pretty.

1573
01:05:13,599 --> 01:05:14,833
Thank you.

1574
01:05:15,735 --> 01:05:18,802
You look really pretty, too.

1575
01:05:18,804 --> 01:05:19,869
Thank you.

1576
01:05:19,871 --> 01:05:21,304
Thanks for the suit.

1577
01:05:21,306 --> 01:05:22,438
We should probably head in.

1578
01:05:22,440 --> 01:05:23,541
- Shall we?
- Yeah.

1579
01:05:26,978 --> 01:05:29,746
Wow. This is awesome.

1580
01:05:29,748 --> 01:05:31,414
It's cool being
in Argentina.

1581
01:05:31,416 --> 01:05:32,815
I think the guys
who killed my grandparents

1582
01:05:32,818 --> 01:05:34,619
are hiding here somewhere.

1583
01:05:35,353 --> 01:05:36,454
Shit, they got a band.

1584
01:05:38,456 --> 01:05:41,891
Do you wanna, uh, dance maybe?
Or grab a drink?

1585
01:05:41,893 --> 01:05:43,427
So there are representatives

1586
01:05:43,429 --> 01:05:45,295
from over 75 countries
here tonight.

1587
01:05:45,297 --> 01:05:46,829
She has three hours
to get out there,

1588
01:05:46,831 --> 01:05:47,864
- shake her money maker...
- Yeah.

1589
01:05:47,867 --> 01:05:49,599
and get as many
commitments as possible.

1590
01:05:49,601 --> 01:05:51,268
- This is a work event.
- Of course, yeah. I get it.

1591
01:05:51,269 --> 01:05:54,538
We could, uh, maybe at the end
of the night, have a drink.

1592
01:05:54,539 --> 01:05:56,673
Yeah, if you have time.
Cool.

1593
01:05:56,675 --> 01:05:58,742
- We'll see.
- Yeah.

1594
01:05:58,744 --> 01:06:00,545
All right. Okay.

1595
01:06:04,550 --> 01:06:05,885
I know what's going on.

1596
01:06:09,255 --> 01:06:11,688
- What do you mean?
- You know what I mean.

1597
01:06:11,690 --> 01:06:12,755
There's nothing going on.

1598
01:06:12,757 --> 01:06:14,925
Don't fucking bullshit me,
Fred.

1599
01:06:14,927 --> 01:06:17,628
'Cause my EQ is through
the goddamn roof.

1600
01:06:17,630 --> 01:06:20,697
And I understand and intuit
the nuances of social dynamics

1601
01:06:20,699 --> 01:06:21,664
like you wouldn't believe.

1602
01:06:21,666 --> 01:06:24,601
The two of you are having sex
with each other.

1603
01:06:24,603 --> 01:06:26,436
There's no way you could
discern something like that.

1604
01:06:26,438 --> 01:06:27,672
Charlotte told me.

1605
01:06:28,440 --> 01:06:29,373
Really?

1606
01:06:29,375 --> 01:06:31,442
No, but you just did,
you fucking idiot.

1607
01:06:31,443 --> 01:06:34,445
Fuck! Shit!
That was fucking very clever.

1608
01:06:34,447 --> 01:06:35,612
Jesus, well,
you know what, yes.

1609
01:06:35,614 --> 01:06:37,648
Okay. We're sexing
one another down.

1610
01:06:37,650 --> 01:06:38,548
- So?
- Ew.

1611
01:06:38,550 --> 01:06:39,918
Honestly, it's probably
weirder to me

1612
01:06:39,920 --> 01:06:41,052
- than it is to you.
- Look,

1613
01:06:41,054 --> 01:06:42,219
I can't believe
I have to say this,

1614
01:06:42,221 --> 01:06:45,458
but just so you know, there's
no way the two of you work.

1615
01:06:46,659 --> 01:06:48,391
Why would you say that?
You don't know that.

1616
01:06:48,393 --> 01:06:50,460
The public will never accept
the two of you together,

1617
01:06:50,463 --> 01:06:51,829
so neither will she.

1618
01:06:51,831 --> 01:06:53,429
Honestly, Fred,
it doesn't matter

1619
01:06:53,431 --> 01:06:54,398
if you get it or you don't,

1620
01:06:54,400 --> 01:06:56,067
'cause the truth is,
she is going to realize it

1621
01:06:56,068 --> 01:06:57,333
for the both of you,

1622
01:06:57,335 --> 01:06:59,436
then you'll have
your heart broken.

1623
01:06:59,438 --> 01:07:00,771
And that could be
kinda fun to watch.

1624
01:07:00,773 --> 01:07:02,474
Ambassador Plenipotentiary...

1625
01:07:19,626 --> 01:07:20,860
Madam Secretary!

1626
01:07:21,961 --> 01:07:23,494
Excuse me.

1627
01:07:23,496 --> 01:07:24,628
- Ah!
- Parker.

1628
01:07:24,630 --> 01:07:26,697
Nope. Nope. Uh...

1629
01:07:28,568 --> 01:07:31,936
You know, we still have not
found time to sit down.

1630
01:07:31,938 --> 01:07:33,103
You know,
it's not gonna happen.

1631
01:07:33,106 --> 01:07:34,739
I'm not gonna find time.

1632
01:07:34,740 --> 01:07:37,340
I will get my way on this.

1633
01:07:37,342 --> 01:07:38,675
I don't even know
what you mean by "this,"

1634
01:07:38,677 --> 01:07:41,112
but please have at it.
It's all yours.

1635
01:07:41,114 --> 01:07:42,547
- May I have a word?
- Can you excuse me?

1636
01:07:42,548 --> 01:07:43,782
We're in the middle
of a conversation here.

1637
01:07:43,784 --> 01:07:46,451
- Of course. Yes.
- Oh, my God. You are a...

1638
01:07:46,452 --> 01:07:48,952
You look
absolutely wonderful.

1639
01:07:48,954 --> 01:07:50,855
Oh.

1640
01:07:52,092 --> 01:07:53,590
I have to say,
I have been

1641
01:07:53,592 --> 01:07:55,827
so impressed
by your initiative.

1642
01:07:55,829 --> 01:07:57,594
Does this mean
I can add Canada

1643
01:07:57,597 --> 01:07:59,597
to the list of countries
taking part?

1644
01:07:59,599 --> 01:08:01,766
On one condition.

1645
01:08:01,768 --> 01:08:02,666
Let me guess.

1646
01:08:02,668 --> 01:08:05,402
You want fewer restrictions
on lumber.

1647
01:08:05,405 --> 01:08:06,739
I don't care about lumber.

1648
01:08:08,041 --> 01:08:09,576
I just want to dance.

1649
01:08:13,012 --> 01:08:14,077
Sure.

1650
01:08:37,737 --> 01:08:38,805
Whoa!

1651
01:08:40,006 --> 01:08:41,507
Wow.

1652
01:08:42,876 --> 01:08:44,108
You know
when you see something,

1653
01:08:44,109 --> 01:08:47,444
and it just looks right.

1654
01:08:47,447 --> 01:08:49,514
Like a Kangol hat
on Samuel L. Jackson.

1655
01:08:49,515 --> 01:08:50,516
Mmm-hmm.

1656
01:09:00,161 --> 01:09:01,862
I'm worthy of love.

1657
01:09:03,563 --> 01:09:04,898
I'm worthy of love.

1658
01:09:07,533 --> 01:09:08,835
What the fuck
are you saying?

1659
01:09:09,735 --> 01:09:10,737
Nothing.

1660
01:09:43,938 --> 01:09:44,939
<i>Bonjour,</i> ma'am.

1661
01:10:17,971 --> 01:10:18,972
Excuse me.

1662
01:10:21,042 --> 01:10:22,574
Agent E, look alive.

1663
01:10:38,158 --> 01:10:39,525
- Hi.
- Hey.

1664
01:10:40,293 --> 01:10:41,929
I hear you have
a crush on me.

1665
01:10:43,296 --> 01:10:44,664
I do.

1666
01:10:46,233 --> 01:10:48,034
Kinda have
a crush on you, too.

1667
01:10:49,737 --> 01:10:50,904
Well, that's cool.

1668
01:10:54,175 --> 01:10:56,274
Hey, I know I asked earlier.

1669
01:10:56,277 --> 01:10:57,842
But, uh...

1670
01:11:01,548 --> 01:11:02,882
Do you want to dance with me?

1671
01:11:05,720 --> 01:11:06,720
It's a dope song.

1672
01:11:07,887 --> 01:11:09,121
Really fucking good song.

1673
01:11:09,122 --> 01:11:10,255
Maybe the best song
ever written.

1674
01:11:10,256 --> 01:11:11,257
Yeah.

1675
01:12:59,400 --> 01:13:01,033
I want you to
fuck me from behind

1676
01:13:01,036 --> 01:13:02,203
and slap my ass really hard.

1677
01:13:04,872 --> 01:13:06,072
What?

1678
01:13:06,073 --> 01:13:07,407
What?

1679
01:13:07,408 --> 01:13:09,675
Nothing. What,
did I say "what"?

1680
01:13:09,676 --> 01:13:10,976
Am I being too bossy?

1681
01:13:10,979 --> 01:13:13,744
No. No. No. No. Not at all.
No. No.

1682
01:13:13,747 --> 01:13:15,280
I am. I am.
I'm your boss all day,

1683
01:13:15,283 --> 01:13:16,149
and now I'm bossing you
in bed.

1684
01:13:16,150 --> 01:13:17,682
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it that way.

1685
01:13:17,685 --> 01:13:18,885
No. Not at all.

1686
01:13:18,886 --> 01:13:20,752
My brain, honestly, just went
into shock a little bit...

1687
01:13:20,755 --> 01:13:21,887
Yeah, but you hesitated.

1688
01:13:21,890 --> 01:13:24,923
No, it's just not how
I imagined you liking things.

1689
01:13:24,926 --> 01:13:28,027
You know what? We'll do exactly
what you were imagining.

1690
01:13:28,029 --> 01:13:30,029
And then you turn me around
and slap me on my ass

1691
01:13:30,030 --> 01:13:31,265
and then choke me
a little bit.

1692
01:13:32,033 --> 01:13:33,033
Oh, my God.

1693
01:13:40,774 --> 01:13:41,842
Whoa.

1694
01:13:51,853 --> 01:13:52,854
Frederick.

1695
01:13:53,454 --> 01:13:54,689
Margaret.

1696
01:13:59,461 --> 01:14:01,261
Hey, you forgot this...
Oh, fuck!

1697
01:14:01,262 --> 01:14:03,029
- Gross!
- Um...

1698
01:14:03,030 --> 01:14:04,363
I thought you guys
hated each other.

1699
01:14:04,365 --> 01:14:06,466
- We do hate each other.
- We do. Big time.

1700
01:14:06,467 --> 01:14:08,400
- We are also fucking.
- Ugh.

1701
01:14:08,403 --> 01:14:09,502
How long
have you been fucking?

1702
01:14:09,505 --> 01:14:10,837
That was probably 20 minutes.

1703
01:14:10,838 --> 01:14:11,904
Not right now!

1704
01:14:11,907 --> 01:14:14,106
- Oh.
- A lot of questions. Um, I...

1705
01:14:14,109 --> 01:14:15,274
I would say
anywhere between

1706
01:14:15,277 --> 01:14:17,143
two and five...
Three and a half times.

1707
01:14:17,145 --> 01:14:18,978
I would say on my end, five.

1708
01:14:18,979 --> 01:14:20,447
Three and a half sounds right.

1709
01:14:20,448 --> 01:14:22,814
I don't know how you're tallying that shit.
That's sick.

1710
01:14:22,817 --> 01:14:25,251
Okay, first of all,
there's a woman present.

1711
01:14:25,252 --> 01:14:26,886
There's a woman
in there, too?

1712
01:14:26,887 --> 01:14:28,787
- Excuse me.
- Easy.

1713
01:14:28,789 --> 01:14:29,988
- And I got it.
- Sorry.

1714
01:14:29,990 --> 01:14:31,356
- Again.
- Sorry, I'm...

1715
01:14:31,359 --> 01:14:33,225
A woman is present
and that woman is me.

1716
01:14:33,228 --> 01:14:34,827
- You?
- We're talking about her.

1717
01:14:34,828 --> 01:14:36,762
Trust me, I know, Fred.

1718
01:14:36,765 --> 01:14:37,829
Tom, I got this.

1719
01:14:37,832 --> 01:14:39,265
- Ugh!
- I'm gonna say goodnight.

1720
01:14:39,266 --> 01:14:40,466
You tuck that in.
Goodnight to you.

1721
01:14:40,469 --> 01:14:41,333
And I will take my leave.

1722
01:14:41,336 --> 01:14:44,371
No. No way.
I'm not touching that shit.

1723
01:14:44,372 --> 01:14:46,838
- It's not the worst instinct.
- Guys, just...

1724
01:14:46,841 --> 01:14:47,907
Those hands
have been places.

1725
01:14:47,908 --> 01:14:49,409
Goodnight.

1726
01:14:49,412 --> 01:14:51,911
<i>With France's commitment,
U.S. Secretary of State</i>

1727
01:14:51,912 --> 01:14:55,282
<i>Charlotte Field's noble
Rehabilitation Initiative</i>

1728
01:14:55,283 --> 01:14:57,318
<i>has secured the support
of 100 countries.</i>

1729
01:14:59,421 --> 01:15:00,688
The president
wants to talk to you.

1730
01:15:00,689 --> 01:15:03,823
We've set up the tent in the next
room, Madam Secretary.

1731
01:15:03,824 --> 01:15:05,092
Tell him hi.

1732
01:15:09,532 --> 01:15:12,164
Mr. President. <i>Bonjour.</i>

1733
01:15:12,167 --> 01:15:13,434
<i>Charlie,</i> bonjour.

1734
01:15:13,435 --> 01:15:17,002
<i>Hey, what's this I hear about
an environmental treaty thing?</i>

1735
01:15:17,005 --> 01:15:18,805
Oh, it's the Global

1736
01:15:18,806 --> 01:15:20,907
Rehabilitation Initiative,
sir.

1737
01:15:20,908 --> 01:15:23,409
It's been on your desk for the
last three weeks.

1738
01:15:23,412 --> 01:15:25,511
Yeah, well,
we ran it up the flagpole

1739
01:15:25,514 --> 01:15:27,947
and it's ruffling
some feathers.

1740
01:15:27,948 --> 01:15:30,082
Sir, you are the flagpole.

1741
01:15:30,085 --> 01:15:33,520
There are actually quite a few
flagpoles in this joint.

1742
01:15:33,521 --> 01:15:35,288
<i>We need you to revise it.</i>

1743
01:15:35,291 --> 01:15:36,292
Sir?

1744
01:15:37,193 --> 01:15:39,295
<i>We need you to kill the trees.</i>

1745
01:15:43,298 --> 01:15:44,530
Why would he do that?

1746
01:15:44,533 --> 01:15:47,568
Because he's funded by a
bunch of fucking rich assholes

1747
01:15:47,569 --> 01:15:49,203
and I probably pissed
one of them off.

1748
01:15:49,204 --> 01:15:50,903
Can I just say
the optics of this

1749
01:15:50,904 --> 01:15:52,605
are actually
not that different?

1750
01:15:52,608 --> 01:15:54,408
The initiative still has
the same name.

1751
01:15:54,409 --> 01:15:56,176
It sounds
very impressive,

1752
01:15:56,177 --> 01:15:58,311
which is ultimately
all that matters.

1753
01:15:58,314 --> 01:16:01,015
I actually cared about this.

1754
01:16:01,016 --> 01:16:02,582
Now what am I
fucking left with? Bees?

1755
01:16:02,585 --> 01:16:03,916
I don't even like bees.

1756
01:16:03,917 --> 01:16:05,185
Do you have to
listen to him?

1757
01:16:05,186 --> 01:16:08,354
Yes. I have to listen to him.

1758
01:16:08,356 --> 01:16:11,190
Because unless he endorses me,
I won't win.

1759
01:16:11,193 --> 01:16:14,127
And this whole fucking show
would have been for nothing.

1760
01:16:14,130 --> 01:16:16,195
Well, maybe you don't need
his endorsement to win.

1761
01:16:16,198 --> 01:16:17,564
You know?
People are digging your shit.

1762
01:16:17,565 --> 01:16:19,233
And your numbers are good.

1763
01:16:19,234 --> 01:16:21,435
You know what, Fred?
She needs a little alone time.

1764
01:16:21,436 --> 01:16:22,970
Right, she probably just needs
a friend right now.

1765
01:16:22,971 --> 01:16:24,037
Time to go, buddy.

1766
01:16:24,039 --> 01:16:25,905
Oh, my God.

1767
01:16:25,908 --> 01:16:29,145
Maggie, just give me a second
alone with Fred, please.

1768
01:16:43,993 --> 01:16:46,393
I don't wanna
do this job anymore.

1769
01:16:46,395 --> 01:16:47,462
I fuckin' hate it.

1770
01:16:48,363 --> 01:16:50,530
I mean, what's the point?

1771
01:16:50,533 --> 01:16:53,836
Every time I do something,
it just gets undone.

1772
01:16:54,403 --> 01:16:55,636
I'm sorry.

1773
01:16:55,637 --> 01:16:57,438
I just wanna be
a normal person

1774
01:16:57,439 --> 01:16:59,206
and not give a fuck
about anything

1775
01:16:59,207 --> 01:17:01,240
just like
the rest of the world.

1776
01:17:01,243 --> 01:17:03,310
Yeah, most people don't
give a shit about anything.

1777
01:17:03,311 --> 01:17:05,014
I bet it's really nice.

1778
01:17:06,181 --> 01:17:08,015
That's what I want.

1779
01:17:08,016 --> 01:17:10,118
I don't know
how to give that to you.

1780
01:17:13,555 --> 01:17:15,123
Let's get fucked up.

1781
01:17:15,524 --> 01:17:16,591
Fucked up?

1782
01:17:16,592 --> 01:17:19,059
- Yeah.
- Like a few beers fucked up

1783
01:17:19,060 --> 01:17:21,328
or more than that fucked up?

1784
01:17:21,329 --> 01:17:23,298
Like super fucked up.

1785
01:17:29,137 --> 01:17:31,605
I want to smoke
a Molly with you.

1786
01:17:33,042 --> 01:17:34,210
What?

1787
01:17:34,976 --> 01:17:36,711
That's not, um...

1788
01:17:36,712 --> 01:17:38,378
That's not
how you take it, but...

1789
01:17:38,381 --> 01:17:39,279
How do you take it?

1790
01:17:39,280 --> 01:17:41,148
It's a pill.
You take it in your mouth.

1791
01:17:41,149 --> 01:17:42,684
But I don't know
if you wanna do it.

1792
01:17:42,685 --> 01:17:44,016
Why not?

1793
01:17:44,019 --> 01:17:45,953
I just don't know
if it's a good idea.

1794
01:17:45,954 --> 01:17:49,324
As your boss, I'm ordering you
to get me a Molly.

1795
01:17:50,259 --> 01:17:51,427
Oh, man.

1796
01:18:21,457 --> 01:18:22,623
You good?

1797
01:18:22,626 --> 01:18:24,591
I don't feel anything.

1798
01:18:24,594 --> 01:18:26,594
You don't feel it?

1799
01:18:26,595 --> 01:18:28,395
No, I don't feel
a fucking thing.

1800
01:18:28,398 --> 01:18:31,201
Ooh! Wow.

1801
01:18:31,667 --> 01:18:34,202
Was right.

1802
01:18:34,203 --> 01:18:38,104
Holy fuck...

1803
01:18:38,106 --> 01:18:39,440
No!

1804
01:18:39,443 --> 01:18:41,775
My jaw feels
really weird.

1805
01:18:41,778 --> 01:18:43,109
Yeah, that's the drugs.

1806
01:18:43,112 --> 01:18:44,712
Drugs love a jaw.

1807
01:18:44,713 --> 01:18:47,148
- I want more.
- No, no, no, no.

1808
01:18:47,149 --> 01:18:48,550
Maybe in like an hour.

1809
01:18:48,551 --> 01:18:50,252
We should do it now.

1810
01:19:19,114 --> 01:19:21,315
Yes, motherfuckers!

1811
01:19:21,318 --> 01:19:23,251
I could do this forever!

1812
01:19:23,252 --> 01:19:24,652
We're gonna.

1813
01:19:24,654 --> 01:19:27,154
I know I've been like...

1814
01:19:27,157 --> 01:19:29,390
I've been, like, playing it
pretty cool.

1815
01:19:29,391 --> 01:19:31,391
Like I've probably been
a little hard to read,

1816
01:19:31,394 --> 01:19:33,060
and I've been acting
kinda, like, aloof,

1817
01:19:33,063 --> 01:19:34,729
maybe like I don't
care that much.

1818
01:19:34,730 --> 01:19:38,166
But I don't wanna do that
anymore. I really like you.

1819
01:19:38,167 --> 01:19:40,467
You haven't been
playing it cool at all.

1820
01:19:40,470 --> 01:19:43,136
You just followed me
into the bathroom.

1821
01:19:43,139 --> 01:19:44,372
Yeah, to talk.

1822
01:19:44,373 --> 01:19:46,507
- I really like you, too!
- Really?

1823
01:19:46,510 --> 01:19:48,141
- Yeah!
- Yeah!

1824
01:19:50,113 --> 01:19:52,779
- Madam Secretary!
- Yeah! Whoa!

1825
01:19:52,782 --> 01:19:54,615
Madam Secretary!
Listen to me!

1826
01:19:54,618 --> 01:19:56,751
Dance with me,
Steven! Dance!

1827
01:19:56,752 --> 01:19:57,853
We have a situation.

1828
01:19:57,854 --> 01:19:59,221
Huh?

1829
01:20:07,564 --> 01:20:09,430
Yo.

1830
01:20:09,431 --> 01:20:12,466
How much longer is this
Molly stuff gonna last?

1831
01:20:12,469 --> 01:20:14,234
We just re-upped.

1832
01:20:14,237 --> 01:20:16,436
You kept saying you wanted
to take more, so we did.

1833
01:20:16,439 --> 01:20:19,509
So we have another
maybe four or five hours.

1834
01:20:20,677 --> 01:20:22,810
Yeah. Why?

1835
01:20:22,813 --> 01:20:24,646
I'm in so much trouble.

1836
01:20:24,649 --> 01:20:25,713
What's happening?

1837
01:20:25,716 --> 01:20:27,314
I'm gonna be
in so much trouble.

1838
01:20:27,317 --> 01:20:29,519
What's happening?
Are they outta water?

1839
01:20:30,386 --> 01:20:31,552
One of our U2s went down

1840
01:20:31,555 --> 01:20:34,454
while performing a standard
fly-over in Kashtari airspace.

1841
01:20:34,457 --> 01:20:35,556
The pilot was able to eject,

1842
01:20:35,559 --> 01:20:38,560
but it appears he was taken
by the Kashtari military.

1843
01:20:38,563 --> 01:20:40,261
Thank you, General.

1844
01:20:40,262 --> 01:20:41,764
Prime Minister Bharath
is refusing

1845
01:20:41,765 --> 01:20:44,265
to return the pilot
to United States custody.

1846
01:20:44,266 --> 01:20:46,234
He's personally hurt
by the many insults

1847
01:20:46,235 --> 01:20:47,735
hurled at him by POTUS:

1848
01:20:47,738 --> 01:20:49,637
Good job. All right.

1849
01:20:52,408 --> 01:20:53,711
It's gonna be okay
in there, right?

1850
01:20:54,679 --> 01:20:56,112
That's up to you, ma'am.

1851
01:20:57,346 --> 01:20:59,750
Oh, God.
You got this.

1852
01:21:16,833 --> 01:21:19,368
I can hold onto your sunglasses for
you, if you'd like.

1853
01:21:19,369 --> 01:21:24,408
Oh, no. I have alopecia.
In both eyes.

1854
01:21:30,780 --> 01:21:32,246
Hello.

1855
01:21:32,247 --> 01:21:33,213
<i>Secretary Field!</i>

1856
01:21:33,216 --> 01:21:34,315
Oh, my God!

1857
01:21:34,318 --> 01:21:37,185
Hello, Bharath? Hey.

1858
01:21:37,186 --> 01:21:40,555
I hear we have
a situation here?

1859
01:21:40,557 --> 01:21:43,661
One that we both
probably want resolved.

1860
01:21:45,496 --> 01:21:47,930
Very quickly...

1861
01:21:47,931 --> 01:21:50,532
You're not going to bully me
this time, Madam Secretary.

1862
01:21:50,533 --> 01:21:52,234
Your man will stay here

1863
01:21:52,235 --> 01:21:55,203
until your president
personally apologizes to me.

1864
01:21:55,206 --> 01:21:56,207
Over Instagram.

1865
01:21:57,408 --> 01:22:00,377
- He won't do that.
- Yeah, no. Yes...

1866
01:22:01,479 --> 01:22:03,679
- Yo.
- Yes?

1867
01:22:03,680 --> 01:22:05,247
Can I level with you?

1868
01:22:05,248 --> 01:22:06,782
Can I fill you in
on something?

1869
01:22:06,783 --> 01:22:07,815
Go ahead.

1870
01:22:07,818 --> 01:22:09,484
Me and Charlotte,
we're fucked up right now.

1871
01:22:09,487 --> 01:22:10,418
We're on drugs.

1872
01:22:10,421 --> 01:22:11,953
First of all, I don't
wanna talk about that.

1873
01:22:11,956 --> 01:22:13,655
Why? We can't talk
about the drugs.

1874
01:22:13,658 --> 01:22:14,989
Do you know
we're on drugs?

1875
01:22:14,992 --> 01:22:17,528
I don't wanna talk
about that in this room.

1876
01:22:18,729 --> 01:22:19,896
What's happening?

1877
01:22:21,364 --> 01:22:22,430
We're on drugs
right now.

1878
01:22:24,502 --> 01:22:26,268
That's funny.
That's a funny joke!

1879
01:22:26,270 --> 01:22:28,237
What's a joke?
We're on fucking drugs...

1880
01:22:29,472 --> 01:22:30,605
Are we going somewhere?

1881
01:22:32,443 --> 01:22:34,342
What is that?

1882
01:22:34,345 --> 01:22:36,612
What is happening?
We're on drugs right now.

1883
01:22:36,613 --> 01:22:39,314
So you're admitting that
the United States government

1884
01:22:39,315 --> 01:22:41,550
ordered these planes
to spy on my country?

1885
01:22:41,551 --> 01:22:42,618
No.

1886
01:22:43,787 --> 01:22:46,889
No! No! Of course not!

1887
01:22:46,890 --> 01:22:48,992
<i>That's what it sounded like.
Face it.</i>

1888
01:22:48,993 --> 01:22:50,225
You have no leverage here.

1889
01:22:50,226 --> 01:22:53,494
Match his aggression, Madam.
It's the only way out of this.

1890
01:22:53,497 --> 01:22:55,965
I don't know, he seems
really fucking pissed off.

1891
01:22:55,966 --> 01:22:57,466
Get more fucking pissed.

1892
01:22:57,467 --> 01:22:58,869
Let him know
who's really in charge.

1893
01:23:03,774 --> 01:23:05,475
Oh, my God,
that really hurt.

1894
01:23:06,711 --> 01:23:08,476
I gotta be honest,
I'm not...

1895
01:23:08,479 --> 01:23:11,680
I'm not feeling
all this aggression stuff.

1896
01:23:11,681 --> 01:23:15,350
I'm into more of,
like, a chilled vibe.

1897
01:23:15,351 --> 01:23:17,988
You know, just feeling...

1898
01:23:18,923 --> 01:23:20,859
God, are those Gauloises?

1899
01:23:21,859 --> 01:23:23,461
Just, I'm so...

1900
01:23:24,762 --> 01:23:27,230
I'm just gonna bum one.

1901
01:23:29,332 --> 01:23:30,631
Just give me one sec.

1902
01:23:30,634 --> 01:23:31,703
Don't worry.

1903
01:23:39,877 --> 01:23:40,944
Bharath.

1904
01:23:40,945 --> 01:23:42,680
- Hello?
- <i>Listen.</i>

1905
01:23:43,948 --> 01:23:45,884
Mmm. Mmm.

1906
01:23:47,585 --> 01:23:52,389
You and I are in
the same boat, my friend.

1907
01:23:52,957 --> 01:23:54,623
How is that the case?

1908
01:23:54,626 --> 01:23:56,024
<i>We both have to
deal with my boss</i>

1909
01:23:56,027 --> 01:23:59,427
and we both think
he is an asshole.

1910
01:23:59,430 --> 01:24:01,497
You also think
he's an asshole?

1911
01:24:01,498 --> 01:24:02,998
Oh, my God,
he's such an asshole.

1912
01:24:03,001 --> 01:24:04,868
His stupid fucking TV show

1913
01:24:04,869 --> 01:24:06,802
was like,
good for three episodes

1914
01:24:06,805 --> 01:24:08,671
<i>and then it just didn't make
any sense.</i>

1915
01:24:08,672 --> 01:24:10,809
Fuck,
it feels good to say that.

1916
01:24:13,845 --> 01:24:14,845
Listen.

1917
01:24:17,015 --> 01:24:21,083
You need to keep this
on the real DL.

1918
01:24:21,086 --> 01:24:24,520
We both know
that the U.S. does not

1919
01:24:24,523 --> 01:24:27,657
negotiate with terrorists.

1920
01:24:27,658 --> 01:24:33,061
But, we do negotiate
with homies.

1921
01:24:33,064 --> 01:24:35,698
So if you give us
our guy back,

1922
01:24:35,699 --> 01:24:39,836
I'm gonna hook you up
with a sweet aid package.

1923
01:24:39,837 --> 01:24:42,872
<i>So not only do you not have to
keep a guy hostage,</i>

1924
01:24:42,873 --> 01:24:46,643
which is a pretty
shitty thing to do.

1925
01:24:46,645 --> 01:24:48,444
I mean, I've done it myself.

1926
01:24:48,445 --> 01:24:50,515
Don't tell anybody,
super classified.

1927
01:24:51,515 --> 01:24:53,115
It sucks, I hate it.

1928
01:24:53,118 --> 01:24:58,421
Yeah. So,
why don't we instead

1929
01:24:58,422 --> 01:25:02,091
save a ton of lives?

1930
01:25:02,092 --> 01:25:05,494
I mean, that's pretty
fucking awesome, right?

1931
01:25:05,497 --> 01:25:07,097
I think this is
a really good idea.

1932
01:25:10,569 --> 01:25:11,735
What do you say?

1933
01:25:14,471 --> 01:25:15,907
Ma'am.

1934
01:25:20,779 --> 01:25:22,979
Hostage saved, motherfuckers!

1935
01:25:22,980 --> 01:25:25,715
Yeah, yeah!

1936
01:25:25,716 --> 01:25:28,685
- She did it! She did it!
- She did it!

1937
01:25:28,686 --> 01:25:31,421
I'm here with Secretary
of State Charlotte Field.

1938
01:25:31,422 --> 01:25:33,856
Who, after a tense and
complicated negotiation

1939
01:25:33,859 --> 01:25:35,792
with Kashtar,
has secured the release

1940
01:25:35,793 --> 01:25:38,828
of the pilot of the U.S.
spy plane that went down

1941
01:25:38,829 --> 01:25:40,963
over Kashtari airspace.

1942
01:25:40,966 --> 01:25:43,032
- I know, right.
- Crazy.

1943
01:25:43,033 --> 01:25:44,100
And this is all
in the midst

1944
01:25:44,103 --> 01:25:46,703
of the success of
your environmental initiative,

1945
01:25:46,704 --> 01:25:50,140
which I understand has secured
the support of 100 countries.

1946
01:25:50,141 --> 01:25:51,707
- Yes, um...
- Ooh, sore subject.

1947
01:25:51,710 --> 01:25:53,443
I'm very happy
to announce that

1948
01:25:53,444 --> 01:25:56,180
not only do I have the support
of those 100 countries,

1949
01:25:56,181 --> 01:25:58,881
but the president himself
called me personally

1950
01:25:58,884 --> 01:26:00,984
just to tell me how psyched
he is about this initiative...

1951
01:26:00,987 --> 01:26:03,953
- Did he call? Did he call?
- That didn't happen.

1952
01:26:03,956 --> 01:26:05,189
don't change a word,

1953
01:26:05,190 --> 01:26:08,125
especially the part, uh,
with the trees.

1954
01:26:08,127 --> 01:26:09,759
- That's a lie.
- So, all in all,

1955
01:26:09,761 --> 01:26:10,859
I'm just... Well,

1956
01:26:10,862 --> 01:26:13,796
I kinda feel like I'm just
kinda crushing it right now.

1957
01:26:13,797 --> 01:26:16,101
Thank you so much. So...
Thank you.

1958
01:26:16,801 --> 01:26:17,868
Thank you.

1959
01:26:17,869 --> 01:26:20,203
The incredible
Charlotte Field.

1960
01:26:20,206 --> 01:26:22,537
Who clearly still feels
the effects

1961
01:26:22,539 --> 01:26:25,842
of the intense all-night
hostage situation.

1962
01:26:38,157 --> 01:26:41,024
<i>After negotiating the release
of Lieutenant Gary Smith...</i>

1963
01:26:41,027 --> 01:26:42,960
<i>Charlotte Field's popularity
continues to skyrocket...</i>

1964
01:26:42,962 --> 01:26:44,694
<i>In the newest Gallup poll,
68%...</i>

1965
01:26:44,695 --> 01:26:47,997
<i>are women mentally unfit
to hold the presidency?</i>

1966
01:26:48,000 --> 01:26:49,832
<i>Here to chat about it
is Chris Brown,</i>

1967
01:26:49,835 --> 01:26:52,202
<i>Jeremy Piven,
and Brett Ratner.</i>

1968
01:26:52,203 --> 01:26:55,005
<i>In the wake of her successful
hostage negotiation,</i>

1969
01:26:55,006 --> 01:26:57,207
<i>Charlotte Field's poll numbers
keep going up.</i>

1970
01:26:57,208 --> 01:26:58,573
<i>I'd like to apologize</i>

1971
01:26:58,576 --> 01:26:59,810
<i>to Charlotte,
and anyone out there</i>

1972
01:26:59,811 --> 01:27:03,048
<i>who was upset yesterday when
I called her Booby-McBoobson.</i>

1973
01:27:04,850 --> 01:27:06,051
Give me
the president's office.

1974
01:27:06,918 --> 01:27:08,985
Yep?

1975
01:27:08,988 --> 01:27:10,621
Can I talk to you
for a second?

1976
01:27:10,622 --> 01:27:12,122
Of course.

1977
01:27:12,123 --> 01:27:14,091
We got some new polling that
I thought I'd share with you.

1978
01:27:14,092 --> 01:27:15,225
All right.

1979
01:27:15,226 --> 01:27:16,793
It feels like
everything

1980
01:27:16,796 --> 01:27:18,028
is kinda falling into place
for us.

1981
01:27:18,029 --> 01:27:19,662
So we thought
we'd dig a little deeper

1982
01:27:19,664 --> 01:27:21,064
and make sure
there are no surprises.

1983
01:27:21,067 --> 01:27:22,800
- Why are you acting so weird?
- It's good.

1984
01:27:22,801 --> 01:27:24,703
We got some really
helpful feedback.

1985
01:27:25,938 --> 01:27:27,671
From the public.

1986
01:27:27,672 --> 01:27:30,940
So we asked
a thousand constituents

1987
01:27:30,943 --> 01:27:32,676
how they would feel

1988
01:27:32,677 --> 01:27:35,746
- if, say, Princess Di...
- Hmm.

1989
01:27:35,747 --> 01:27:37,115
if she were to
start dating

1990
01:27:38,016 --> 01:27:39,018
Guy Fieri.

1991
01:27:40,720 --> 01:27:42,618
I don't even know
who that is.

1992
01:27:42,621 --> 01:27:44,121
They
don't like that.

1993
01:27:44,122 --> 01:27:46,724
- Yeah.
- Or Kate Middleton

1994
01:27:46,725 --> 01:27:48,926
were to start dating
Danny DeVito.

1995
01:27:48,927 --> 01:27:50,027
I see where you're
going with this.

1996
01:27:50,029 --> 01:27:51,328
Pretty negative reaction.

1997
01:27:51,329 --> 01:27:53,997
Or if Jennifer Lawrence

1998
01:27:54,000 --> 01:27:57,168
were to start dating this
potato in a teal windbreaker.

1999
01:27:58,237 --> 01:28:00,136
They would be very upset.

2000
01:28:00,139 --> 01:28:01,637
You did a lot of work,

2001
01:28:01,640 --> 01:28:03,606
- and I...
- Well, but, can I just finish?

2002
01:28:03,609 --> 01:28:05,842
No, that's, like, a lot of...
I get it.

2003
01:28:05,845 --> 01:28:07,744
Madam Secretary.
I have no desire

2004
01:28:07,747 --> 01:28:09,779
- to limit your romantic life.
- Good.

2005
01:28:09,782 --> 01:28:12,615
But the optics of you and Fred

2006
01:28:12,618 --> 01:28:15,085
will make a presidential run
very challenging.

2007
01:28:15,087 --> 01:28:16,320
Fred is a journalist.

2008
01:28:16,323 --> 01:28:18,654
Who's written some
extremely fucked-up stuff.

2009
01:28:18,657 --> 01:28:21,659
No. That's exposed some
really fucked-up stuff.

2010
01:28:22,795 --> 01:28:25,029
And I just want to know
for myself,

2011
01:28:25,030 --> 01:28:28,032
you're comfortable with putting
everything on the line for a hookup?

2012
01:28:28,033 --> 01:28:29,766
Oh, my God.

2013
01:28:29,769 --> 01:28:30,934
Why are we having
this conversation?

2014
01:28:30,935 --> 01:28:32,270
This is insane.

2015
01:28:32,271 --> 01:28:35,171
I don't have to explain myself
to you.

2016
01:28:35,173 --> 01:28:36,907
I'm sorry. I really don't
understand this.

2017
01:28:36,908 --> 01:28:38,309
And I fucking love you,
Charlotte.

2018
01:28:38,310 --> 01:28:39,310
I want you to be happy.

2019
01:28:39,311 --> 01:28:40,911
But more than that,
I want you to be in charge.

2020
01:28:40,912 --> 01:28:42,845
And I want you
to be president.

2021
01:28:42,847 --> 01:28:44,984
For the sake of the future
of our country.

2022
01:28:48,988 --> 01:28:50,655
Look, there's another option.

2023
01:28:52,024 --> 01:28:53,323
There's a guy who works
for the Secret Service

2024
01:28:53,326 --> 01:28:57,395
whose job it is to handle
the mistresses...

2025
01:28:57,396 --> 01:28:58,962
Maggie. You're gonna
have to stop.

2026
01:28:58,963 --> 01:29:01,198
And there are a series
of tunnels in the White House

2027
01:29:01,201 --> 01:29:02,801
- that Woodrow Wilson...
- That's enough.

2028
01:29:05,072 --> 01:29:06,804
Fred is not an idea

2029
01:29:06,805 --> 01:29:09,239
that I'm floating by you
for your approval.

2030
01:29:09,242 --> 01:29:11,278
And you're getting very close
to crossing a line.

2031
01:29:17,016 --> 01:29:18,315
Okay. Got it.

2032
01:29:18,318 --> 01:29:19,752
Goodnight, Madam Secretary.

2033
01:29:25,690 --> 01:29:27,791
<i>When I grow up,
I want to be Charlotte Field.</i>

2034
01:29:27,792 --> 01:29:29,159
<i>Because she's smart and pretty</i>

2035
01:29:29,162 --> 01:29:30,793
<i>and she's going to be
president.</i>

2036
01:29:39,038 --> 01:29:41,872
I will be that
little girl's president.

2037
01:29:41,875 --> 01:29:45,109
Thank you,
and God bless America.

2038
01:29:45,112 --> 01:29:48,279
Massive applause.
Massive cheering.

2039
01:29:48,280 --> 01:29:50,414
At that point, I think
the stage would descend,

2040
01:29:50,417 --> 01:29:54,219
right, and then Lil Uzi Vert
or Charli XCX

2041
01:29:54,220 --> 01:29:56,686
would join hands
with the Harlem Boys Choir...

2042
01:29:56,689 --> 01:29:58,355
Well, I said we'll figure
that out later.

2043
01:30:00,260 --> 01:30:01,792
Uh, Madam Secretary,

2044
01:30:01,795 --> 01:30:03,162
the president would like to
see you right now.

2045
01:30:03,896 --> 01:30:05,030
Shit.

2046
01:30:06,065 --> 01:30:07,131
Damn it!

2047
01:30:07,134 --> 01:30:08,400
The nation is at war!

2048
01:30:09,301 --> 01:30:10,502
I find myself torn.

2049
01:30:10,503 --> 01:30:15,105
Torn between my personal love
and my love of country...

2050
01:30:15,108 --> 01:30:16,774
Sir, is this a good time?

2051
01:30:16,775 --> 01:30:19,810
Oh, hi, Charlotte.
No, I'm just running lines.

2052
01:30:19,813 --> 01:30:20,845
- Oh.
- All right.

2053
01:30:20,846 --> 01:30:22,649
Clear the room. Everybody,
just Charlotte, please.

2054
01:30:26,086 --> 01:30:27,087
Thanks.

2055
01:30:30,390 --> 01:30:32,024
Is everything okay, sir?

2056
01:30:33,092 --> 01:30:35,295
Oh, look who it is.

2057
01:30:36,029 --> 01:30:38,829
She's here at last.

2058
01:30:38,832 --> 01:30:41,265
You gotta love that
secret door. Sit down.

2059
01:30:45,738 --> 01:30:47,238
This feels like an ambush.

2060
01:30:47,239 --> 01:30:49,274
Well, in the
entertainment world,

2061
01:30:49,275 --> 01:30:51,442
we call this a surprise
walk-on.

2062
01:30:51,444 --> 01:30:52,877
You see, Charlotte,

2063
01:30:52,878 --> 01:30:55,445
we have a number of
business interests

2064
01:30:55,448 --> 01:30:58,315
and that, you know,
may be gravely affected

2065
01:30:58,318 --> 01:31:00,284
by this agreement of yours.

2066
01:31:00,287 --> 01:31:02,787
Yeah. Uh, aside from
getting into film,

2067
01:31:02,788 --> 01:31:05,422
I'm looking to use
my connections as president

2068
01:31:05,425 --> 01:31:07,458
to expand
my investment portfolio.

2069
01:31:07,461 --> 01:31:10,127
Sort of like an Ashton Kutcher
type thing, you know.

2070
01:31:10,130 --> 01:31:13,064
I mean, that guy is killing
with acting and investing...

2071
01:31:13,065 --> 01:31:15,899
I think what the president
is trying to say,

2072
01:31:15,902 --> 01:31:18,802
is that the server farm
we want to build in Alaska

2073
01:31:18,805 --> 01:31:22,239
is sitting on 10 miles of land
which will now be

2074
01:31:22,242 --> 01:31:24,144
protected by your initiative.

2075
01:31:24,944 --> 01:31:26,211
Move your server farm.

2076
01:31:26,212 --> 01:31:28,078
We want to
build it in Alaska.

2077
01:31:28,081 --> 01:31:29,846
There's plenty of room
for expansion.

2078
01:31:29,849 --> 01:31:32,817
Charlotte. I'm surprised
that it's come to this.

2079
01:31:32,819 --> 01:31:34,520
You're usually so agreeable.

2080
01:31:34,521 --> 01:31:36,954
But I watched you
undermine me

2081
01:31:36,957 --> 01:31:38,989
on TV the other day.

2082
01:31:38,992 --> 01:31:41,059
TV of all places.

2083
01:31:41,060 --> 01:31:43,094
That's my medium. All right?

2084
01:31:43,095 --> 01:31:46,797
You used TV against me!

2085
01:31:46,800 --> 01:31:49,268
That was your first mistake.

2086
01:31:49,270 --> 01:31:52,203
Look, I'm about to give you
the easiest ultimatum

2087
01:31:52,206 --> 01:31:54,274
that you're ever,
ever gonna receive.

2088
01:31:56,076 --> 01:31:57,809
Drop the tree thing.

2089
01:31:57,810 --> 01:32:00,246
- Or?
- Or...

2090
01:32:00,247 --> 01:32:06,252
We will release the content
of your friend's hard drive.

2091
01:32:06,253 --> 01:32:08,987
We found
a lot of interesting stuff

2092
01:32:08,988 --> 01:32:10,588
when we hacked
into his webcam.

2093
01:32:10,591 --> 01:32:12,859
Now here is a little taster.

2094
01:32:16,061 --> 01:32:19,163
<i>Yo, Charlotte, it's Fred.</i>

2095
01:32:19,166 --> 01:32:20,998
<i>Uh, you want
to come to my room</i>

2096
01:32:21,001 --> 01:32:23,167
<i>and have sex with me
really fast?</i>

2097
01:32:23,170 --> 01:32:26,271
<i>Oh no, don't worry. I'll find
ways to kill time today.</i>

2098
01:32:26,274 --> 01:32:28,073
<i>It's cool. Just let me know
when you're back.</i>

2099
01:32:28,074 --> 01:32:29,143
<i>Great.</i>

2100
01:32:33,546 --> 01:32:35,314
<i>important to me.</i>

2101
01:32:35,315 --> 01:32:37,948
<i>That's a good speech.</i>

2102
01:32:37,951 --> 01:32:39,951
<i>The band of misfits
fight back...</i>

2103
01:32:39,953 --> 01:32:41,854
- <i>Nice dress.</i>
- <i>... against the bullies.</i>

2104
01:32:43,189 --> 01:32:44,390
<i>Never giving up.</i>

2105
01:32:44,391 --> 01:32:45,524
<i>Never laying down.</i>

2106
01:32:48,595 --> 01:32:50,095
<i>In high school,</i>

2107
01:32:50,096 --> 01:32:51,364
<i>I would talk about
the underdog a lot.</i>

2108
01:32:53,634 --> 01:32:56,368
<i>And I would often find myself
on a soapbox</i>

2109
01:32:56,369 --> 01:32:59,104
<i>rambling on and on
about the injustices</i>

2110
01:32:59,105 --> 01:33:00,274
<i>of the world.</i>

2111
01:33:02,443 --> 01:33:04,176
<i>Which makes you
extremely popular...</i>

2112
01:33:05,912 --> 01:33:07,479
<i>especially when everybody
would rather be watching</i>

2113
01:33:07,480 --> 01:33:09,247
Beverly Hills, 90210.

2114
01:33:17,091 --> 01:33:19,091
Oh, wow.

2115
01:33:24,097 --> 01:33:25,899
<i>Oh, boy!</i>

2116
01:33:28,935 --> 01:33:31,537
<i>Oh, no...</i>

2117
01:33:31,538 --> 01:33:33,005
<i>Yucky.</i>

2118
01:33:35,309 --> 01:33:36,375
<i>Oh, boy!</i>

2119
01:33:36,377 --> 01:33:38,078
What the fuck?

2120
01:33:39,412 --> 01:33:44,382
Oh, my God! I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry this happened.

2121
01:33:44,385 --> 01:33:46,118
- You don't have to be sorry.
- What do we do?

2122
01:33:46,119 --> 01:33:48,119
This is what everyone
was afraid was gonna happen,

2123
01:33:48,122 --> 01:33:49,188
because of me.

2124
01:33:49,189 --> 01:33:50,622
And now it's happening
because of me.

2125
01:33:50,625 --> 01:33:51,923
- Do I get a publicist?
- No.

2126
01:33:51,926 --> 01:33:53,158
- Do I do a publicity tour?
- Stop.

2127
01:33:53,159 --> 01:33:54,326
Do we have
a press conference?

2128
01:33:54,328 --> 01:33:57,297
Fred, listen to me.
I took the deal.

2129
01:33:58,932 --> 01:33:59,997
What?

2130
01:34:00,000 --> 01:34:01,332
We scratched the tree thing

2131
01:34:01,335 --> 01:34:03,935
and I have a real shot
at becoming president.

2132
01:34:03,938 --> 01:34:09,041
And some billionaire
motherfucker

2133
01:34:09,042 --> 01:34:12,978
gets to blackmail you?
Using me?

2134
01:34:12,979 --> 01:34:15,247
Doing something
that everybody does?

2135
01:34:15,248 --> 01:34:17,248
Out of a policy
that you cared about,

2136
01:34:17,251 --> 01:34:18,717
since you were
in middle school.

2137
01:34:18,720 --> 01:34:20,452
Since I've known you,
you've cared about this.

2138
01:34:20,453 --> 01:34:22,054
And now you're just gonna
get rid of it?

2139
01:34:22,055 --> 01:34:26,257
I'm trying to compromise here
for a bigger goal.

2140
01:34:26,260 --> 01:34:27,393
Well, I don't think
you should right now.

2141
01:34:27,395 --> 01:34:28,494
Oh, my God!

2142
01:34:28,497 --> 01:34:30,095
Of course
you don't think I should.

2143
01:34:30,096 --> 01:34:32,096
You never compromise
for anything in your life,

2144
01:34:32,099 --> 01:34:33,733
which gives you
the perfect excuse to fail.

2145
01:34:33,734 --> 01:34:36,636
Well, it's better than
maybe bending over backwards

2146
01:34:36,637 --> 01:34:38,103
for anyone who asked,

2147
01:34:38,104 --> 01:34:39,538
to the point that
you don't even know

2148
01:34:39,541 --> 01:34:41,140
why the fuck you're doing
this shit anymore!

2149
01:34:41,141 --> 01:34:42,742
In my world,
in order to achieve

2150
01:34:42,743 --> 01:34:44,676
what I'm trying to achieve,
I have to compromise.

2151
01:34:44,679 --> 01:34:45,744
Oh, why,
because you're a woman?

2152
01:34:45,747 --> 01:34:47,145
Yeah, motherfucker.

2153
01:34:47,148 --> 01:34:48,381
Okay, that makes sense.

2154
01:34:48,382 --> 01:34:50,983
And because I'm not giving up
everything I've ever wanted

2155
01:34:50,984 --> 01:34:53,284
just because it doesn't
live up to your moral code.

2156
01:34:53,287 --> 01:34:55,555
I don't care if this tape
comes out. I really don't.

2157
01:34:55,556 --> 01:34:57,590
- Oh, my God, Fred.
- I'll be okay.

2158
01:34:57,591 --> 01:34:59,461
You don't have to
do this for me.

2159
01:35:01,496 --> 01:35:03,364
You're not doing this for me.

2160
01:35:04,565 --> 01:35:06,097
Obviously.

2161
01:35:06,100 --> 01:35:10,034
Look, you and I both know

2162
01:35:10,037 --> 01:35:12,003
the woman who stands
beside the guy

2163
01:35:12,006 --> 01:35:14,340
that's coming on his face
gets way more scrutiny

2164
01:35:14,341 --> 01:35:17,342
than the guy who's actually
coming on his face.

2165
01:35:17,345 --> 01:35:19,110
Don't know if that's
happened enough

2166
01:35:19,113 --> 01:35:20,680
for there to be, like,
a precedent for it.

2167
01:35:20,681 --> 01:35:23,382
So, who knows? Maybe that
won't be the case this time.

2168
01:35:23,385 --> 01:35:25,185
Who knows? Maybe people
will think it's romantic.

2169
01:35:25,186 --> 01:35:26,719
I'm jerking...
I'm jerking off to you.

2170
01:35:26,720 --> 01:35:28,354
You don't know how people
are gonna react.

2171
01:35:28,355 --> 01:35:30,358
I'm not taking that risk.

2172
01:35:34,328 --> 01:35:35,396
I can't do it.

2173
01:35:36,797 --> 01:35:38,265
Okay.

2174
01:35:44,338 --> 01:35:48,210
So the video doesn't come out,
what happens to us?

2175
01:35:53,547 --> 01:35:57,716
I was talking to Maggie,
and she knows

2176
01:35:57,719 --> 01:36:00,185
this consultant who could
scrub your history.

2177
01:36:00,188 --> 01:36:01,720
We could make sure
nothing else like this

2178
01:36:01,722 --> 01:36:04,091
pops up and surprises us.

2179
01:36:04,626 --> 01:36:05,792
And then we just...

2180
01:36:05,793 --> 01:36:07,226
We work on your image,

2181
01:36:07,229 --> 01:36:09,162
and we figure out
how we want to

2182
01:36:09,163 --> 01:36:11,631
present ourselves
as a couple to the public.

2183
01:36:11,632 --> 01:36:12,766
That's all.

2184
01:36:18,073 --> 01:36:20,206
- Okay.
- Okay.

2185
01:36:20,207 --> 01:36:21,373
How long...
How long will it take,

2186
01:36:21,376 --> 01:36:24,344
do you think, to create

2187
01:36:24,345 --> 01:36:27,247
an image of me that we can
present to the public?

2188
01:36:27,248 --> 01:36:30,818
Just through the first couple
months of the campaign.

2189
01:36:30,819 --> 01:36:33,386
You think? But you don't
know that, right?

2190
01:36:33,387 --> 01:36:34,686
It could take longer
than that.

2191
01:36:34,689 --> 01:36:37,090
In a couple of months,
you could find that it's not a good moment

2192
01:36:37,091 --> 01:36:39,626
to introduce
a new boyfriend, right?

2193
01:36:39,627 --> 01:36:41,828
And then we'd have to wait
a couple more months.

2194
01:36:41,831 --> 01:36:44,431
I don't know how long
it's gonna take, Fred.

2195
01:36:45,300 --> 01:36:47,567
And then meanwhile,

2196
01:36:47,569 --> 01:36:49,470
you're pretending
not to date me.

2197
01:36:50,639 --> 01:36:53,506
And you're scrubbing
my Internet history?

2198
01:36:53,507 --> 01:36:55,274
So my articles are gone.

2199
01:36:55,277 --> 01:36:57,210
And you, like, sneak me around

2200
01:36:57,212 --> 01:36:59,177
like I'm Marilyn Monroe
and you're JFK?

2201
01:36:59,180 --> 01:37:00,345
Is that what
we're talking about?

2202
01:37:00,347 --> 01:37:03,483
I just want to be clear,
that's what we're talking about.

2203
01:37:03,484 --> 01:37:05,820
And we have to do that
because I'm...

2204
01:37:07,354 --> 01:37:08,523
not right.

2205
01:37:10,358 --> 01:37:13,126
And then once we present us
to the world,

2206
01:37:13,127 --> 01:37:17,667
we present a version of me
that isn't... actually me?

2207
01:37:21,368 --> 01:37:22,436
Yeah.

2208
01:37:31,814 --> 01:37:33,247
I can't do it.

2209
01:37:35,382 --> 01:37:37,484
I wish

2210
01:37:37,485 --> 01:37:40,590
that I was the type of person
that could, but I can't.

2211
01:37:49,765 --> 01:37:51,365
You don't have to do it.

2212
01:38:12,488 --> 01:38:14,488
Don't know what the fuck
I was thinking.

2213
01:38:14,489 --> 01:38:18,425
Why the fuck
I thought someone like her

2214
01:38:18,426 --> 01:38:20,259
and someone like me
could work?

2215
01:38:20,261 --> 01:38:23,396
She's a fucking politician.
Like, I don't even know her.

2216
01:38:23,399 --> 01:38:25,966
Like, I don't know who she is.

2217
01:38:25,967 --> 01:38:28,935
She has no moral compass.

2218
01:38:28,938 --> 01:38:31,604
She's working with fucking
Democrats one day,

2219
01:38:31,606 --> 01:38:33,239
Republicans the next
fucking day.

2220
01:38:33,242 --> 01:38:34,307
I mean, what's wrong
with working

2221
01:38:34,310 --> 01:38:35,676
with Democrats
and Republicans?

2222
01:38:35,677 --> 01:38:37,411
That's...
That's the whole country.

2223
01:38:37,412 --> 01:38:40,613
Uh, yeah,
except fuck Republicans,

2224
01:38:40,615 --> 01:38:42,282
I guess is the problem
with that.

2225
01:38:42,283 --> 01:38:45,685
Speaking as an American,
shouldn't you see both sides?

2226
01:38:45,688 --> 01:38:48,488
Yeah. I see
one side's fucking wrong.

2227
01:38:48,490 --> 01:38:50,990
What's the problem here?

2228
01:38:50,993 --> 01:38:52,659
I'm a Republican.

2229
01:38:52,662 --> 01:38:54,427
You're fucking joking
right now.

2230
01:38:54,430 --> 01:38:57,631
Member of the GOP!
Yeah, you know me.

2231
01:38:57,632 --> 01:38:58,966
You're a Republican.

2232
01:38:58,967 --> 01:38:59,867
Yeah, I'm a Republican!

2233
01:38:59,868 --> 01:39:02,336
The shit has worked out
so far for me.

2234
01:39:02,337 --> 01:39:03,904
What the fuck, man?

2235
01:39:03,905 --> 01:39:05,439
All that shit
you're always saying to me!

2236
01:39:05,440 --> 01:39:06,640
- Yeah.
- Pull yourself up

2237
01:39:06,641 --> 01:39:09,309
by your bootstraps. And being
in charge of your own destiny.

2238
01:39:09,310 --> 01:39:11,545
- Republican shit.
- Oh, and it worked on me.

2239
01:39:11,546 --> 01:39:13,279
And it works
on a lot of people.

2240
01:39:13,282 --> 01:39:14,448
Oh, that's fucking sick.

2241
01:39:14,449 --> 01:39:15,548
That's right.

2242
01:39:15,551 --> 01:39:16,917
Ugh! That's gross!

2243
01:39:16,918 --> 01:39:18,851
That Republican shit,
you put it in my brain

2244
01:39:18,854 --> 01:39:20,953
and it made me feel good.
That's fucked up, man!

2245
01:39:20,956 --> 01:39:22,422
Come on. See, this is what
I'm talking about,

2246
01:39:22,425 --> 01:39:23,524
your negative way of thinking.

2247
01:39:23,525 --> 01:39:24,792
I don't even know you!

2248
01:39:24,793 --> 01:39:25,658
- What do you mean?
- Ugh!

2249
01:39:25,661 --> 01:39:27,261
I'm the same dude
from two minutes ago.

2250
01:39:27,262 --> 01:39:28,328
Your best friend.

2251
01:39:28,329 --> 01:39:29,563
Why'd you never tell me this?

2252
01:39:29,564 --> 01:39:31,698
'Cause I knew you'd act exactly
how you're acting right now.

2253
01:39:31,701 --> 01:39:33,367
Wait a minute.

2254
01:39:33,368 --> 01:39:35,868
You're always talking about how, like,
the universe has a plan for all of us...

2255
01:39:35,871 --> 01:39:36,837
Take it easy.

2256
01:39:36,838 --> 01:39:38,771
There's someone watching
over us at all times.

2257
01:39:38,774 --> 01:39:40,740
- Yeah.
- Does that mean...

2258
01:39:40,743 --> 01:39:41,877
I'm a man of Christian faith.

2259
01:39:42,478 --> 01:39:44,511
What the fuck!

2260
01:39:44,512 --> 01:39:46,014
Now, come on now!
We pray for you!

2261
01:39:46,015 --> 01:39:47,514
Don't pray for me! Keep it!

2262
01:39:47,515 --> 01:39:49,582
- Lord.
- Oh, stop it. Ignore him, God!

2263
01:39:49,585 --> 01:39:51,551
- He doesn't mean that.
- Don't pray for me!

2264
01:39:51,554 --> 01:39:52,720
You are trippin' right now.

2265
01:39:52,721 --> 01:39:53,787
I'm not fucking trippin'!
How could you be Christian?

2266
01:39:53,788 --> 01:39:58,492
I wear this cross, every day,
since you've known me!

2267
01:39:58,493 --> 01:39:59,659
What did you think it was for?

2268
01:39:59,662 --> 01:40:02,063
I thought it was...

2269
01:40:02,064 --> 01:40:03,630
a cultural thing.

2270
01:40:03,631 --> 01:40:05,367
You mean like,
'cause I'm black?

2271
01:40:06,702 --> 01:40:07,837
That's what
I thought, yeah.

2272
01:40:08,503 --> 01:40:09,569
That might be.

2273
01:40:09,572 --> 01:40:11,805
But that don't mean
what you said ain't racist.

2274
01:40:11,807 --> 01:40:13,875
- You're right.
- Yeah, I know I'm right!

2275
01:40:13,877 --> 01:40:15,542
- Fuck.
- That's racist as shit!

2276
01:40:15,543 --> 01:40:16,778
All right, dude...

2277
01:40:16,779 --> 01:40:18,645
I love you, man.

2278
01:40:18,646 --> 01:40:21,648
But you're very judgmental.
They don't want politics

2279
01:40:21,649 --> 01:40:23,784
to get into this,
because you've never really

2280
01:40:23,787 --> 01:40:25,586
been good at looking at shit

2281
01:40:25,587 --> 01:40:27,453
from other people's
perspective, Fred.

2282
01:40:27,456 --> 01:40:28,890
- I know.
- It might explain

2283
01:40:28,891 --> 01:40:31,626
why you haven't been able to look
at this through Charlotte's eyes.

2284
01:40:31,627 --> 01:40:32,694
I'm sorry.

2285
01:40:32,695 --> 01:40:34,628
I'm sorry you couldn't be
who you are around me,

2286
01:40:34,631 --> 01:40:37,030
and you had to
hide your true self.

2287
01:40:37,033 --> 01:40:38,364
That's really fucked up.

2288
01:40:38,367 --> 01:40:39,432
That's all right, man.

2289
01:40:39,435 --> 01:40:43,369
But my love for the GOP
and the G-O-D

2290
01:40:43,372 --> 01:40:45,105
has nothing to do with us.

2291
01:40:45,108 --> 01:40:47,041
I'm racist.
You're a Republican.

2292
01:40:47,042 --> 01:40:49,475
I don't know
what the fuck's going on.

2293
01:40:50,846 --> 01:40:53,014
Polls suggested
I should get into yoga,

2294
01:40:53,015 --> 01:40:54,716
which I did and it turns out,

2295
01:40:54,717 --> 01:40:56,016
I don't really like yoga.

2296
01:40:56,019 --> 01:40:59,487
Don't you sometimes just wish
you could say,

2297
01:40:59,488 --> 01:41:00,688
"Fuck the polls"?

2298
01:41:00,689 --> 01:41:05,993
Well, polls say that people
find my laugh unattractive.

2299
01:41:05,996 --> 01:41:07,796
So I shouldn't laugh
in public.

2300
01:41:07,797 --> 01:41:08,930
That was a bit of a bummer,

2301
01:41:08,931 --> 01:41:11,431
because I really,
I like to laugh.

2302
01:41:11,434 --> 01:41:12,867
- A lot.
- Hmm.

2303
01:41:12,868 --> 01:41:15,002
Um, but we came up
with another laugh

2304
01:41:15,005 --> 01:41:16,738
that was better.
That's more, uh...

2305
01:41:16,739 --> 01:41:18,573
- Presidential, I guess.
- Hmm.

2306
01:41:20,109 --> 01:41:21,109
That's good.

2307
01:41:21,110 --> 01:41:22,743
It's a lot of teeth
and not too much sound.

2308
01:41:22,746 --> 01:41:25,412
- Yeah.
- Mmm.

2309
01:41:25,414 --> 01:41:27,582
So, um, after dinner,

2310
01:41:27,583 --> 01:41:29,149
how about we go
for a drink somewhere?

2311
01:41:29,152 --> 01:41:30,417
Ooh.

2312
01:41:30,420 --> 01:41:33,587
I know this great little place
that's not too far from here.

2313
01:41:33,590 --> 01:41:35,923
It's called Mini Bar.

2314
01:41:35,926 --> 01:41:40,127
It's quite exclusive, you need
a little key to access it.

2315
01:41:40,130 --> 01:41:44,431
And you get charged
as you remove the bottle.

2316
01:41:44,434 --> 01:41:46,033
- Hmm.
- It's actually more of

2317
01:41:46,036 --> 01:41:47,769
a small fridge than a bar.

2318
01:41:47,770 --> 01:41:49,636
- And it's in my room...
- No, I get it.

2319
01:41:49,639 --> 01:41:51,072
I'm inviting you
back to my room.

2320
01:41:51,073 --> 01:41:53,743
I...

2321
01:41:55,744 --> 01:41:57,811
- That was my real laugh.
- Mmm!

2322
01:41:57,814 --> 01:41:58,947
I don't know why

2323
01:41:58,948 --> 01:42:01,350
they told you
not to use that laugh.

2324
01:42:02,752 --> 01:42:03,886
It's...

2325
01:42:10,694 --> 01:42:12,594
Big day tomorrow,
Madam Secretary.

2326
01:42:14,965 --> 01:42:16,832
Yeah. Big day.

2327
01:42:36,853 --> 01:42:39,155
Okay. "Hey, it's Fred."

2328
01:43:02,578 --> 01:43:03,646
Hello?

2329
01:43:05,248 --> 01:43:06,849
Beep.

2330
01:43:06,850 --> 01:43:09,185
<i>Oh, uh, guess I got
your voicemail. Um, hi.</i>

2331
01:43:10,020 --> 01:43:12,253
It's Fred.

2332
01:43:12,256 --> 01:43:15,722
I guess I wanna start
by saying I'm really sorry.

2333
01:43:15,725 --> 01:43:17,826
You were right
about everything

2334
01:43:17,828 --> 01:43:19,930
and I was wrong
about everything.

2335
01:43:21,631 --> 01:43:26,001
And we should go along
with the plan.

2336
01:43:26,002 --> 01:43:29,639
<i>I can be Marilyn.
I can be your Marilyn.</i>

2337
01:43:30,606 --> 01:43:32,106
I'd rather be
your Lady Bird,

2338
01:43:32,109 --> 01:43:35,712
because, you know,
LBJ put a ring on that finger.

2339
01:43:37,646 --> 01:43:41,050
But I would do anything
to continue,

2340
01:43:41,051 --> 01:43:42,752
to be able to be with you.

2341
01:43:46,588 --> 01:43:47,757
Okay, bye.

2342
01:44:02,105 --> 01:44:03,838
So, we're losing
the trees, huh?

2343
01:44:03,841 --> 01:44:06,774
Yeah. POTUS talked me
out of it.

2344
01:44:06,777 --> 01:44:09,043
I know that meant
a lot to you. I'm so sorry.

2345
01:44:09,046 --> 01:44:10,912
Hmm, nothing we can do
about it.

2346
01:44:10,914 --> 01:44:12,314
We need his endorsement.

2347
01:44:12,315 --> 01:44:14,652
- Yep.
- Yep.

2348
01:44:17,320 --> 01:44:19,756
And I am sorry
about you and Fred.

2349
01:44:22,893 --> 01:44:26,060
You know,
he called last night.

2350
01:44:26,063 --> 01:44:28,197
He said he'd do it,
he'd go along with the plan.

2351
01:44:28,198 --> 01:44:31,600
Really? Wow.

2352
01:44:31,601 --> 01:44:33,703
That's a shock.

2353
01:44:35,139 --> 01:44:38,873
Um... Okay.

2354
01:44:38,876 --> 01:44:40,274
I'll... I'll start
to make arrangements.

2355
01:44:40,277 --> 01:44:41,278
No, Maggie.

2356
01:44:42,145 --> 01:44:43,746
There's nothing to do.

2357
01:44:43,747 --> 01:44:45,716
At the end of the day,
it was never gonna work.

2358
01:44:48,618 --> 01:44:51,787
Well, today is
such a good day,

2359
01:44:51,788 --> 01:44:53,756
and I am so excited.

2360
01:44:53,757 --> 01:44:55,224
We should be psyched.

2361
01:44:55,225 --> 01:44:57,826
So psyched.

2362
01:44:57,828 --> 01:44:59,962
All right,
I will see you out there.

2363
01:44:59,963 --> 01:45:01,032
All right.

2364
01:45:20,217 --> 01:45:21,585
Hey, man.

2365
01:45:22,253 --> 01:45:23,320
Can I get a beer?

2366
01:45:24,921 --> 01:45:28,090
- Thanks for coming.
- No problem, bro.

2367
01:45:28,091 --> 01:45:30,725
How you feelin' though?

2368
01:45:30,728 --> 01:45:32,761
Okay, you know,
you were right.

2369
01:45:32,762 --> 01:45:33,962
I called her.

2370
01:45:33,963 --> 01:45:35,797
I left a message.
She didn't call me back.

2371
01:45:35,800 --> 01:45:37,832
So... Whatever.

2372
01:45:37,835 --> 01:45:39,171
Sure you wanna watch this?

2373
01:45:40,137 --> 01:45:41,572
Yeah, I have to.

2374
01:45:43,841 --> 01:45:46,408
Madam Secretary,
I'd like to introduce you

2375
01:45:46,411 --> 01:45:47,342
to Lil Yachty.

2376
01:45:47,345 --> 01:45:49,244
He's going to be
performing after the speech.

2377
01:45:49,247 --> 01:45:50,779
Pleasure to meet you,
Mr. Yachty.

2378
01:45:50,780 --> 01:45:53,115
I'm a big-ass fan. I'm so
excited to vote for you.

2379
01:45:53,118 --> 01:45:55,186
- I'm sorry, it's game time.
- Okay.

2380
01:46:13,238 --> 01:46:14,938
<i>Good morning!</i>

2381
01:46:14,939 --> 01:46:17,908
<i>Thank you, everyone,
for being here with me today.</i>

2382
01:46:19,176 --> 01:46:20,775
<i>Let me start
by saying something</i>

2383
01:46:20,778 --> 01:46:23,145
<i>I haven't said since I was 16</i>

2384
01:46:23,148 --> 01:46:25,215
<i>and worked
at Blockbuster Video.</i>

2385
01:46:27,452 --> 01:46:28,750
<i>I quit...</i>

2386
01:46:28,752 --> 01:46:30,886
I helped write that joke.

2387
01:46:30,889 --> 01:46:32,087
Oh, yeah?
That's a good joke.

2388
01:46:32,090 --> 01:46:34,189
<i>as secretary of state,</i>

2389
01:46:34,192 --> 01:46:35,824
<i>in order to run</i>

2390
01:46:35,827 --> 01:46:38,994
<i>for president of
the United States of America.</i>

2391
01:46:42,199 --> 01:46:44,136
God bless.

2392
01:46:46,971 --> 01:46:49,471
<i>And I'm honored</i>

2393
01:46:49,474 --> 01:46:53,208
<i>to have the full support
of President Chambers,</i>

2394
01:46:53,211 --> 01:46:55,912
<i>a man I greatly admire.</i>

2395
01:46:55,913 --> 01:46:59,282
<i>A man who is
an extraordinary leader.</i>

2396
01:46:59,283 --> 01:47:01,153
Man, you know
who you should date?

2397
01:47:02,354 --> 01:47:03,889
Taylor Swift.

2398
01:47:05,055 --> 01:47:07,055
Hell, yeah.
I could see that.

2399
01:47:07,057 --> 01:47:10,993
Why... Why do you think
I could date Taylor Swift?

2400
01:47:10,996 --> 01:47:12,795
Fred, you were dating
Charlotte Field.

2401
01:47:12,796 --> 01:47:14,296
That's the most powerful woman
on Earth!

2402
01:47:14,298 --> 01:47:15,832
Oh, I get it.

2403
01:47:15,833 --> 01:47:17,935
I don't know what me and
Taylor Swift have in common.

2404
01:47:19,171 --> 01:47:23,105
Y'all white. Ya ain't got
a care in the world.

2405
01:47:23,108 --> 01:47:24,340
That's true.

2406
01:47:24,341 --> 01:47:26,310
<i>But this campaign
is not about me.</i>

2407
01:47:27,011 --> 01:47:28,845
<i>It's about you.</i>

2408
01:47:28,846 --> 01:47:30,078
<i>It's about us.</i>

2409
01:47:31,283 --> 01:47:32,881
<i>It's about how together,</i>

2410
01:47:32,884 --> 01:47:36,953
<i>we can build the future
our fellow Americans deserve.</i>

2411
01:47:40,057 --> 01:47:43,025
<i>I have dreamt
about this moment</i>

2412
01:47:43,028 --> 01:47:45,261
<i>ever since
I was a little girl</i>

2413
01:47:45,262 --> 01:47:47,364
<i>growing up
in the nation's capital.</i>

2414
01:47:50,001 --> 01:47:53,537
<i>And I know
that if that young girl</i>

2415
01:47:53,538 --> 01:47:57,007
<i>could see me
standing up here right now...</i>

2416
01:48:02,314 --> 01:48:04,983
<i>She would be so...</i>

2417
01:48:08,220 --> 01:48:09,921
<i>She would be...</i>

2418
01:48:16,362 --> 01:48:17,496
What's happening?

2419
01:48:19,096 --> 01:48:22,734
<i>She... She would be so
disappointed in me, actually.</i>

2420
01:48:24,436 --> 01:48:27,970
<i>Yeah, the truth is, that girl</i>

2421
01:48:27,972 --> 01:48:29,171
<i>would want me to be honest</i>

2422
01:48:29,173 --> 01:48:31,841
<i>and have integrity and not be</i>

2423
01:48:31,842 --> 01:48:35,247
<i>blackmailed by evil people
with evil agendas.</i>

2424
01:48:37,483 --> 01:48:39,315
<i>So instead, I'm just gonna...</i>

2425
01:48:39,318 --> 01:48:42,453
<i>I'm just gonna tell the truth,
and whatever happens, happens.</i>

2426
01:48:42,454 --> 01:48:44,421
<i>So here we go.</i>

2427
01:48:44,422 --> 01:48:48,091
<i>Parker Wembley
and our dumb-fuck president...</i>

2428
01:48:48,092 --> 01:48:49,393
Whoo!

2429
01:48:49,395 --> 01:48:50,594
<i>are doing some
evil shit together.</i>

2430
01:48:50,595 --> 01:48:52,328
<i>And because
I just told you now,</i>

2431
01:48:52,331 --> 01:48:55,931
<i>they're going to release
a video of a guy I dated</i>

2432
01:48:55,934 --> 01:48:58,269
<i>jerking off all over himself.</i>

2433
01:48:58,270 --> 01:48:59,270
Release the video.

2434
01:48:59,271 --> 01:49:01,337
Get the fucking thing online.
Get it online!

2435
01:49:01,340 --> 01:49:03,841
<i>But don't slut shame me. I...</i>

2436
01:49:05,144 --> 01:49:06,212
<i>I like him.</i>

2437
01:49:06,944 --> 01:49:08,511
<i>I like him a lot.</i>

2438
01:49:08,514 --> 01:49:10,515
Fred, you gotta go to her.

2439
01:49:12,618 --> 01:49:14,884
Go get her ass, man.

2440
01:49:14,886 --> 01:49:16,221
<i>And he jerks off.</i>

2441
01:49:18,556 --> 01:49:20,623
<i>And so do all of you.</i>

2442
01:49:20,626 --> 01:49:21,890
Hell, yeah!

2443
01:49:21,893 --> 01:49:24,094
<i>So deal with it.</i>

2444
01:49:24,095 --> 01:49:25,564
<i>Deal with it, America.</i>

2445
01:49:34,506 --> 01:49:36,539
Hey! I'm Fred!

2446
01:49:36,542 --> 01:49:38,207
Is that an XL?

2447
01:49:38,210 --> 01:49:39,475
I've got five stars in it,

2448
01:49:39,478 --> 01:49:40,978
if you could speed
this shit up, man!

2449
01:49:40,979 --> 01:49:42,313
We'll give you extra tip,
real tip.

2450
01:49:42,314 --> 01:49:43,646
Not Uber tip! Cash tip!

2451
01:49:43,649 --> 01:49:46,018
Get back! Get back!

2452
01:49:49,087 --> 01:49:51,189
- Where are we going?
- I don't know.

2453
01:49:55,127 --> 01:49:56,393
She's leaving?
Where is she going?

2454
01:49:56,395 --> 01:49:58,194
Shit, I don't know.
This isn't on the itinerary.

2455
01:49:58,197 --> 01:50:00,363
Tom, you have to think past
the itinerary!

2456
01:50:00,365 --> 01:50:01,297
I can't.

2457
01:50:01,300 --> 01:50:03,132
Fred, I just got
a Wembley news alert

2458
01:50:03,135 --> 01:50:05,336
- with your name on it.
- Don't open it!

2459
01:50:05,337 --> 01:50:08,037
<i>Oh, yeah! Oh, boy!</i>

2460
01:50:08,039 --> 01:50:09,439
Oh, Fred!

2461
01:50:09,442 --> 01:50:12,443
Oh, no. Oh, no.

2462
01:50:12,444 --> 01:50:13,644
Hey, it's all right, man.

2463
01:50:13,645 --> 01:50:15,311
You know,
we all got our things.

2464
01:50:15,314 --> 01:50:17,014
I don't bust a nut
on my face.

2465
01:50:17,015 --> 01:50:19,216
- But, like...
- It's not like a thing I do!

2466
01:50:20,386 --> 01:50:22,219
Do you think that'll,
like, go viral?

2467
01:50:22,220 --> 01:50:25,056
This is the news!

2468
01:50:25,658 --> 01:50:27,326
Oh, shit.

2469
01:50:35,266 --> 01:50:38,502
Excuse me. Move, damn it!
This man is in love.

2470
01:50:38,503 --> 01:50:40,371
<i>Secretary Field
just drove away,</i>

2471
01:50:40,372 --> 01:50:42,439
<i>no comment
as to her destination.</i>

2472
01:50:42,440 --> 01:50:44,576
<i>We're gonna keep tracking
this story for you...</i>

2473
01:50:44,578 --> 01:50:46,409
<i>Yo, check it out.
It's the come-guy!</i>

2474
01:50:46,412 --> 01:50:48,112
- <i>Yeah, that's him!</i>
- <i>Oh, sir,</i>

2475
01:50:48,113 --> 01:50:49,313
<i>just a couple of questions.
We're live right now.</i>

2476
01:50:49,314 --> 01:50:52,448
<i>No! I'm come-guy?</i>

2477
01:50:52,451 --> 01:50:54,150
No comments at this time,
thank you! Thank you!

2478
01:50:54,153 --> 01:50:55,284
Thank you!

2479
01:50:55,287 --> 01:50:57,390
Do not touch him!
Do not touch him!

2480
01:51:12,137 --> 01:51:13,204
Hi.

2481
01:51:14,206 --> 01:51:15,373
Holy shit.

2482
01:51:17,476 --> 01:51:19,011
Did you see my speech?

2483
01:51:20,246 --> 01:51:22,981
Yeah. I think
everyone saw it.

2484
01:51:23,449 --> 01:51:24,451
Yeah.

2485
01:51:27,252 --> 01:51:29,188
You know,
your video's out there.

2486
01:51:30,088 --> 01:51:31,591
Yeah, I caught that.

2487
01:51:38,597 --> 01:51:40,567
Here's the deal.
I love you.

2488
01:51:42,335 --> 01:51:44,435
I know I do.

2489
01:51:44,438 --> 01:51:47,407
Because I've never been
so scared in my entire life.

2490
01:51:50,377 --> 01:51:55,079
And I once shared an elevator
with Saddam Hussein.

2491
01:51:56,416 --> 01:51:58,585
Just me and Saddam.

2492
01:52:01,654 --> 01:52:03,523
And this is way scarier.

2493
01:52:06,460 --> 01:52:07,993
I love you.

2494
01:52:11,131 --> 01:52:13,597
Okay, you're really gonna have
to say something right now.

2495
01:52:13,600 --> 01:52:15,202
'Cause I'm freaking out.

2496
01:52:18,069 --> 01:52:20,340
I've been in love with you
since I was 12 years old.

2497
01:52:41,461 --> 01:52:42,462
Oh.

2498
01:52:44,163 --> 01:52:45,229
Hello?

2499
01:52:45,231 --> 01:52:48,298
Hey, Fred, uh, there's
a million people out here

2500
01:52:48,301 --> 01:52:50,702
and they want to talk to the
candidate and the come-guy.

2501
01:52:50,703 --> 01:52:52,538
So, I figured they'd hit you.

2502
01:53:13,426 --> 01:53:14,761
Fred!

2503
01:53:15,729 --> 01:53:17,264
Fred!

2504
01:53:22,569 --> 01:53:25,502
A crazy day.

2505
01:53:25,505 --> 01:53:27,739
But I'm really glad
you're all here.

2506
01:53:27,742 --> 01:53:29,810
I'd like to introduce you
to someone.

2507
01:53:31,176 --> 01:53:32,244
This is Fred.

2508
01:53:32,880 --> 01:53:34,146
Hi, there.

2509
01:53:35,750 --> 01:53:37,750
My boyfriend.

2510
01:53:37,752 --> 01:53:39,118
Whoo!

2511
01:53:42,421 --> 01:53:44,354
You kind of
know him already,

2512
01:53:44,356 --> 01:53:46,457
but you'll get to
know him a lot more

2513
01:53:46,458 --> 01:53:47,761
in the next few months...

2514
01:53:48,962 --> 01:53:51,595
'Cause he's gonna be right by
my side on my campaign trail.

2515
01:54:02,242 --> 01:54:04,109
Wakanda Forever!

2516
01:54:12,319 --> 01:54:14,587
Charlotte! Charlotte!

2517
01:54:14,588 --> 01:54:17,189
Charlotte! Charlotte!

2518
01:54:18,358 --> 01:54:19,824
I started the chant!

2519
01:54:19,827 --> 01:54:21,761
I started that chant!

2520
01:54:25,498 --> 01:54:27,198
<i>that I will
faithfully execute</i>

2521
01:54:27,199 --> 01:54:30,435
<i>the office of the president
of the United States.</i>

2522
01:54:30,438 --> 01:54:31,804
<i>What a momentous day,</i>

2523
01:54:31,805 --> 01:54:33,304
<i>our first female president.</i>

2524
01:54:33,305 --> 01:54:35,238
<i>I never thought I'd see it.</i>

2525
01:54:35,240 --> 01:54:36,942
<i>Well, I mean, a lot of people
are gonna say</i>

2526
01:54:36,944 --> 01:54:38,944
<i>this is a historic moment
for women everywhere,</i>

2527
01:54:38,945 --> 01:54:41,212
<i>but do we really want
her finger on the button</i>

2528
01:54:41,213 --> 01:54:42,547
<i>when it's that time
of the month?</i>

2529
01:54:42,550 --> 01:54:44,416
<i>I wouldn't want
my wife making any decision</i>

2530
01:54:44,417 --> 01:54:45,751
<i>during that time
of the month.</i>

2531
01:54:45,752 --> 01:54:47,586
<i>You know what?
Fuck you guys. I quit.</i>

2532
01:54:47,587 --> 01:54:49,186
<i>Looks like it's someone's
time of the month.</i>

2533
01:54:49,189 --> 01:54:50,722
- <i>Oh!</i>
- <i>Looks like Aunt Flow</i>

2534
01:54:50,725 --> 01:54:52,591
<i>is going to work down at
the Red River Casino... Oh!</i>

2535
01:54:52,592 --> 01:54:53,826
Jesus Christ!
Quick, quick, cut!

2536
01:54:53,828 --> 01:54:58,195
Hi! I'm the First Mister of
the United States of America.

2537
01:54:58,198 --> 01:54:59,664
My name is Fred Field.

2538
01:54:59,667 --> 01:55:00,832
I took my wife's last name.

2539
01:55:00,835 --> 01:55:04,903
And, uh, I'm gonna give you
a tour of the White House.

2540
01:55:04,904 --> 01:55:07,872
We're starting with the
portraits of the first spouses.

2541
01:55:07,875 --> 01:55:09,742
Here we have
Mamie Eisenhower.

2542
01:55:09,743 --> 01:55:10,809
Jackie Kennedy.

2543
01:55:10,810 --> 01:55:13,645
We have the beautiful
Lady Bird Johnson's portrait.

2544
01:55:13,648 --> 01:55:16,381
And that leads us
into my portrait.

2545
01:55:16,384 --> 01:55:18,650
It was painted by
Todd McFarlane,

2546
01:55:18,653 --> 01:55:21,220
who created the Spawn comics,
of course.

2547
01:55:21,221 --> 01:55:22,890
<i>The first versions
were a little over the top.</i>

2548
01:55:24,625 --> 01:55:26,692
Hi, guys.

2549
01:55:26,694 --> 01:55:28,560
<i>I used to think the best
way for me to change the world,</i>

2550
01:55:28,561 --> 01:55:30,462
to make it a better place
was through journalism.

2551
01:55:30,463 --> 01:55:31,930
Then I realized
that's not at all the case.

2552
01:55:31,931 --> 01:55:35,533
Really, the best thing I could
be doing for the world

2553
01:55:35,536 --> 01:55:38,537
is just supporting
this amazing person

2554
01:55:38,538 --> 01:55:40,338
and just trying to
learn from her

2555
01:55:40,341 --> 01:55:41,873
and kinda just trying to be

2556
01:55:41,876 --> 01:55:44,409
the best first mister
I can be.

2557
01:55:44,412 --> 01:55:46,979
I actually got a tattoo
of the first mister insignia.

2558
01:55:46,980 --> 01:55:49,782
- He did.
- There we are.

2559
01:55:49,783 --> 01:55:50,948
You're wearing mittens.

2560
01:55:50,951 --> 01:55:52,350
Got little mittens on.

2561
01:55:52,353 --> 01:55:54,853
If you think of where this tattoo
started to where it ended up.

2562
01:55:54,854 --> 01:55:56,788
It really has
an amazing arc to it.

2563
01:55:56,791 --> 01:55:59,725
What are some of
the perks of your new roles?

2564
01:55:59,726 --> 01:56:03,029
Well, I finally get to enact
my vision for America.

2565
01:56:03,030 --> 01:56:05,264
I finally got to find out
who killed Kennedy.

2566
01:56:05,265 --> 01:56:06,497
- Oh, my God. Don't you dare.
- I won't say.

2567
01:56:06,500 --> 01:56:07,666
- Don't.
- I won't say.

2568
01:56:07,667 --> 01:56:08,766
Fred, I'm not
kidding around.

2569
01:56:08,769 --> 01:56:09,835
It's not who you think!

2570
01:56:09,837 --> 01:56:11,369
Don't do it.

2571
01:56:11,372 --> 01:56:12,439
It's pretty surprising.

2572
01:56:13,373 --> 01:56:14,872
He's my Mister.

2573
01:56:14,875 --> 01:56:17,511
I'm her Mister.
And she's my president.